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Hi Nota. Have some and a large piece of

No need to increase visits. Falls will happen whether you are there or not as pp have said. Low blood pressure often. This can be somewhat counteracted by ensuring adequate fluid but they can often be reluctant to do that, and that generation are not constant water sippers either.

Not sure why a family member had to be present either? The responders my mother's system used ( via the LA) simply put her back in bed or wherever, then called me just to make me aware.

Was db making some sort of statement, driving through the night like that, or did the responders insist?

It's her bday on 2nd January.

I offered several options but she's asked to come here for lunch/dinner. So I'll do that and a cake and some flowers. There's just nothing she wants or needs.

My phone seems to be something of a problem in that more often than not it doesn't ring when someone is calling me. Being the sort of person who is quite happy not to be contacted most of the time, this hasn't really been too much of a problem for me. But the alarm company couldn't raise me at 3am, so called DB, who tried unsuccessfully to call me, and therefore had to drive for nearly two hours to get to DMs.

I have now switched from O2.

She has no trip hazards, and wasn't clear as to what caused the fall. My money is on fainting. She is so frail she just couldn't get herself back up off the floor.

Mum gives money to dgc so that was sorted a whole ago via bank transfer (not very festive but nice and easy!)
She, my siblings and I usually do a secret santa and go out for a meal/afternoon tea rather than gifts so that's on Thursday.
Can't say I'm looking forward to it tbh but I'll put a happy face on
Mum has refused any Xmas decorations since dad died which is such a shame as he loved Xmas:(
So I got her a light up festive house. Small, requires no effort on her part and is led lit :)
She quite likes it.

Went up to seems parents at the weekend. I wasn't planning to go until next Saturday but DB contacted me to say he was worried dad is going downhill so we took Christmas presents up and toldum and dad next weekend is looking busy and we were worried we wouldn't be able to make it up before we go away for Christmas. DB was right so worried dad is going to end up in hospital again soon. But it was one of those visits where I realised how bad mum is getting. Normally the decorations go up about 3 weeks before Christmas. I didn't think too much about them not being in last week but apparently she hasn't bought a single present or card or anything yet. There are 4 GGC she normally loves to buy for. I would have taken her out but it was mid afternoon on Sunday and it would have meant driving to another town so shops would gave been shut. She said she has been "too busy" but I realised she just can't get to grips with organising herself. I've flagged it to DB so hopefully he will get her out.

Notaflyingmonkey... do you think so? What about reframing that as a completely successful episode? She fell, used her alarm...?

Unless you're there 24/7 and frankly even then, falls are going to happen. The question i guess is the impact in you if having to rush over and pick her up?

Mum text me at 10pm last night asking me to take her to the dentists today (so she's had the appointment for a year...)

I said no as ds1 is having the car today to drive into university

"Oh no problem sister is on annual leave atm I'll ask her" 😲😲😲🙄😡🤣

Righto

Oh @#£& not . Does it have to mean your visits? Why not carers?

DM had a fall at home this morning. Managed to use her fall alarm though. Doesn't seem to me like she has damaged anything, seemed ok once I got her back on her feet.

Selfishly, this will probably mean I need to increase my visits.

Binary love your description of the SM feed. DM would be right in there - she loves anything like that.

Also she has been outed by the new social media feed from the care home: ‘Oh I don’t really join in the activities’ ... making Xmas decs: DM doing the paperchains, 1950s singalong: DM waving arms to the Shirelles, chair exercise class: DM giving it laldy with the zimmer frame.

That sounds fantastic.

I'd absolutely love to see my mum in that situation.

I think part of the problem is that she's never really had hobbies. She had a fairly good career until she was mid-thirties, then she had me. She's very practical and just not really interested in anything that doesn't have a practical purpose, so a lot of it is stuff she struggles with now...gardening, DIY etc, although she's been having a good go since Dad died.

Doesn't fulfill her need to have people around all the time though unfortunately.

I've managed to get ds2 his 1st covid vaccine today and dh needs to go for his 2 day pcr after returning from the US so I'm not doing lunch today

Might pop in to see her though

Opal8 it sounds tough but I like your list of boundaries, completely necessary to have them.

