Cockroach Cafe - come and try our new sunroom

@thesandwich take care of yourself and make the most of that support. Hope all goes well

I am already applying for jobs and had an interview Wednesday (unsuccessful) and another lined up on Monday, as well as a shortlist of jobs to apply for next week.

I'm a bit all over the place emotionally atm, either feeling really anxious, depressed or very positive and not much in between but it's early days.

Thank you @Opal8 and @notaflyingmonkey.
I do believe this board is a lifesaver. Just to be heard by those who have been there, and lots of brilliant advice.
I am so grateful for the support, advice, humour and cake(!)
I’ve just had my second session with a brilliant personal trainer specialising in people through and beyond cancer treatment… absolutely fantastic. She talked about “who’s on team sandwich” and I’ve been gobsmacked by the support I’ve had.
We are all team cochroach

Good luck with the chemo sandwich.

This room has become a lifeline for me recently. I'm not one for sentiment, but I am very grateful for the support here.

Sorry to hear of all the challenges you are all facing. Soup sounds lovely.
@notaflyingmonkey your dm may have some vision etc…. Hopefully proper assessment and support can be given. But please try and give yourself some time. The la may well offer deferred payment re house etc……
And @NewYearNewMinty get applying for jobs if you feel ready…..
Chemo started here…. So far ok, and overwhelmed by the love and support from wonderful friends and some(!) family.long way to go.

@Knotaknitter that soup sounds gorgeous!

Sorry to hear that everyone is wading through treacle atm.

We went to see our local Abbeyfield Independent living place on Wednesday...it was absolutely amazing and brilliant value.

Mum liked it, but isn't sure she's ready for it just yet (I think she definitely is, but it's the dissonance between knowing it and accepting it as we all know).

They do a trial stay but it's for 3 months which is quite a commitment.

She wants to take L to see it next week .

Selling houses for other people is so difficult. It looks like my mum's flat sale is going through quite soon and I'm panicking that we shouldn't have sold it. But I do think it has to be the right decision, God knows we agonised enough before putting it on the market.

@notaflyingmonkey After my husband died I was a long while before I moved his shoes from the porch because he'd be wanting them when he came back. I knew he was dead, I knew he wasn't coming back but moving his shoes would be recognising that and I wasn't ready to do it.

I knew intellectually that mum wasn't going to suddenly recover from her dementia and go back to her old self living at home but I didn't really accept that for months after she'd gone into residential care. We want a happy ending, it's hard to accept that there won't be one. I have wondered whether this is why I'm so relaxed (the correct description might be "slow") about applying for probate, I'm not ready to sell the house but I can't legally do a thing with it at the moment even if I did want to. I am legitimately waiting for a valuation on some rings after which I'm out of delaying tactics (the DWP need to tell me whether they are owed money but I suspect I can work that out for myself)

The soup was one of the best I've ever eaten, as I threw random stuff in a pan there's no chance of duplicating it but I wrote down what I remember putting in it so I might get close another time. Chicken, chicken stock, garlic, ginger, butternut squash, red lentils, chili flakes, lime juice and coconut milk. I doubt the half tin of sweetcorn, frozen, made any difference at all.

Afternoon
(Budge up...)
Had to take mum to drs this morning. She's dizzy, low BP and weak.
They've tweaked one of her meds so 🤞 she'll feel better by the time we go back next week.
She's also developed a tremor in her hands.
Fun times.
Cockroach all x

nota strokes are so hard. When MIL had hers FIL clung on to the hope that she would recover the ability to speak for well over 2 years. In the end he took her out of the care home after 23 months as he was convinced being there was holding her back. I think it was about 3 years before he could accept it wasn't going to happen.

I made bottom of the fridge vegetable soup at the weekend - anything that was still identifiable went in the pot. I'm terrible at looking after myself when stressed, so am forcing a bowl of healthy soup down me.

I have realised that I am struggling with the concept of selling DM's house, as it means she has nowhere to go back to when she gets better.

Yesterday I put in my family group chat that DM had managed to do a couple of crosswords in a mag, so I saw that as a positive sign of her improvement. DD pointed out that it was a mag that DB had taken her in from home, and that she could no longer actually read.

It would appear that I am in denial over how bad this stroke was.

There was me thinking it was warm due to so many people crowding in!
Dad is still hanging on in there. Mum doesn't understand that he isn't going to get better which makes for some very awkward conversations. Yesterday she told the GP she is looking forward to getting him home again among other things that clearly demonstrated her dementia. That was never going to happen, it would have been a care home.

The bad daughter's bench has been reupholstered because of the wear, it's toasty in here because of the fire (virtual heating doesn't come with a bill) and there's hot chocolate for all. Regular poster, sometimes poster, lurker - it doesn't matter, all are welcome.

In real life I have soup simmering, it is part of a back of the freezer clearance of small leftovers. I've worked out why I never seem to buy anything for lunch, I've spent decades eating my lunch with mum and although I've not done that since April I've still not made that mental adjustment that leads through to the shopping list.

We’re currently in the process of looking at care homes for my dad, who has dementia, on a respite basis with plan to stay long term. (Some of you commented on my thread - thank you all for your advice).

Our preferred option on paper is in lockdown, and when I told my mum and said we’d have to wait, she said ‘oh but I wouldn’t mind not seeing him’. I had to count to ten and figure out a polite way of saying it wasn’t just all about her!

@knotaknitter I get so frustrated with the whole "just do a zoom call" attitude to visiting bans. MIL would just knock the screen out of the way in protest.

@countrygirl99 I am so glad that you found someone who doesn't think in black and white. Your mum can't go unless someone takes her which means if that someone is working/busy then no-one can go.

This is the second week of MIL's care home being shut, they tested all the residents this week and she was found to have covid. I'm assuming she didn't have symptoms |(otherwise they would have found it before mass testing) but I wouldn't know as The Family wouldn't think to tell me. I can't ring as she's deaf (no I'm not, stop mumbling) and can't write as the glasses she has aren't hers and I've hit a brick wall on getting new ones. Previously MIL would have had rage like a burning sun, the dementia (which she doesn't have) has softened her and made her much more pleasant to deal with. I'm still anticipating a rough ride on the first visit when they reopen.

DM has had the same look of dissatisfaction on her face for so long this morning, I'm surprised she hasn't got cramp in her face.

That sounds so tough Country.

How lovely of the ward clerk. Thinking of you @countrygirl99

Dad is still hanging on, he's a tough old bird. Youngest DB is planning to take mum this afternoon and lovely ward clerk is turning another blind eye to the breach of rules.
Difficult morning as my boss lost his mum over night so I am having to contact loads of people and rearrange/respond to stuff on his behalf. Then say they say "so we need to contact you for the next few days" and I have to explain there may be neither of us around.

Indeed, so glad to got to see him.

Thank goodness for common sense xxx

They let me in. Ward clerk was lovely when I called and said that although it's meant to be the same 2 people every time, as mumhas dementia, I could go as an essential carer for her. It was distressing seeing him in that state but I was able to tell him I love him and we are looking after mum.