Cockroach Cafe - come and try our new sunroom

I don't think I've ever seen her anything other than stoic, so it was a shock.

The hand that was paralysed in the stroke seemed to be causing her problems, pain and the fingers were badly swollen, so I asked if they could get a Dr to look at it.

Oh @notaflyingmonkey I’m so sorry. 🌺🍫🍷 for you. She will be different again in a few hours. Take care

@notaflyingmonkey , is she as usual otherwise?

Oh no, nota. That's upsetting! Can you suggest the 'flying carpet' option? How awful for you.
It's really not great this🪳life. Thank goodness for this cafe!

I had a terrible visit with DM today. She was sobbing, completely disorientated, thought she'd been kidnapped. It seems that she hates the hoist that they use to get her in and out of bed, and thinks it is an instrument of torture - literally. I spent the hour struggling not to burst into tears myself.

@notaflyingmonkey great advice here re transport…. Also worth checking if any appts can be video/ phone.
Saw ambulance crew bringing lady in for chemo from a care home this week.

Great to hear from you Minty. I'm glad to hear that you're writing again.

@notaflyingmonkey mum's hospital visits in nursing were all emergency so no experience here, when she was in a rehab place after knee surgery a few years ago they arranged patient transport and I met her at outpatients. Have you asked the nursing home what they do about arranging transport?

Nota a friend said that he was charged for ambulance transport for his mum.

Question for those of you with experience of nursing homes - what happens about getting the person to hospital appointments? DM has a few coming up and given she can't walk or sit unaided, that means some form of ambulance I guess?

Great to hear the no news is good news and plodding along, plus making plans for ourselves. Go @NewYearNewMinty and don’t look back.
@countrygirl99 keep an eye but step back.
Thanks for the good wishes all. Saw dm who commented that turbans are all the fashion…. Extent of comments but I suspect she’s in denial a bit and can’t really think about it. My kind dh’s view which I’ll.
hang on to.
Cockroach all and make time for us, as @TheIoWfairy describes so well!!

Thanks @thesandwich. Life bumps along here. I feel for those of you doing this and chemo, must be so tough.
@countrygirl99 whatever is next?!
Had further conversation with my mum about the sudden appearance of the new lodger - I've apparently got it all wrong because 'she's really nice'. Cynical me thinks 'I bet she is'!
Anyway having someone there might actually be a blessing as it turns out that countless acquaintances, friends and neighbours have a spare key 'just in case' - and we've forgotten exactly who we've handed them out to.
Anyway, despite above, mum and I had a nice chat today and there are no urgent issues so I'm concentrating on my teenager for a bit and planning nice social events for the summer, like non-cockroach people do

Hi all.

@thesandwich glad to hear you're not suffering too much with the chemo as yet.

@MereDintofPandiculation lovely that your dad is still doing okay. He sounds like such a character and when you write about him it reminds me of my dad .

@countrygirl99 I am so, so sorry you're having to go through this, bereavement is hard enough on its own. I hope you're getting all the love and support you need right now.

I've been reading the thread but not posting much as there's so little to report I feel a bit of an imposter.

Mum and I have been plodding along okay since the beginning of the year. A few niggles as per, but nothing major.

She's pretty much decided to stay put in her house until they carry her out now and is looking again at having a downstairs loo added. Who knows how long that idea last!

Finances are a struggle atm so have been full throttle job hunting. Had 2 interviews, one of which resulted in a very near miss but positive feedback and the possibility of another opportunity with the company in future.

Had an informal video call this week and am waiting to hear if they want to do a formal interview, and have another telephone interview lined up next week.

Have an extensive long list of other jobs to apply for.

Was messing about with my best mate on the online dating apps a couple of weeks ago and ended up having my first proper date in 25 years . Didn't amount to a romance but was a really a fun night out. Am not really in the right headspace atm so won't continue when the month's membership expires later this month, but it's been fun chatting to people.

Have started writing again and made some more time to look after myself...have had or got in place appts lined up for all the health stuff I've been neglecting, and started seeing a weight management counsellor through the NHS.

So touch wood, a positive start to 2022...I finally feel like I'm taking baby steps forward for the first time in 3 years.

