Cockroach Cafe - come and try our new sunroom

@YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp

Just popping in to say elder DD has Covid and is banished to her room in a flat share. She was desperate for honey and lemons to soothe a scratchy throat but didn't want to ask for help. Well the Co-Op has a same day delivery service and within an hour of selecting some fresh food items it was delivered to her door this afternoon. All for a fee of £1.99. What an amazing service. She is so happy.
Just thought some people with struggling DFs and DMs might want to use this service to send a microwave lasagne and a trifle from the chiller to their elderlies to cheer them up. Or indeed fast track some emergency wine and chocolate straight to your own door

Thanks @Opal8 I’m doing ok thanks- appt re chemo etc next week.
although dm is not great, pressure sores affecting her feet/ sleep and seems v low. Trying to jolly her along but not easy.
Hoping to get her here( a short distance) on Christmas Day.

Oh Opal I'm sorry you're having a shitty day.

Takeaway and wine tonight?

We're just on our way back from DDs 2nd jab (25+ mile round trip) and have stopped for a Maccys en route .

She's at her dad's this evening so I will have crisps, mince pies and wine for dinner.

I also would have found it easier to care for my dad...we just clicked and he was more inclined to take advice rather than questioning every single thing and distrusting medical professionals in favour of doing whatever the hell (s)he wanted.

Even with the personal care and physical demands I'd have found him easier.

Hope you are doing OK @thesandwich x

🌺🌺opal

I feel like having a bit of a cry :(

I've got to take ds1 for his booster jab then go and be all cheerful later at afternoon tea with mum and sibs.

yan sending love to you x

It's not easy for me to admit but I would have found it much easier to care for my late dad. He was the parent who gave love, cuddles, help...

Mums appointment went OK. She's got to have pessaries for 3 months and then urodynamics testing (that'll be fun...)

I'm in a temper this morning. I wasn't feeling great last night so stayed upstairs. Came down this morning and "d"h hadn't done the dishes. Mess everywhere, baked on food, online grocery shop to put away, bloody freezer is iced up....arghhhhhh
I HATE it. He knows I HATE it. I've been telling him for 20+ years. If he had no intention of doing it, why not call me down?
Sorry, I know its not much in the grand scheme of things bit it's just more proof (if needed) where I sit in hospital list of priorities.
Ugh.
I need a coffee!!

On the topic of 'I don't know how long I can manage this', you would be amazed at our capacity to manage, to adapt to take on more and more... but it tends to happen incrementally, so you might not even notice it. Of course what it has usually meant is that in order to do x, we have had to stop doing y. Which we may think is a temporary measure, but then not doing y becomes the norm.

Rather like boiling a frog.

@knotaknitter life with olds is complicated enough without having to keep up with all these rule changes isn't it.

@countrygirl99 I hope your plans work out and you get out and back without drama.

I see that the guidance on care homes has changed, three named visitors from today (not including essential care givers or pre-school aged children). I looked at that after I'd rung to book a visit to MIL, no-one asked me who I was or whether I was on a list so I may have got in before the new guidance has trickled down to staff. I'm not surprised because the home isn't following national guidance or the guidance for visitors that's on their website and that guidance isn't in line with the national guidance anyway.

That's lovely to hear hairbrush

I honestly don't know how long I can manage it...when I hear of people caring for parents in their nineties and think I could have another 10 years of this I want to throw myself under a bus tbh.

I love my mum dearly but I really want to be her daughter, not her full time carer. She's pushing me to crack on with my plans or get a job so I'm going to look for something part-time/flexible in the new year. I think we both need a better balance.

I left my marriage in 2016 because of XHs controlling behaviour...since then I've had a total of 8 months in my own home with no parents to care for or pandemic to worry about.

I just want my life back...which I'm sure is how we all feel.

@Opal8 @MintyCedric My dc "lost" their mum for 6 months.