Minty I hope your DM improves and you don’t get into too much hassle re hospital visits etc. I entirely get the envy of the people whose resposibility has passed to a new phase where its not all on us – I was hugely envious of a friend whose DM had a care home when we were in the middle of Covid and DM was not accepting any help bar a cleaner - and I’m glad you feel that sense of relief Hairbrush now your DM is taken care of.

Mildly apprehensive of care Covid rules changing again as DM’s home has recently allowed us to visit in rooms, but I don’t think it will affect us so far. I have been really pleased to see DM’s large room with bathroom, I would be v happy to have it in a nice hotel. Also she has been outed by the new social media feed from the care home: ‘Oh I don’t really join in the activities’ ... making Xmas decs: DM doing the paperchains, 1950s singalong: DM waving arms to the Shirelles, chair exercise class: DM giving it laldy with the zimmer frame.

She is a bit delusional, but only mildly, apparently she has to help the staff with dinner and laundry but doesn’t mind, and someone has the power to enter DM’s room unseen while DM is actually in it and steal her fudge.

‘Sensitive bladder’ was the acceptable phrase for DM, and she did talk to the carers who came in about it, after I asked the agency for a ‘sympathetic older lady’ to have a chat with DM.

Knot hope you’re doing OK.

Dint I love that you have the patience and empathy to see things from all sides.

cockroaches all!

My DM who can be very awkward about everything piped up with "see a continence nurse or physio, very helpful" when I last mentioned something about a weak bladder. I nearly fell over.

Incontinence. Argh. I was assured by DM's new home (very nice, more of a rehab centre, immensely glad she's there) that she was now wearing pullups. Well, not when I arrived... cue me getting involved yet again. Before Mum's haemorrhage, she informed me that she wasn't very incontinent because she only used light pads. The fact that these were completely inadequate to the job was irrelevant.

I would say that whoever's responsible needs to talk to the GP about her continence. There is medication but dont know if it would be useful. There is an agreement for DM to have covert medication but it took a bit of talking about and specialists involved to get that in place.

My mother has found the phrase 'weak bladder' acceptable....

[quote IoWfairy]@Opal8
It's lovely to connect - the wonderful dancers we'd like to imagine we were, rather that the frustrating old woman and the worn-out, middle-aged carer we have become!![/quote]
Yes! :)

Any advice on refusal to acknowledge incontinence? Mum has always been a really clean person and it's hard to see her pretending she hadn't had an accident when I can see she has. I've bought pads and pants in different colours and left them in an obvious place but she won't discuss it. If I contact the nursing scheme we're on will they advise medication? Can I do that against her will?

@Wombat69

As it stands she'd be fine (it's Abbeyfield we're looking at).

But I'm not going away until late July so who knows by then..

Our local Abbeyfield has guest rooms and I know you can holiday for longer at some of the others in the area. Would she be able to cope or does she need a respite place with higher care?

Thanks knot. I have checked it out...it's one visitor for up to an hour per day between 2pm and 8pm, booked directly with the ward.

I agree it wouldn't be a bad thing for her to go somewhere for a bit. We do have somewhere in mind subject to availability. It's a supported housing place where she'd have a studio apartment but 2 communal meal a day and social stuff if she wanted it.

Minty it might be as well to check visiting just in case you need it. It will be on the hospital website. Here it was a designated hour (no good at all if you work) and the same named visitor all week, just the one. It varies so much from one hospital to another, one had relaxed visiting for patients with dementia, the other didn't. Mum was profoundly deaf, there was no exception for that in either hospital.

I hope it doesn't come to a visiting situation and that the arm is showing signs of improvement by tomorrow.

There's no harm in her having a week "in somewhere" while you are away, if she can find somewhere with good food and a decent activity programme she might find the days passing quickly. She will have people there all the time if she wants the company. It means that if anything happens in the future she has the experience of a care setting and it's not a great unknown.

Sorry @MintyCedric I cross posted with you. Hope there is nothing more sinister going on with mum's arm.