@freshcarnation If your mother has been officially classed as palliative ( and unless it's changed from a few years ago ) there should not be a charge for her care.

Popping in with a query... mum has the palliative care nurses visiting her. She was discharged from hospital just before Christmas and is stable now (bed bound with severe dementia). I was told by a visitor yesterday that they had asked for mum's national insurance number?? Is there going to be a charge for this?

@countrygirl99 thinking of you.

Speaking of the bank, my mother has given out her bank details to scammers twice in the last year or so, resulting in huge meltdowns, visits to the bank and general chaos. I've been trying to educate her in how to spot telephone scams but she really doesn't understand.

Hairbrush DHand I are propping each other up. FIL managed to lose his phone and his bank card this week. Cue panicking phone calls to DH who is expected to magically resolve the problems.

After a major wobble last week (counselling is great but it throws up stuff that I have to deal with afterwards) and antibiotics for a water infection (don't tell me I'm at the age when my mind starts to go!) I am back to earth, back to my studies and off to visit mum this morning.

I'm going with my friend today. Mum has asked to see her every week since Christmas. Let's see if she knows her!

Thinking of you Chemo Warriors. I have a friend going through similar and I am filled with admiration for you all.

@countrygirl99 You are doing an impossible job. I hope you have time to care for yourself as well - or, even better, have someone on hand to look after you.

Oh countrygirl its just unbearable but there's no choice

I thought I understood the posts about the constant phone calls but now I really do understand. I've had calls in the last hour and mum won't believe that dad died over 2 weeks ago.

I'm fine, I have run out of excuses not to fill in the probate forms so have printed all 32 pages of the guidance and then crossed quite a lot of it out. No farms, overseas investments or other difficult stuff. All nice and straightforward and nowhere near the IHT threshold so I can estimate to my heart's content.

I went to see MIL for the first time since before Christmas and to my surprise I did not get a telling off for not having visited (they've been closed, she was one of the ones with covid). She showed me a photo of her husband and told me that it was her father and, like my mum, there's more than a suggestion that she thinks that she works there. The reason she's there is because of her falling, not because of her confusion and she's still got all of her language so it's possible to have a conversation.

She's physically in much better shape than she was a year ago, she's walking better in that she's actually using the walking frame that was a clothes rack at home, putting a bit of weight on, her diabetes is under control and the ballooning ankles are a thing of the past. They are looking after her better than she's been looking after herself.

@countrygirl99 oh dear that is so hard on you all.

@thesandwich, I'm sorry to hear you've got chemo brain, I have too! Hope your chemo isn't too awful and you're managing the side effects. I'm on maintenance chemo now so my hair which I lost on the first treatment is growing back. My mother is unable to understand how I can still have side effects from my current chemo as my hair is growing so well . I bought some ready made turban things from Amazon for about £3 having struggled with scarves for weeks, I didn't ever get around to buying a wig.

I've been reading some of the great advice on here and have had a tiny bit of progress with managing my mother. She has always been bad-tempered but lately gets so immediately angry about everything. I decided a few days ago that rather than placate her when her outbursts happen, instead to remind her that these aren't acceptable, I have become her punchbag and it has got to stop. Yesterday, she was cross about a difficulty trying to return something and had argued with the relevant company on the phone before I arrived. She was absolutely spitting with rage and started shouting and pointing at me, yelling about what she wasn't going to do and how they couldn't tell her what to do etc.. I told her to stop shouting at me and it felt like I was telling off a toddler. She then turned into a fairly agreeable person. I rang this morning to check on her and she is still in an acceptable mood, even though she has spent ages looking for the onions which I'd forgotten to order on the online delivery but she knew she had as 'you wrote them down when I told you I needed them'. Oops.

Oh lord country that sounds bloody hard, I do feel for you.

I'm ok thanks sandwich, still don't have the date for the assessment, but I am resigned to only being able to visit DM at the weekends now, rather than attempting something mid week as well.

How are you getting on with the chemo?

Hi @thesandwich. Just quietly banging our heads on the wall here and hoping things settle down after the funeral. Youngest brother took mum to the chapel of rest to see dad this morning. This afternoon she phoned him to tell him dad had died 😔