Cockroach Cafe - come and try our new sunroom

Stressed to the eyeballs here.
Due to.gly out to Finland on Tuesday to see DS2 and DIL who I haven't seen since their very hastily re-arranged with just us three wedding 2 days before they emigrated. It now looks like Finland are going to impose testing requirements but we don't know what snd when.
Dad isn't great and when he has been like this before he has ended up in hospital for at least a week.
MIL has been having clashing health problems for a few weeks and on top of that has had chest infection after chest infection. Now they are talking about hospital admission. Turns out they haven't had their boosters yet as FIL can no longer drive and MIL is in a wheelchair so "we can't get to.a centre". DH pointed out we had given him details of taxi firms with wheelchair adapted cars or he could speak to his GP but he doesn't see why he should have to sort it out. DH has given up asking his dad if he needs anything doing as he gets snapped at for offering before it's a predictable crisis then FIL is all "woe is me I can't cope with this" so we hadn't known about the booster.
So now we have the possibility of being stuck at home over Christmas with 1 or 2 parents in hospital and FIL panicking. My head is firmly stuck in the sand right now.

Oh nota I take back my barbed comments about SIL. What a supportive and insightful thing for her to say.

My mother is in the 'well, not' category too, like many on here.

I had to cancel my planned visit on Sunday as I've injured my back and wasn't safe to drive. So it's just Christmas Eve to get through then a nice break from work. Which will be very welcome.

Oh, @IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere, that's so sad.
Made me reflect that my mum has so many lovely friends who would all willingly help her (and I'd be grateful if they could) but mum is determined that I'm to be the dutiful daughter so she can boast about me to her friends - 'oh don't worry, fairy will do that'.
It's a difficult dynamic when the daughter is permanently resentful and just won't do it.

We should get t shirts made 🤣

@Opal8 @MintyCedric
Can I join the permanently resentful branch of the bad daughters society too - I believe I fulfil all the requirements!

When people admit to feelings that I have felt it really does help.

I had a traumatic chat with one of mum's best friend this morning. She is younger than mum, bit reclusive/difficult to get to know but once she trusts you she is fiercely loyal. Anyway, I was telling her what mum was like and she just fell apart. She isn't someone you can hug or even touch but she was heart broken and feels unable to cope with visiting but then feels she is letting mum down. My lovely daughter was there and said that what Gma would want more than anything else was to know that I was ok and that she would want Friend and I to support each other. She also pointed out that Gma did not visit Gdad in hospital because she wanted to remember him the way he was and she would want her friends to remember her well too.

I just felt so sad for her. She's lost her best friend and I couldn't even comfort her.

SIL's visit was good. I pointed out to her that she was a fantastic daughter to her mum, and that I am, well, not. She pointed out that her mum was a lovely mum to her, whereas my mum, was, well, not.

Yep, I like to get this stuff over ASAP too, which is probably why the arm situation is driving me a bit batshit atm.

Tbh I'm kind of hoping they just admit her to hospital for a few days and try and reduce her blood thinners under obs which is one option that's been mooted.

She's not going to stop fretting about it until she sees it clearing up.

I'd rather get it over worh tbh...and mum will be glad its over too

Geriatric dating website? Christ....

The thing is it might give you a breather but then it's another thing to add to the stack of crap on the to-do list.

Back at mums now, just grabbing a sandwich while she peruses her geriatric dating website...

Hoping tomorrow's hospital appointment for mum isn't cancelled...

🍸

Yep...:(

I'll join you on the permanently resentful bench of that's OK?

I'm an exhausted, permanently resentful mug is what I'm Opal but thanks anyway.

The thing is, what's the alternative?

@MintyCedric

You are a fecking saint

Nurse had decreed another GP appt...this afternoon...at the surgery on the other side of town as its all that's available.

The procedure she was supposed to be carrying out was also unsuccessful so that will possibly need to be revisited at another date.

Was supposed to be picking DD up from the last of her end of term exams and taking her for a pizza this evening. Former definitely won't happen and the latter is looking unlikely now.

I'm up to eyeballs in paperwork, my house looks like it's been burgled and have errands to run.

Mum's first aside this morning was that I should be concentrating on by business venture or looking for a job.

Not sure how TAF that is supposed to work?

How’s your mum Nota?
Good luck with the nurse Minty

I’ve had DM’s best friend texting this morning asking if she’s ok because DM was coughing on the phone and she (mum) took offence when friend asked if she was ok to go out with them this afternoon and put the phone down on her.
I rang to check she was ok and she’s now taken offence at both of us for texting each other about her. Honestly.
The cough is something she always has and is related to thyroid issues.

How is your mum doing now nota? Good luck with SILs visit

I imagine careline companies are being belt and braces because with the state of the NHS etc waiting times are awful.

Dad fell out of bed once after he broke his back (pre Covid and him being declared end of life). We'd been told not to move him if he had a fall but we had to wait 4 hours for paramedics to come and sort him out. Not their fault of course, but not pleasant either.

Had a call from mum's friend yesterday - the non-local one who is all about the softly softly approach re L 🙄. Apparently she'd spoken to a nurse friend of hers about mum's arm and was very concerned about the seriousness of the situation.

I pointed out that whilst yes, it was a worry and does look hideous, she's seen 3 medical professionals in the last 6 days, had blood tests to check platelet count, is not in pain, lacking mobility or suffering confusion, and there is no inflammation or heat that would suggest the infection isn't under control. I may also have mentioned my advanced first aid qualification!

I was torn between being a bit hacked off at the implication I wasn't taking the situation seriously, and wondering wtf mum has (or more likely hasn't) told her.

Ended up popping round late last night as mum called saying a vein had come up in her arm...I went round and it didn't look any different but hey ho.

We have an appointment with the nurse at midday for something else so hopefully they might be able to reassure her or actually suggest a plan of action.

Yes nota exactly. Thé incontinence issues lead them to limit fluid intake often, then falls happen.

I am so grateful I wasn't ever called out to a fall. The paramedics just dealt with it themselves then let me know. Things may well have changed on that score in the last two years, in what they are prepared to do, for obvious reasons. Huge sympathy to all dealing with that.

Anyway, at least your bro got to experience first hand what you are dealing with and that is not a bad thing.

Re SIL- apply your Teflon with a trowel! She sounds like hard work. You could also hand her a polishing cloth and some brasso for that halo of hers as well.

Mum treats the emergency pull cord system in her flat with utter disdain...

"Wht would I use that? I'll just call you..."

I think DB was somewhat shocked that the call went to him, because I'm first on the list, he's second, them it goes to Ambulance if they can't get either of us. So it's me that usually deals with falls, etc. She was still on the floor when I got there, because he didn't know how to get her up. Being an old hand at this myself, I've been shown how to do it previously by a paramedic.

I think Words is probably spot on re the low blood pressure, not drinking water. I think the recent increase in incontinence is probably linked.

My SIL is coming on a brief visit today, and I know that she will be shocked at the decline in DM's appearance and I am already bracing myself for the conversation that is likely to follow. (She is in the good daughter club - nursed her own mother through dementia etc).

Presumably the ambulance service is the backup if no other option. We never got to that point with DM and I'm reminded to be grateful x