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Elderly parents
Original poster

Cockroach Cafe - come and try our new sunroom

989 replies

MereDintofPandiculation · 20/11/2021 20:45

Welcome, come and see our new sunroom/conservatory, open just in time for the colder weather, and opens straight off the Bad Daughter’s room.

Anyway, come in when you want to share good news, or to rant, or to ask a small question that doesn't warrant its own thread. Or just to hang out with others who understand what you're going through.

For newbies: why cockroach? Previous long term resident of "Elderly Parents" Yolo's DM attended a 'small animal event' in a nursing home, and was presented with a "small animal with a hard back" the name of which species she couldn't remember. Her ever helpful DB suggested cockroach, and it has become a toast on here. So cockroach mes amis/amies, and may you all live to fight another day.

OP posts:
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6
IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 23/01/2022 11:38

@Knotaknitter I am an only child and I visit once a week. You do not need to do more than you are already doing.

thesandwich · 23/01/2022 10:59

@Knotaknitter please stop beating yourself up! I know many of us here are hardwired to put the needs of the elderlies first, but you have done so much and been through so much.
Sit on your hands. Please focus on you, rebuilding your strength and wellbeing. Otherwise sil will let you take it all on.

PermanentTemporary · 23/01/2022 10:23

Knota please don't torture yourself. Your
MIL has familiar people around her now in the home. I think the rules re care home visiting are likely to change quite soon and if you feel able to go back to weekly visits you will be able to, without labelling yourself in a way that then means you'll be holding responsibility that will burden you without changing or improving things for her.

Knotaknitter · 23/01/2022 10:07

Someone give me a good talking to as my resolve is crumbling. MIL is in residential care, I go and see her once a week out of a sense of duty. I've not seen her since before Christmas as the home has been shut for covid.

The issue is that I know that I could be visiting if I stood up as the essential care giver but I don't want to. I could then be popping in twice a week for a chat but I don't want to. I worry that once I'm The One then SIL will step backwards into the shadows and I'll be left with responsibility for MIL just at the point where I've stopped being responsible for mum. Once I'm the only one who can visit then I will feel that I have to go and I don't want four covid tests a week for an hour's chat so I'd be going twice. An hour a week has been the limit of my commitment, I feel guilty that I'm not able to do that, I can see a way where I could do it but worry that it's opening the door to accepting greater responsibility.

There is a side order of resentment that her own family don't see her so I have to pick up the slack but I don't "have to" do anything (and nor do they) and I know that it's my guilt that is the driver.

thesandwich · 20/01/2022 20:28

So glad it went well @whatever45.
🌺🌺@countrygirl99

NewYearNewMinty · 20/01/2022 20:05

Glad it went as well as these things can @whatever45.

Be kind to yourself in the days ahead Flowers.

whatever45 · 20/01/2022 19:49

Thank you so so much for being there and understanding, all of you. The tip about mascara was most useful as that hadn't dawned on me.
Home again now and trying to take it all in. It went really well and was relaxed and personal. No sign of my brother at the church or the crematorium, not having any awkwardness was a huge relief but also great sadness that this is what our original family unit of 4 has come to.
Not sure what happens now really, facing normal life I guess .
Hope maybe in time I can support those of you that are still in the middle of all this too.
Dry January proving a challenge.

Knotaknitter · 20/01/2022 18:43

@whatever45 The funeral is behind you now, I hope it went well.

countrygirl99 · 20/01/2022 18:06

Hope it went well today Whatever.
Mum is being very hard work which is understandable but she just phoned me to ask what she needs to do to organise the funeral. We had the meeting with the funeral director this morning😔

thesandwich · 20/01/2022 12:53

Sending strength and good wishes@whatever45.

TheIoWfairyiscancelled · 20/01/2022 11:14

Wishing you strength today @whatever45 - and robust mascara!

notaflyingmonkey · 20/01/2022 10:56

Hope it goes well whatever

whatever45 · 20/01/2022 10:50

Funeral today, sun is shining Thanks

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 20/01/2022 09:14

@countrygirl99 Flowers

OP posts:
whatever45 · 19/01/2022 21:50

Countrygirl sorry to hear your news. Hope you're okay

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 19/01/2022 21:13

@countrygirl99 I'm so sorry.

PermanentTemporary · 19/01/2022 20:51

It sounded like you were dreading it for good reason countrygirl.

MoreElderlyParentWoes · 19/01/2022 20:48

I’m so sorry, countrygirl.

SuperDiaperBaby · 19/01/2022 20:26

Oh @countrygirl99 that is so tough for you all.

Cherrysherbet · 19/01/2022 20:16

countrygirl I’m so sorry for your loss.

Ieatmarmite · 19/01/2022 20:03

@countrygirl99, So sorry for your loss.

littlebilliie · 19/01/2022 19:31

@countrygirl99

Thanks everyone. Nice biscuits very much appreciated. Now crashed on the sofa with a glass of wine.
I'm sorry for your loss
countrygirl99 · 19/01/2022 18:12

Thanks everyone. Nice biscuits very much appreciated. Now crashed on the sofa with a glass of wine.

TheIoWfairyiscancelled · 19/01/2022 18:03

So sorry to hear your news @countrygirl99

Seems like a particularly tough week for many here - shall I pass round the nice biscuits? 🍪

freshcarnation · 19/01/2022 17:22

@countrygirl99 So very sorry

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