Cockroach Cafe - come and try our new sunroom

Welcome to the club that nobody wants to be a member of Apricot.

Apparently DM is recovering 'well' from her stroke. Eating pureed food, sitting out of bed for an hour a day.

I am still away, coming back later this week. I don't think that it has hurt DB to have stepped into my shoes for a while.

The conclusion that I have come to, having faced down the tidal wave of stress that was overwhelming me, is that I was barely coping with her level of needs before the stroke, and I now need to put boundaries in place so that whatever the outcome is post hospital, it isn't reliant on me.

And my God I know that will be hard - but perhaps easier given I am now the 'absent daughter'.

Another newbie here.

I have lots of leftover chocolate biscuits as an offering - not sure if that's acceptable in early January?

I have read through a lot of this thread and it has made me realise I don't have it as bad as I thought, though that could change at any time...

My DF is mid nineties and despite being very frail and with multiple organs on the verge of failure is still going. He is a bit forgetful, but no dementia.

He is now reduced to living in one room due to mobility issues and has carers in 4 times a day.

I live a few miles away and organise things. I visit two or three times a week and call every day.

I just find it so desperately sad that my once vibrant parent is reduced to this existence. He is being kept alive on almost two dozen tablets each day and has no quality of life. No matter how many visitors he gets, he always says he is bored and lonely.

I don't know what I want really; just a place to vent about what a strange society we live in.

I'm off to hit the bottle

@neveroutoftheChristmaskitchen - I’m not sure that they’re all necessary. My strategy today was to send my DH instead because I was busy seeing a friend. Mum was a bit miffed that I didn’t drop everything but DH got the tech stuff done and proved it doesn’t always have to be me. I have a lot of friends to see!

@AfterEightMintyCedric sorry you are getting this emotional blackmail. Try to ignore it?
@IoWfairyonthetopofthetree once you start these things you will have that job forever. Try to do the bare minimum if you don't or can't do that much. Are all the jobs necessary??

Happy 2022, everyone!
Just been catching up on your dramas - it's been busy for some of you!
Well I've survived without much to report. Everyone was in good health. Mum enjoyed having family around but now they've gone, I'm getting the brunt of her loneliness 'hangover'. I'm trying to wean her off the constant attention, whilst deflecting the guilt-trip. First Christmas without dad was never going to be easy so I think we all did ok, really.
I can't help mentally noticing how much she can't manage without assistance - relatives gave her new appliances but I'm providing tech support, lost her online passwords - ask when I'll be round to reset, can't put away decorations - guess whose job that will be? I'm living 50miles away and I'm working so it won't be as soon as she'd like.

I will go round to mine tomorrow as per usual routine...she usually backs down if I keep my distance for a day or two (temporarily at least)

...it's an unforgivable thing to say to a grieving child.

Apparently he also gave his blessing to her antics with L.

Not the impression I got when my dad was rolling his eyes at the mention of his name and telling me 'your Mum doesn't want to look after me anymore...' but hey ho

Mums 76th birthday tomorrow and she's coming for dinner

That'll be fun

I think you need to really back off for your own sanity

You know what she said about your dad in utter bollocks (thank god your dad had you!) and, frankly, as a mother, it's an unforgivable thing to say to a grieving child.

How's everyone doing?

Started the NY with a massive falling out with mum over me going out last night instead of spending it with her.

Messaged and called her last night...ignored.

Called today and got an earful of what a terrible daughter I am, how disappointed my dad would be in me and that she's decided it's best if we don't have anymore to do with one another, before she made the conversation all about L and I hung up.

So that's great...

Happy New Year

We’ve had a take away curry and dropped DS off at a party. DD and I are drinking G&Ts and we’ll open some fizz and watch the Hootenanny later.

DB, DD and I spent a few hours with DM this afternoon and it was lovely. We’ll pop round tomorrow as DD is going back to where she lives on Sunday.

My parents always made a huge thing of NYE and had an open house for the whole village. I first took DH home to meet them on NYE and there was a party in full swing.
DM was quite philosophical about being on her own tonight though and was planning nice food and drink for tonight.

