POA/Wills - parent refusing

PlandeRaccord - you have no problems paying your DD’s bills because you are using YOUR money to pay for them.

The OP can’t afford to do that. She won’t be able to access her mums money to pay her mums bills. She won’t be able to deal with any errors or mistakes (like a massive over-estimated bill or the end of a fixed term utility contract). If her mother needs any care she won’t be able to get the up to date statements needed for a financial assessment.

Sorry, that was meant to be in reply to @PlanDeRaccordement

Sometimes if intestacy means that less goes to your spouse than would have been the case with a will (e.g. intestacy provides for some to go to your children), then you can be in a worse position due to less spouse exemption. But your estate needs to be fairly big before that happens.

No wise words but big hugs OP. It took two years to convince my DM to allow me to organise POA.
I’d have one last try saying any unpaid bills will result in penalties and does she want to waste hundreds or thousands on bills on fines etc.

Re PoA, if she's incapacitated long term then the application to court is much longer and more expensive than an LPA where there's still capacity.

You can check how intestacy will apply to her estate here: www.gov.uk/inherits-someone-dies-without-will

If that's roughly in line with her wishes, then as above it should be fine.

I think as long as your mum is mentally capable, I'd be quite blunt. Point out that she is going to be undergoing a lot of treatment and is likely to have significant inpatient time. That without POA you won't be able to pay her bills. So when she comes out she may/will face charges/overdue fees/bailiffs because you haven't been able to act on her behalf.

This ^

Is there anyone from MacMillan or Marie Curie Nurses or any other support she is receiving that might also suggest it to her - pointing out that whereas it is ultimately up to her, it is a very practical, sensible thing she can do to both help you and to make life easier for herself?

My DM died intestate with no will, whereas my DF died with a will and it was not extra trouble handling my DMs estate compared to my DF. You still file the death with courts with either will to confirm being executor or to be appointed one if no will. You follow inheritance law when there is no will instead of a wills instructions, but in both cases you’re still dividing assets and transferring ownership.

On a side note, I have never had trouble paying bills on behalf of someone still living. I pay my adult DDs utility bills in Scotland even though her name is on the accounts and I’m paying from France. They don’t care where the money comes from...especially if you are paying online with a credit card. You just put in invoice number, confirm the account to be credited and pay. So I am not sure you need a POA to pay a bill?

If the person is dead, normally you need only a death certificate and be next of kin to not just pay but close mobile phone, internet accounts, not a POA. For bank accounts/assets you need either court probate approving will showing you as executor or court filing appointing you as executor if no will....six eggs or half dozen really.

So really I thought it would be easier too with will and all that and was grateful to my DF for having one, but when he passed it wasn’t actually any easier in practice in my opinion. It was actually not needed, in his case, as his will matched inheritance law anyway by giving equal shares to all his children.

Just my experience.

Ask her if she fancies Boris and his chums getting a chunk of her estate because she made no will....

Ask her whether she prefers you or a stranger deciding her medical care (or lack of)

Can you pitch the POA as a way for you to do (even) more for her? How great it will be if you can order bank statements, replace lost credit cards etc. Pitch it as for her benefit, not yours. It might do the trick. Will is far more tricky - presumably it's just you and your sibling i.e. she doesn't have a partner/dh. If this is the case, then I understand the estate would fall to you both to be divided equally and you could then distribute as per her wishes. If she's suggested her estate should not be divided equally between you and your sibling then you would have a problem - could you get a Letter of Wishes from her - you type, she signs. Also, POA - make sure it's lasting and you get one for health as well. Good luck, OP, it's really, really tough for you.

I think as long as your mum is mentally capable, I'd be quite blunt. Point out that she is going to be undergoing a lot of treatment and is likely to have significant inpatient time. That without POA you won't be able to pay her bills. So when she comes out she may/will face charges/overdue fees/bailiffs because you haven't been able to act on her behalf.

Now, if she anything like mum she'll say, "well you'll just ring them and pretend to be me and make it all ok". If she pulls that one I'd be explaining that despite living her very much, you won't be breaking the law by pretending to be her to anyone.

Difficult but ultimately it’s her choice