Cockroach Cafe - come and try our new sunroom

@notaflyingmonkey I saw your other thread where discharge is to be to nursing care. When mum first went into residential care the social worker told me that they like to see self funders with three years money. I am guessing that if it had been much less than that then they would have wanted to have a say in the placement to avoid moving mum later. When MIL left hospital for residential care SS did it all, despite her being a self funder. They even went round to her house and packed a bag of clothes for her as SIL was too busy to do it and knew my mum was in hospital.

It's a horrible time, the end of what you know and the uncertainty as to what you should be doing, whether you are doing the right thing. The social work team at the hospital do this every day, you can talk to them even if they are not being asked to pay.

@notaflyingmonkey

No! Stop right there. Outsource and focus on self.

We don't know that they are expecting her to go home @IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere, just that they are working towards discharge. It could be to specialist rehab or to nursing care. I think Nota has enough to be worrying about with her mum in hospital without starting to worry about her mum coming home from hospital.

Today we will cope with today's issues and next week's can wait.

@whatever45 I'm sorry for your loss

@notaflyingmonkey not surprised you have a tension headache. How on earth are they expecting her to go home?

I don't know if you need to stay stepped back nota or if you need to make it clear to the doctor and/or occupational therapist on the ward that she wasn't coping before wuth incontinence and mobility issues, plus you were giving huge amount of support which you're no longer able to give, and she's less able now.

Hope you have a restful night x

Thanks all.

I spent about four hours cleaning her house today, and only stopped because I filled the bins. Her increased incontinence meant that it was pretty grim going. I'm aiming for a hot shower and an early night to try and shift my tension headache.

Tomorrow is another day.

@notaflyingmonkey

I'm so sorry. It's awful seeing them like that I know, and a worry for you re the discharge date they're proposing, but as knot says, that really is something the hospital will have to deal with.

Take care.

@notaflyingmonkey I’m so sorry. But as @Knotaknitter says it is harder for you than her. 🌺🌺🌺
Could you look at some nursing homes you would be happy for her to go to? Does she have a sw?
All you can do is arm yourself with info. And please look after you.

@notaflyingmonkey I am sorry but bear in mind that it's harder for you than it is for her because she's not aware of her present condition nor worried about the future. There's a world of difference between working towards a date of the 19th and actually being discharged then, this is very much someone else's problem.

Where on earth are they intending to discharge her to!?

I won't see mum today as we've got a new bed being delivered and have had to chop the old divan up and will be going to the tip later...in the pouring rain 😫
Then need to put new frame together

So I've got the guilts 🙄

I took her out for breakfast yesterday. She seems OK atm

I'm sorry @notaflyingmonkey It's shocking isn't it when our loved ones drop another level.

Was allowed in to see DM last night. She in a deep sleep that I couldn't manage to rouse her from. Nurse said she'd been put on a drip as she isn't eating or drinking, and that they use a hoist to get her out of bed once a day to put her in the chair - but that they are working towards a discharge date of 19 Jan. God knows how, or where they intend to discharge her to.

She is a shell. I know this is early days, but if is the level of her recovery, god help her. Nobody, but nobody would want to live that life.

@whatever45 Even if you see the end coming it's still hard. Try to take care of yourself, regular meals and all that.

Sorry for your loss Whatever I hope that you are doing ok and taking care of yourself.

Sorry to hear your news @whatever45

I'm sorry @whatever45

Take care of yourself.

Oh @whatever45 So very sorry.

I'm glad it was peaceful whatever45. One step at a time.

I am so sorry @whatever45 🌺🌺🌺

Just to update that my Dad passed away very early this morning. I was able to spend time with him during the evening and all was peaceful.
Feels strange that it's all over after 5/6 years of the difficult situation with my parents. Now to face dealing with the next part and seeing my brother again .
Thank you for listening and being there.

Jeremy Vine show this lunchtime had interesting session about looking after elders. We probably knew quite a lot about it already but good to hear it being shared more widely
Starts just after 1hr into the show, lasts about 15min

www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m00132p9

That is so sad

How annoying is this .
My friend ( father died 7 years ago ) has kept in contact with her father's wife ( they met and married in sheltered accommodation so she doesn't see her as a step mother ) but continued contact.
Anyway , the woman now in her 90s and unable to look after herself , has been moved into care home a year ago . My friend once covid restrictions allowed used to visit her fairly regularly .
The elderly lady has a son who lived out of UK , he never visits as is fairly elderly himself. She also has a nephew that visits on birthdays / Christmas only .
Friend phoned up to book a visit , first of the year , to be told they have changed their visiting policy and only 2 named visitors allowed.
Her son & nephew on list . She has had nephew visit once , no son visit . Friend has been many occasions yet the home will not relent . She does not have phone numbers for son /nephew.
This elderly woman will not be getting any visits.