Posting here because it's difficult to say to friends...
My mother is in her 80s and her health has deteriorated rapidly over the last year. She's currently in hospital on the palliative care pathway.
I am her only relative in the UK and have over the years dutifully visited, liaised with care agency/social workers etc. This last year has been very full on. I am the person the hospital/social worker/lifeline etc call. I have done what I can to facilitate a decent relationship between her and my children - it mainly consisted of protecting them from her toxicity tbh.
And I couldn't care less that she is coming to the end of her life. I've been advocating for pain relief etc and don't want her to suffer, but I have no concerns about missing her or wishing I'd done something differently once she has passed away. In reality, we have never liked each other very much. She says that she loves me and although I would never say to her that I don't love her, I don't.
Her other daughter lives far away overseas and is currently visiting for a few weeks. I am utterly relieved that she can 'take over' and I no longer have to visit etc. I'm actually hoping that she dies while my sister is her and she can arrange her funeral and have closure etc as they have a much closer relationship.
It will be me doing the practical stuff after she dies, clearing out the house and admin etc, so I see this as a break rather than some 'family reunion'.
I suppose I'm just wondering if anyone else has ever felt like this? I've had several very traumatic bereavements in my life, so it's not that I don't know how to 'grieve' but I'm completely unemotional about my mother dying.