Power of attorney and spending money

And his own “home” is 3 hours away.

He doesn’t have a GP there anymore - the one here fully registered him, not just temp as it was clear he needed help. First dr I spoke to seemed good - the one they sent out later that day? She as the one who asked if I could just lock him in a room and kept saying “I’m not sure why I’m here”.

So he would be dumped 3 hours away with no care.

Last time they were so desparate to get rid of him, they stuck him in a taxi they have a contract with and sent him back with a commode.

No, he’s not sure of this address, he’s only ever visited a few times (we’ve only lived in this area here 18 months) and he doesn’t know this area at all.

Plus, we move house on wednesday. We are going to stay with my in laws from tomorrow while dh takes everything apart. So there’s nowhere for him to come back to.

And my new house isn’t suitable for him, there is no separate room downstairs for him to sleep in. He can’t have a bed and a commode in the same room the children are in all day.

Oh I know, I’ve made it clear he cannot come back here.

And that he needs an assessment into his cognitive state.

And she said he clearly doesn’t need to be in a care home yet and we can’t force him into one, but in the next breath said he was very confused.

So I said, okay, so what do I do about his car then? He’s not going to listen when we have to move his car down here when his house completes and I tell him he can’t drive.

She said the same thing the GP did, that sometimes people who shouldn’t be driving do

This is why we need some sort of diagnosis!!

Currently there is nothing on his medical records to say he can’t drive.

I mean, I’d never let him drive again. but when he’s accusing me of trying to get his money to anyone that will listen, can you imagine when I refuse to let him have his car?

Everytime I speak to a social worker or a doctor I speak about his driving and I always get the same answer that they can’t help.

I’ve reported to the DVLA. But they contact the GP. And like I said, nothing on his medical records say he’s unfit to drive.

His old neighbours called the police, they were told there was nothing they could do.

I’m seeing him again this afternoon.

I am so frustrated at trying to get him some help.
This isn’t fair on any of us.

Social worker from the hospital just called to say they can discharge him and he can come back here as he can get up from bed to chair ok.

I said no, went through everything again.

I said what about the cognitive assessment I spoke with the dr about yesterday? She said that has to be done in the community. Well, it’s
not because the GP couldn’t be arsed to refer him as he was in hospital.

So she said when is his flat ready, you’ll have to contact SS again for another assessment for home care once he’s in.

I’ve made it clear he can’t come back to my house because of the stairs he keeps trying to climb, he is going to fall. But because he’s only ever had one fall, and we are in touch with the falls advisor she said it wasn’t enough of an issue.

She is going to speak to the consultant and call me back.

This is such a shit show. No one seems to want to help him with any sort of diagnosis so we know where we stand.

I used to work a lot of nightshifts, getting people up and dressed for the day at 5am, or just the conveyor belt of changing pads as quickly as you could. It used to break my heart.

I got a warning once for spending time
comforting a lady who was crying. I didn’t get through the other pad changes fast enough before handover. Manager was furious but I couldn’t have left her so distressed like I was supposed to.

And i’d never be swayed by activities. Half the time they don’t happen (unless they know families will be visiting), or they are just ridiculous and inappropriate sometimes.

And it’s so different with my own dad, I’ve just gone to pieces and I can’t think or process anything.

I’m the same with my kids, I worked as a school welfare officer for a while, eve amount of injuries, broken arms, ambulance calls I did with ease - my own kids, I just crumble on the spot.

So that’s not helping my state of mind at all.

I’ve not mentioned this before but I was a carer on and off for years, caring for dementia patients.

I’ve worked for some of the so called best care home chains in the country, done agency work, I must have worked in dozens. The amount of times I’ve had to report poor care to the CQC when managers didn’t care.

I wouldn’t have boarded a dog some of the places I worked and the way some of the managers and staff acted when families visited, they deserved oscars.

So I’m so scared having seen what it’s like from the inside.

Dh says at least I could keep on top of it.

It’s just so hard to be losing him like this and so fast.

He’s been not the easiest person. He’s curtailed my life since I was a child (wouldn’t let me go to college because he wanted me to stay near him, followed me around the country when I had to move, I’ve lost jobs in the past because he pretend to be ill so I would have to take so much time off, my first husband left me because of his demanding behaviour).

But despite all that he’s still my dad and seeing him like this kills me. I can’t stand it. Right now, I wish that he would become ill and pass away, as terrible as it sounds, I can’t stand to see him suffer like this, being so confused and knowing he will only get worse.

There is only him and me, my mum died when I was a child, no siblings, no extended family.

I just hate this.

From a quick google, it looks like there is a savings threshold for the council which he would be over.

My dads SIL was the same, she had to go into a home for the same reasons at 83. She was fit and healthy too.

She lived for another 12 years, she died earlier this year. The last 8 years of her life she was just sat looking ahead. No life in her at all. It was terrible.

My dad begged no earlier this year never to let him end up like her. And now this

But because she was so physically fit and it was just her brain, she kept on surviving.

So I never assume anything would be short term, even given his age.

I’ll have a look into that, thank you.

I’m just so drained at the moment. This has all gone down hill so fast.

Mid September, he was filling up an online Ikea basket with new table, chairs and a bed for his flat and comparing prices to Argos and chatting to the estate agent about completion dates.

And now he thinks my husband, who he last saw on thursday is dead.