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So sorry @Knot

Knot I'm so sorry. Even when it's expected, it's awful. 💐

FIL has excelled himself again. He is still finding excuses not to do an LFT prior to the memory clinic / our visit, which currently renders me, at least, unable to go (too risky. Blood clots in September could be disastrous if I caught Covid of any stripe).

Now he has spontaneously decided that he wants both big boys' partners to have Christmas presents from him. To achieve this, he is taking half the boys' Christmas money, which he has already given them, off them and redistributing it to the GFs. This would be less of an issue, had one boy not spent his on a new cycle hat that he very much needed, already. The miserable old git says this is out problem to solve. We disagree.

Knot so sorry. We are never really ready for it.💐

Quiet hug knota I'm so sorry

@Knotaknitter I am so sorry.

@Restzol Mum is with Halifax. They have given me a telephone number for them to phone for mum. Matron is away at the moment so can do nothing until she gets back.

knot (invisible and and . )

Knot

@IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere this is probably of no use to you but it may be to others - my parent banks with the Halifax. Thought it would be the nightmare you describe as they went from being able to go to branch (branch only account, only get on it) to housebound in quite a swift time frame. Halifax have a dedicated phone line for the elderly and have issued a code for phone use. What I found useful was using their Messenger chat rather than calling.

Knot I'm so sorry.

knot

@Knotaknitter invisible ink response. I am so very sorry. 🌺🌺🌺🌺
We are here if you need us.

Knotaknitter. What a shock for you. Even when you expect it it hits you like a ton of bricks x

knot so sorry

Knot

Knota

@IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere A third party mandate only works while they have capacity, after which it is no longer valid.

(I will switch to invisible writing, which I would like you all to pretend you haven't seen. Mum died last night, I think I said I didn't think she'd see Christmas but it is still a shock. I'm coping by kidding myself that she's tucked up in the nursing home. I am also thanking past-mum for telling what little remains of her family what her wishes were regarding "the arrangements". I was expecting a run in but she's made her wishes very clear to each of them)

@MintyCedric dad had septic arthritis last year. It was when his GP was insisting on phone appointments and decided his joint pain was just his osteoporosis/arthritis and prescribed anti-inflammatories. So he ruled up on hospital for 2 weeks😡. This was also before mum had her dementia diagnosis so the hospital were updating her snd she couldn't understand the difference between septic arthritis snd sepsis ehich caused a bit of alarm.

Hello all, familiar faces and those who’ve joined since I was last here. I have nothing new to report (we’re just trudging on with the same unresolved issues, like refusal to engage with health services over reportedly serious health matters) so I am thinking of you all.

...why is it so hard to think through what it’s like to be that relative?

In the early months of dad's decline I felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall. Everything we suggested was discussed as 'it has to be the patients voice'.

Never mind that he was largely unable to understand what was going on much less make decisions, or that the stress on us wasn't helping anyone.

Had an emergency trip to GP with mum this morning...a bite from last week has become infected causing an infection around her right elbow...apparently septic arthritis is a thing.

She was obviously anxious so has been monumentally hard work this morning.

Is it worth getting a cheap phone and PAYG sim that you can just use at the home if your mum wants to talk to family/friends etc?

@IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere would it be possible to phone the bank from your dms home on one of their phones? Or does anyone in the family have a phone in a different network that may have signal?
Your dm has just got to say she gives permission?

And I've phoned the bank. "It's all quite simple" - except that it isn't! She needs to phone them to add me as a third party to her account. She can not phone them. I can't phone when I am with her because my phone has no signal in the home. I was on hold for 30 mins before I could speak to anyone. I feel I have fallen down a rabbit hole.

"Get her to give us a ring" - she has not spoken to anyone in the bank for 10 years or so. "You won't be able to bank online, it will have to be in branch" - nearest branch is a 40 minute bus ride away. The sheer hassle of it has reduced me to tears. I know they have to keep her safe and that's what I want to do as well but it is so complicated!

"A little bit of help now and then" still makes me panic when I read it. That was my mother's watchword. The fact that "the little bit of help" extended to every aspect of her life - dressing, shopping, cleaning, food prep, turning on the tv, the electric blanket, the lights when it got dark - just a little bit of help!

And let's not think about the incontinence. Those of you dealing with that - I am in awe of you all.

I am about to telephone the bank. Mother desperately wants me to "give the kids their money" but I don't want to do anything until I have spoken to the bank, if they will even be willing to speak to me. Otherwise it is going to be £100's for the Court of Protection.

I know as I type this I’m crazy even wasting the time and energy but I’m really bugged by a clip I saw on Facebook last night from one of these 999 programmes. Lady of 100 living alone had fallen and all the comments were damning the ‘relatives’ and declaring how they would NEVER leave a relative like that, they would be there with her/have her to live with them/be delivering a thousand acts of imaginary benevolence. The lady was 100, competent, closest relative a niece who could be 80 herself … why is it so hard to think through what it’s like to be that relative? Why do people think of older people as children to be told what is best for them? It just adds to my own FOG. There you go

As if the olds weren't enough bother one of the bloody dogs did a runner on the walk this morning. 13000 steps later I caught him but we had a search party out by then. I never let that one off lead, for obvious reasons, but he got tangled the branches of a fallen tree and while I was untangling a pheasant flew over. DH was searching in an area with a bad mobile signal and his dad tried to phone him 3 times. First was a mistake and the 2nd 2 were to tell him the first was a mistake but of course the line was breaking up and he couldn't understand a word.