Power of attorney and spending money

Like I said though, we have a while before exchange anyway.

We’ll see what next week throws up with the assessments, speak to the solicitor.

And he wouldn’t be able to afford an assisted living flat. The closest ones to us start at 200k. That’s more than the value of his properly and savings combined.

To rent they start at 2k a month.

The flat he’s selling is warden assisted - it’s crap to be honest. They have been zero help.

I do see what you mean.

He does have significant savings which would pay for care in the meantime.

My in FILs mum is in a home. Savings are still paying for now but they rent out her flat and put the proceeds into the account to keep it topping up so they don’t have to sell for a while. So that’s where the idea came from.

Solicitor has said that as he signed all the paperwork, they don’t have a problem with it going through. He’s just waiting for exchange of contracts now. The place he’s buying here is cheaper than the one he’s selling and fees are coming out of proceeds.

I know he probably won’t end up living there, sadly.

We have a couple of weeks before exchange anyway. So if it is very apparent he needs care, we’d still have to sell it at some point anyway, or rent it out to help pay for the care home along with his savings.

The latter would be far easier to do with a flat that wasn’t 3 hours away.

Social services came here the day after he came home and did a full assessment but that was just for his physical needs - I’ve had a hell of a time trying to get the ball rolling on any cognitive diagnosis. No one seems to care.

The GP who came out was awful. When said I was terrified that he would fall down the stairs in the middle of the night or unlock the front door and walk out, she asked if I could lock him in the room he was sleeping in.

She even left the memory test for me to do as she said she had to leave.

She said she was going to refer to the memory clinic, but when I spoke to her the next day and she called the ambulance, I asked her did she do it, and she said “no, no point now he’s going to hospital”.

I feel like I’ve been banging my head against a brick wall.

He was in after a fall, declared medically fit the next day. I was guilt tripped into taking him home, they kept telling me how awful it would be to be in a temp care home, he’d have to isolate due to being discharged from hospital. They made me feel terrible. They sent him home that evening with a commode in hospital transport.

Social worker rang the next day, said she was sorry, it was an unsafe discharge and they put emergency carers in place. But obviously, that didn’t work out.

I won’t make the same mistake again.

I feel so guilty.

My 19 year old has just been telling me he feels awful because every time me and dh left the room, my dad was launching into tirades about how we were plotting to steal all his money from him.

My dad is fixated on money, he’s always hoarded it. His neighbours used to tell me that he was always saying I was trying to take all his money. They knew it wasn’t true but money is honestly the one thing he cares about in life above everything else.

I know it’s illness talking but it hurts so much, I’ve tried to help him and it does feel like a slap in the face.

Sorry - the issue with the stairs is that he has terrible arthritis in his knees. He’s very unstable and cannot walk up stairs.

We’ve had the falls people out, he’s got a frame, SS gave us a commode but he stopped eating and drinking for a couple of days as he was refusing to use it and then he would try and climb the steep stairs to the bathroom when we were asleep.

But hospital said he wasn’t dehydrated and no UTI or other infections.

Medically he’s fit as a fiddle. Dr who did tests last time said he’s as fit as a man in his 50s (he’s 85, always been very fit and healthy).

He’s medically fit. No infections.

He can’t come back to my house as there are stairs and he keeps trying to climb them - and we are in the midst of moving and will be back and forth for the next ten days or so. It’s chaos and confusing him more.

He couldn’t go back to the house he currently owns - it’s too far away and we’d be back at square one with drs and trying to get a memory clinic referral.

His new flat, they are now saying possible completion on the 10th.

That’s if he can live alone.

When I spoke to the social worker yesterday they were saying a temporary placement until his flat is ready.

But we just don’t know what the situation will be.

The jr dr I spoke to today was taking notes for the consultant.

My poor dad, he’s so confused. Hospital makes that worse. But he can’t be here because it’s not safe for him.

I just don’t know what to do.

Thank you

Can I get this moved to elderly parents board? How do I ask for that?

The house is all going through. Like I said, at the moment it’s just easier to buy the flat here because I can’t afford to go up and down.

But who knows what will happen.

The dr just wanted to take history, again. The same history I gave yesterday and the day before.

My poor dad is so confused.

He thinks my husband died and that I’m now living in a mansion with a golfer called Steve.

This is so hard. I just want my dad back. And that’s never going to happen.

I’m just sat in the car park sobbing.