I think we're going to walk down to the beach for midnight

I've been for a walk with dh and seen some fireworks

Not that hungry so had a coffee and sine biscuits

Rock n roll! 🤣

Happy cockroaching new year all!

At BFFs... we're already a bottle of prosecco down and still waiting for out takeaway.

Happy new year and love to all 💜

I'm playing backgammon with DS, helped along by a bottle of Armarula.

Happy new year all, thanks for the support that you have given me. I hope that 2022 works out better all round.

I’m watching the James Bond film with dd and dh….. early! Chocolate will be consumed…..
Pjs very tempting……
Thank you all you lovely people for your support in 2021. Many cockroaches 🪳 🪳to you all.

I have big plans for tonight and nothing has has happened to changed them.

I have taken two slices of quiche out of the freezer (posh expensive quiche I ordered when the proper foodie family members were supposed to come for Christmas), DH at work and the tv hard drive full of programmes no one but me wants to watch.

My only concern is whether or not I need to wear a dressing gown? Will I be smart enough in just my PJ's?

Wishing all you wonderful people many cockroaches and a better year in 2022.

Left to myself I'd be in bed at a normal time because it's just a day on the calendar for me. There's no point in doing that as I'd be woken up with the fireworks at midnight.

I have a piece of gammon in the kitchen doing its thing and someone gave me a bottle of wine today so I'll have a normal evening with trashy tv, knitting and a slightly later bedtime. I visited MIL earlier in the week and as she's spent the last 30 years being bah humbug about the festive season I feel no need to be marking it as a special day.

I hope that 2022 is an improvement on 2021 for us all. Onwards and upwards and all that.

I'm seeing my bf for a glass of champagne and a meal out. I'm only just recovering from the illness that felled me from Boxing Day onwards. I have to be honest and say that I'm relieved that my mum's home has locked down into quarantine after some cases on her floor. I'm so shattered that the prospect of travelling to see her made me want to cry. Awful for her though.

Happy NY everyone and May those who can be released, and those who can't meet kindness everywhere.

Marmite mines catchphrase is 'I must have a sweet...'

Tbh she seems to do okay with it overall and at her age I'm not going to have a pop about it. She did briefly think about starting smoking again after dad died and I told her I didn't approve of the idea but if she really thought it would help her then I wouldn't nag her either. When she saw how much the cost of fags has gone up since she gave up 15 years ago she soon changed her mind.

What's everyone up to tonight? Was supposed to going out with my best mate but neither of us are feeling it so I'm going to hers for a takeaway and DIY karaoke sesh.

Mum has known about this for a couple of weeks but still had to spend 2 hours peeling her off the ceiling before I left this morning.

I do feel a bit bad that she'll be on her own this evening, but I really need this evening to kick such a crappy year into touch and we did Christmas her way so I don't think IABU.

@AfterEightMintyCedric Your DM's idea of a diabetic diet sounds similar to my mums - she will refuse fruit because it's full of sugar but thinks nothing of eating two puddings after her dinner and snacking on chocolate and biscuits between meals. My DSis has recently managed to persuade her that the "strange" feeling she had in the morning wasn't due to low suger so she didn't need 2 teaspoons of sugar in her tea and a couple of biscuits to get her glucose level back up again.

BTW Mere your dad's approach to diet sound similar to my mum's.

She has gone from type 2 in insulin dependent diabetes over the years.

So she's given up potatoes, pasta and bread...but still snacks constantly on wine gums, mint humbugs & chocolate rice cakes and has an ice cream every night. Oh, and evaporated milk on her cereal in the morning!

Hi everyone.

So sorry to read that lots of you are having trials and tribulations with your elderlies...I hope you all have positive news soon.

I have been reading 'An Extra Pair of Hands' by Kate Mosse...the book about caring for elderly parents.

I fully expected it to give me the rage...after all she's a very wealthy woman with a flexible job, supportive husband and multiple siblings...her experience of caring would be a million miles away.

But she's really done her research, and it seems however fortunate people are practically, the emotional impact of caring and the feelings when that time comes to an end are similar...it's very well done.

Not something you might want to read when in the thick of it, but definitely worth it when the time is right.