Cockroach Cafe - come and try our new sunroom

Well apparently the bruising is down to the infection causing a blood vessel to break and that's been exacerbated by the fact she's on bloodthinners.

He reckons keep taking the ABs and hopefully it should clear up but if she becomes unable to move it ot the entire arm goes purple we need to go to A & E.

Now back and trying to sort out some stuff relating to their house and the Land Registry in the wake of Dad's death. She's trying to fill in the forms herself but there's a couple of bits of strange wording she seems to think I can translate....erm nope.

So I'm here overnight tonight, get away when I can tomorrow and then back Saturday as have booster Sunday and want to just mooch at home afterwards...can't come soon enough tbh.

Believe me, I appreciate every moment of not being responsible. I have no regrets, no guilt. Someone a while back maybe the previous thread or the one before that, said something about looking at her from a detached perspective and I didn't really understand but now I do. I feel sad for her in a way that I would for anyone who is sad and confused and is asking me for help but still the sense of relief.

Minty - hope you get on ok at the GP and whatever course of action he recommends does not cause you more hassle and difficulty.

minty move our way, strictly no visiting. They only lifted restrictions for a couple of weeks late October before bringing them back again.

Mere.. thank you for your lovely welcome

@notaflyingmonkey.. thank you, that's very kind. I have already had lots of great advice on the elderly parents thread so will stay here a while to listen to people and grab a coffee!

I just make soothing noises and tell her to keep doing her exercises, that everything is ready for when she is strong enough whilst seeing her mobility and ability fade each week.

That must be tough, although I'd be lying if I said I didn't envy you waking up and realising you are less responsible for her now.

I woke up to a message from mum saying her arm was looking really bruised and could I go round and look at it and tell her what to do...

It's purple from her wrist to about 3 inches above the elbow, which itself is very red and painful and the skin is tight.

Spoke to the paramedic practitioner who treated her on Tuesday and have GP appt at 2.15.

So that's 2 days this week I've had plans (admittedly nothing exciting, just catching up with my own stuff) that have had to be shelved, although it clearly needs looking at so glad she didn't leave it.

I'm dreading the possibility that she might have to be admitted for IV antibiotics...she's terrible about hospitals. And of course they allow visiting now...(straight to the bad daughter's bench for me!)

More drama re L last night...at least the elbow has superceded that.

Hello to everyone I haven't met before.

I had a dream about mum last night and woke up feeling that sick sense of dread at the thought of running round like a headless chicken then the sense of peace from knowing she's no longer my responsibility.

I saw her on Tuesday this week and she was much happier than she has been before. She needs to know how I spend my time every day because she starts phoning me from the time she wakes up until she goes to bed and I never answer. She has no phone! She also thinks she might be home in time for her birthday (next week) and if not then surely by Christmas. I just make soothing noises and tell her to keep doing her exercises, that everything is ready for when she is strong enough whilst seeing her mobility and ability fade each week.

No judgement here Boosey just a lot of support and people who can hold your coat while you rant / offload as needed.

@PermanentTemporary a grazed face but no broken bones this time thank goodness

@MereDintofPandiculation.. I had heard of this famous cafe and wondered how to find it..and here it is! Please may i join?
Thank you

@Opal8 that's a lot of work going to doctors appointments...and sounds like more coming. Good news though.

@33goingon64 your poor brother. I'm trying to untangle something financial that ought to be simple at the moment, and my goodness it's a headache. At least I have poa, but it's a huge challenge actually using it.

@freshcarnation oh no! Is your mum ok?

We've had quite a good couple of weeks. I may have become a bit complacent and smug that everything was under control, but of course this was never going to be the case...

Went to put up mum's Christmas tree yesterday and do some tidying. Threw away 7 bin bags full of crap and made it cheerful. Then discovered that my disabled sibling and mum had been hiding letters... all financial ones meaning massive headaches for me to sort out. Absolute shit show. Finally got away and mum's last words to me were 'are you going to take me home or is one of the other ladies?'

Then had a call today to say mum had somehow managed to stand up and tried to go to the toilet on her own. Had ended up sitting on sleeping sibling who had woken up and pushed mum onto the floor. Nightmare.

Joining in this thread, first time. Mum terminally ill but still currently very lucid and wanting to control everything. All super positive until someone questions something she says then it's all us being too sensitive... Questions ATM about how much she's spending and whether money should all be in one place (very aware that sounds like inheritance chasing and that's not it at all). She's also being very rude and intolerant of my brother who is busting a gut trying to be helpful. Sigh. Interesting to hear about everyone else's situation.

Back to drs with mum today...
Fluid gone from lungs
Heart bloods not quite normal so non urgent referral for heart echo
Her kidneys aren't emptying so referral to urology
I love the phrase non urgent!
Mum does seem to be going out a bit more now. She hadn't left the flat in weeks until Monday.
Cockroach all x

knot

I'm very sorry x

I ended up spending most of Sunday doing errands for DM, but of course, no matter how much time you give, it is never enough. Whatever I do, a task never quite seems to be completed. It's just a series of spinning plates.

The carer has just messaged me to say that DM wet the bed last night, and tried to bin the sheets etc. Which explains why I have to keep buying her new bedding - I couldn't work out where on earth she was putting it all. Now I know - in the bin.

I truly hate what she and I have been reduced to.

@Knotaknitter
So sorry for you. Remember to treat yourself to something frivolous as well as the garage 'gift' - I got some nice soap and a jam doughnut a few days after dad died. Doughnut was v sugary and yummy and comforting - I'll bring some for everyone next time I visit the special doughnut bakery.

@IWasWillingToGoWassailing Well he can't take it back can he? A gift once given has gone. I've read your other thread and know this isn't one off unreasonableness. "They've spent it Dad, not happening" covers it, the girls get a £5 box of chocolates this year and you're ready to ask the question next year. There is a hint of spolit toddler here, everyone bending to his will so as to avoid a scene. You've had children and know how this plays out if left unchecked. It's hard to say "No"" to your parents because you have been trained through your childhood to say "yes".

I'm currently in legal limbo where my role of attorney has ended and that of executor not started. I have nothing to do today. Apart from going to mum's care home, visting MIL to tell her and buying myself an early Christmas present from the garage, my car is attempting to distract me by bleating about low tyre pressure.

I am very proud of mum for having the foresight to make it clear to her family that she'd donated her body to the teaching hospital, I didn't fancy explaining that to the aunties. I never thought she'd actually do it, there was an article in one of the papers and she showed an interest so I found her the phone number for enquiries. I was surprised that she returned the forms and even more surprised that she spoke to her family about her wishes.

May your day be as uneventful as mine is (hopefully) going to be.

Oh Knot big invisible hug. And cake.

Invisible flowers for Knot

Knot, I’ve not posted before but just to say I’m sorry. I’m a month on from you and it is getting easier - I’d never realised grief could be so physically painful but that phase seems to have passed. Look after yourself.