Cockroach Cafe - come and try our new sunroom

@MintyCedric , that sounds like an ordeal today. Hope you are able to relax this evening!

Yep...no call from hospital so back home watching Strictly.

Will call mum after for post morten!

@Opal8
It's lovely to connect - the wonderful dancers we'd like to imagine we were, rather that the frustrating old woman and the worn-out, middle-aged carer we have become!!

It gives us something to talk about

Settling down for Strictly. I find it an effort to be in the same room as my mum at the moment but we both enjoy it and send text messages throughout - we often agree in this situation, unusually!! Anyone else? 💃🏻

Tbh I wouldn't really expect anyone else to visit her in a hospital setting given the current situation re Covid and I'm not sure if they would allow multiple visitors anyway.

Still, an hour a day is more manageable than the current 3/4 hours to bobbing backwards and forwards from breakfast until tea time that I've been doing this week.

We were talking about my car on the journey home and I said I couldn't wait to take it on holiday next year to which mum replied that she'll 'have to go in somewhere' for a fortnight as she can't cope with me not being around the corner 🙄.

There's one couple she's friendly with whose grandson has currently got Covid, and another friend about 40 miles away, in her seventies with a partially sighted DH and several grandkids she helps out with. Her neighbour might pop in if she's admitted, and of course there is He Who Must Not Be Named.

She did have a friend that works at the hospital but unfortunately they fell out when said friend backed me over the carer situation after my dad's funeral.

Oh, I thought you mum had some friends who could go...
That's a shame

But it doesn't need to be you everyday?

There's no one else.

GP was quite freaked out when she saw mum's arm. Infection seems to be clearing but she's done a blood test for platelet levels and sent us home to await a call with the results so might be back off again in a couple of hours.

@BestIsWest that is what I miss too. We would go shopping with my uncle - usually the local market - then out for lunch. In recent years my uncle didn't really want to drive so my husband would take us and we would go a little further afield. I realised a few years ago though that mum wasn't getting involved like she used to. "Whose presents are we looking for mum? " "Don't know, can't think". Even though I would write a list of people she might want to buy for and suggest things for them.

Then we would get home and she would want to know "When we go to x/y/z because I need to get presents for a/b/c/." Looking back I can see that the dementia was starting even then. I put it down to lack of sight and the pain but i think it was her general decline. I have to say though that although I miss things about Christmas with her I don't miss the pressure and the stress of shopping for her as well as me.

Oh and visiting.

Apparently it's an hour a day pre-booked but obviously the fact that I'm her carer due to hearing issues is a potential loophole.

Whether ot not she'll realise that I don't know.

Thanks Opal

She's mildly phobic about hospitals so will create all kinds of drama if she's admitted.

We've been waiting for 15 minutes and she's already whipped her mask off to eat a packet of crisps, whinged about the waiting time and started on a rant about she feels like she's abroad because there are no English doctors.

Thankfully her mask is muffling most of it.

@MereDintofPandiculation I’m finding it quite hard and I miss the fun times we had together. At this time of year we’d always have a big shopping trip, together with my aunt when she was alive, to a big city. We’d go by coach or train and have a lovely lunch with wine. In recent years it was just the local town with lunch at an Italian. Last year of course it didn’t happen. This year we managed a short wander around M&S and tea in their cafe. I loved those trips, we’d done them since I was little.

I'm waiting for dh to arrive home
His flight was delayed by 2 hours
I'm going to mums later to watch strictly...it gives up something to talk about

[quote MintyCedric]@MereDintofPandiculation

How do you manage to stay so kind and so patient?

I just want to rage/cry constantly.

Managed to fit in my third jab this morning and was planning to takenit easy this afternoon but now off to OOH with mum and her arm again.

I have a horrible feeling they might admit her.[/quote]
I'm sorry @MintyCedric

Maybe it might be good of she's admitted? She'll get the medical attention she needs plus if there IS cognitive decline it will be flagged up?

You could do with a rest. I'm sure your mum has friends who could visit if necessary? Are they allowing visiting where you are? They aren't here.

@MereDintofPandiculation

How do you manage to stay so kind and so patient?

I just want to rage/cry constantly.

Managed to fit in my third jab this morning and was planning to takenit easy this afternoon but now off to OOH with mum and her arm again.

I have a horrible feeling they might admit her.

I-took her and two friends to their Christmas Lunch for a group they belong to this morning and was listening to her telling them all about it. It’s clear she relishes the drama. Attention seeking perhaps. No, just that her boundaries have shrunk, and this is a real excitement in-her life.

Yes you are right of course @MereDintofPandiculation

I'll go and watch strictly with her tomorrow night
She'll come here on Sunday for lunch
I might try and have Monday "off"

Mum on quite good form actually
Just been to the cemetery to see dad
I miss him so much

knot sorry by the way, had not seen your update. So much admin.

DM is coming here for Christmas Lunch then round to my DB for teatime. We’ve done this for the last 21 years and its worked well.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my DM, she and my DF were wonderful parents and grandparents but I can’t be there all the time. The guilt is tremendous though. I pass the cemetery where DF is buried on the way to her house and often drive through and park next to his grave for a few moments and ask his advice. Nothing forthcoming as of yet.