Cockroach Cafe - come and try our new sunroom

minty thank you for welcoming me. The hospital have said she needs 2 carers, 4 times per day. She needs changing in bed, and hoisting to use the toilet. They will provide that for 6 weeks, then she will be assessed by the council. My dh and I will do everything in between.
My employer is very flexible, and I could work hours to suit, but the hospital says dm needs 24/7 care and supervision. She also shouts out in confusion during the night, so I think my job will have to go.
I’m a very sociable person, and dread not seeing people. I feel so guilty about my dd too.

I’m an only child. My dh is very supportive, and loves dm as I do. We feel like we have to try this, but I’m having major doubts.
I don’t think there will be a good outcome, whichever route we take.
Much guilt lies ahead. Really feeling the responsibility.
I’ve read through this thread, and I feel for everyone who is facing these sorts of decisions. I’m not alone, after all….

Cherry welcome and I'm so sorry you're going through this...it sounds horrendous.

Have you checked private carers yourself? Would that be financially viable?

Would your employer consider flexible working or a sabbatical?

I did the latter and subsequently left my job...my world has got very small, very quickly. The financial ramifications are huge and it's a very deep hole to drag yourself out of.

My DD is 17 and I'm struggling with guilt about the amount of responsibility she's had to take on over the last couple of years and the financial impact on her.

If there're other options that could be considered I would try and find another route.

May I join you? My 76yr old dm has been in hospital since last July. We share a house, and have always lived together, along with my Dh, two grown up sons and 11yr old dd.

I came home from work to find dm still in bed. She was soaking wet, as she has been incontinent for years. She was very confused and couldn’t stand up, so we called an ambulance. They took her in. Three weeks later, she went to a rehab hospital, and has been there ever since. She had an infection after being in for a few months, and after that they said she now can’t sit in a chair safely. So, she is now bedridden. We have been waiting for her to come home since 2nd November, but there are no home carers available. They want to send her to a care home for the interim, but because she suffers so badly with delirium, I just can’t allow them to do it. I know this is going to be so hard. I will have to give up my job, that I love. I will be housebound for most of the time. My dd will miss out on days out/ holidays etc….. I’m so worried and scared, but dm is so confused and this happened so suddenly. Feel pulled in all directions. Sorry for the long post.

Oh lord, @countrygirl99 you really are going through it .

@notaflyingmonkey do take some time out to look after yourself.

I'm definitely still at least 50% basketcase even though I'm now 'only' dealing with mum.

Some things are better - the self harm and suicidal ideation are well in the last now, but have been replaced by monumental panic attacks, and my confidence/self esteem are non existent. I can go from positive to panic to negative and back to positive in a few hours and it bewildering.

Cockroach all

Bloody hell.

My other brother has gone round this evening. Dad was very sleepy and unresponsive today. On the way to visit she was complaining no one's telling her when dad can come home. He never will. In the very unlikely event he pulls through this he will have very high care needs and will definitely need to be in a nursing home. When we got there she was surprised he wasin a side ward. He's been on one since Wednesday😔

Oh @countrygirl99 who's looking after your mum now?

Mum has just phoned my youngest brother to tell him dad is in hospital. He's taken her to see him twice in the last few days😔. Then she phoned me to tell me dad 2ss very sleepy today. I've only been back from taking her for an hour.

Sending 🌺 and good wishes to those of you planning funerals and facing last goodbyes.
And @notaflyingmonkey you are no use to anyone broken and burnt out.
Take some time off. Go back to the anti ds, and put your needs first.

Even though hospital are keen to discharge DM to a nursing home, they haven't been able to find one #with spaces that can meet her needs. So they are moving her around within the Trust when/where there is a bed.

Doesn't sound like best practise to me. But then we all know the NHS is at breaking point.

In other news, DD has moved out this weekend. I have spent pretty much the whole weekend cleaning to the point of exhaustion, and not really being able to speak to anyone.

I realise that I need to go back on my anti depressants, and think about taking some time off work as I am fast becoming a basket case, and that is not sustainable.

Sorry to hear so many of your parents are moving into end of life.

Morning all. Been to visit mum this morning and took her some yellow chrysanthemums which are her favourite. She's getting weaker but still eating porridge and drinking milk with honey. Her carer feeds her little mouthfuls during the day. We've had the 'injectables' delivered now from the palliative team but no need yet. Guess it's a waiting game now.

whatever that is very thoughtful. I hope everyone' funerals go as they hope and bring comfort.

Podcast sounds helpful, will have a look for it. Planning funeral here too as it's this week. We have so much Covid at work that they want me to work from home incase I get it and then can't go to funeral. Really touched that they are being so thoughtful.
Off to look in fridge for possible soup ingredients.

Morning all! I’m sorry to hear about all the covid palaver so many of you are having to negotiate. I’ve spent the last few days making preparations (organisational and mental) for Dad’s funeral. The current covid rules just add to the complexity and anxiety, without giving us an excuse to limit numbers.
I’m a great fan of podcasts and someone directed me to ‘The Happiness Lab’ which had a couple of recent episodes with Julia Samuel talking about grief - very timely for me, but I now realise it’s the sort of information which I wish I’d had in advance of dad’s deteriorating health and might have helped me through the last couple of years. Anyway, I’m passing on the tip to you lot.
In domestic news, I decided to use up the last of the left-over-from-Christmas parsnips in a sort of Spanish omelette. It wasn’t very nice, I’ll stick to soup in future.

Thinking of you Dint, I found Dad's care home were so good at guiding me as to when they felt I needed to be there.
Sending good vibes to all fellow Bad Daughters.

So glad you’ve seen him and he’s rallied.@MereDintofPandiculation

Thinking of you mere.

Indeed, fingers crossed.

[quote Knotaknitter]@MereDintofPandiculation I am sorry to hear that, I hope that it's someone being overcautious.[/quote]
Ditto.

Sending virtual hugs. I hope your visit goes well.

@MereDintofPandiculation His carehome team obviously are in step with him which hopefully delivers you a little comfort. From all your posts they sound like they have made the effort to get to know him and are very fond of him. Favourite staff members will change shift to be near I bet. xx

@MereDintofPandiculation I am sorry to hear that, I hope that it's someone being overcautious.

Oh meredint it's always a shock and hard. Hope all is calm.

@MereDintofPandiculation so sorry to hear this. Thinking of you. 🌺🌺

Sorry to hear that Dint. I hope that you get to visit him ok.