It was 9 years for us, the last 2 were hell. Strangely, now that she is not my responsibility has gone so has the resentment. My kids still love me (and Grandma). My husband as waited patiently for me and we are rediscovering things that make us happy together rather than two people who share a kitchen and a bed. Turns out he is a lovely bloke, reminds me very much of the boy I fell in love when I was 17 lol!

I guess it's a good thing we don't know when we start caring how long it will be for. If someone had told me 9 years ago how it would be I could never have done it. Cockroaches to all of you.

I feel for you so much @MintyCedric

It didn't affect my eldest so might but ds2 was only 4 when my dad died :(

Some people get horrific haematomas don't they?...hopefully that's all.it is on your mums case.

Awful nights sleep last night. So I've dropped ds2 at College, done 2 loads of washing, watched an episode of hawkeye with ds1, and am now in bed 😲

I'm going to try and relax til it's time to take mum.

Good luck with the hospital appt btw Opal.

Mum was prescribed another course of antibiotics yesterday. It seems they are not overly concerned about the haematoma as she has full movement of her arm/hand/fingers. He put a call into orthopaedics to confirm this and is asking cardio to call him and discuss a possible change in mum's blood thinners.

@countrygirl99 I hope your plans all work out. Good on your DH for standing up for you all.

@Opal8

My dc "lost" their mum for 6 months.

That's exactly how I feel, although it's been getting on for 2 years now. Was supposed to pick her up from college yesterday after her first end of term exams but couldn't. We did manage to get out for a pizza last night though, and took a slow drive back with many detours to look at people's Christmas lights with The Darkness, The Pogues and Buble on the car stereo.

I'm so aware now that I have less than 2 years with her at home. Also don't feel I've supported her enough with anything...GCSEs, pandemic, issues with her Dad, choosing college etc.

The upside is that she's very mature, independent and resilient, but it still makes me sad that it's because she's not had any other choice.

Don't worry DP is pretty good at boundaries but it's still tough for him when his dad is crying down the phone. He was quite firm with his dad yesterday telling him he has th choice of making arrangements with a taxi firm or remaining un bolstered as we are avoiding seeing people pre travel.

After dad died I did everything for mum. I arranged the funeral, sorted admin, dealt with his company, sorted his car, hmrc, pensions....all whilst also dealing wirh mums weekly at the point hospital admissions. To this day she has no idea how much I did nor what it cost me mentally and emotionally.

My dc "lost" their mum for 6 months.

I will not do that again. She's not remotely grateful. It is "expected". Whereas my siblings are lauded for a 30 minute visit once a week or a daily 2 minute phone call.

(Thry both live nearer to her than I do)

Fingers crossed for Finland only a change in regulations or a positive test will stop us going. I was booking the pre-departure tests at 5am this morning despite not knowing if they would be needed as we are likely to need to do the test within 48 hours of arrival and that means after 15.45 Sunday. The test place shuts at 17.00 and 2 on the 5 suitable 15 minute slots were slresdy completely booked.
FIL has been like this for ages, if you try and suggest something he gets angry then cries down the phone if what he wants goes wrong. He gets determined to do something that has a high chance of going wrong but won't listen to suggestions for mitigating the risk.

It's hospital appointment today (assuming it's not cancelled)
She's not happy I can't go in with her

@countrygirl99 I think it gets to a stage where if they won't help themselves you have to step back for your own sanity.

You gave fil all the info he needed. He has chosen not to do it. Sad, infuriating but his problem.

Go to Finland!

Oh dear @countrygirl99 they both sound increasingly overwhelmed by the complexities. Maybe hospital admission is right but goodness it adds to the complications for you.

I've come down with what now feels like a chest infection myself, and am being investigated for pulsatile tinnitus. I think I've been at such a high pitch of overload since Mum had her brain haemorrhage in early Oct that I'm just falling apart. I don't really have the energy to worry about work and I can't visit her like this - it feels like I've been tackled at the knees and crashed to the ground. It's at times like this I miss my Mum as she was, and know that I'm lucky she was a comforting person to ring so I have happy memories of those calls. to those who do more than I do without the good memories.