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Elderly parents
Original poster

Paying for live in care

30 replies

Fupoffyagrasshole · 17/10/2021 10:39

My mum is quite wealthy - plenty of money coming in from various properties and investments!!

She’s never given any of us a penny - which is fine - her choice!

She has dementia and it’s really gotten bad now

We are in process of getting power of attorney to get control of finances etc

She has access to so much money and we have no idea where it goes - could be going in the bin for all we know

Now she needs live in care - and my brother has just emailed to say he needs 500£ each a month from the siblings…

I don’t have this kind of money! The rest have agreed - I don’t know what to say!

I have a new baby, on maternity leave so not bringing in lots of money right now, we have savings - but nursery is looming and we need money for that!

She has the money to fund this herself but she won’t pay for it

What’s people’s thoughts on this!

I don’t want to fall out with my siblings - I’m hoping they understand that if I don’t have the money I dont have it ! I’ve a knot in the pit of my stomach tbh

OP posts:
EmmaGrundyForPM · 17/10/2021 11:13

Given what you describe, she is not suitable for live in care. Live in carers are there to support during the day and for emergencies at night. If your DM is restless and unsettled all night, you need a waking night worker. It would be completely unfair on a live in care worker to be woken constantly.

Does the agency supplying the day time care offer a waking night service? If so, expect to pay quite a lot for it.

I don't know the law in RoI. In England you can't get PoA if the person has already lost capacity to make decisions about their finances or care. The case would have to go to the Court of Protection which takes ages, although the CoP can authorise money to be released to pay for care in thd interim.

As for you contributing. if you can't afford it you can't afford it. You need to tell your siblings that.

FleasInMyKnees · 17/10/2021 11:08

She needs a assessment, it's not about the money, it's about her safety. How will a live in carer stop her wandering at night, falling or go outside, you cannot lock her in. If the government are funding her daytime care how did that get arranged, was she assessed by a health professional, has she agreed to have a live in carer. Has she been made a ward of Court,

Original poster
Fupoffyagrasshole · 17/10/2021 11:02

We are in Ireland! So we get something called ward of court

Basically 2 doctors assess her and agree she is no longer capable to make her own financial decisions and we will then have control of how her money is spent

We are a little while off that yet but it is in process

She is ok during the day as we have carers dropping in 3 times a day - making sure she eats etc funded by the government

We have agreed that she needs someone there at night as she phones is all through the night confused and she wanders round etc which is now dangerous I feel in case she goes outside or falls

We will probably do live in care first then eventually care home

When we have access to money in a few months we can pay no problem

But my brother is saying it can’t wait she needs someone now

I agree - but I can’t pay for it so think it will have to wait

My mum thinks she’s in perfect health so trying to get her to agree is a lost cause

OP posts:
Kitkat151 · 17/10/2021 10:54

I would be extremely surprised you would be able to get power of attorney now her dementia is so bad

FleasInMyKnees · 17/10/2021 10:51

If she has severe dementia are you still able to get power of attorney, has she had a capacity assessment. Has she agreed to have a live in carer and pay for it. If she has a live in carer who will look after her when the carer has a day off, is asleep, on holidays.

She should have a care needs assessment to see if she is safe to live at home even with a carer, a capacity assessment and a financial assessment, if she is really struggling then she may be safer in a carehome and may need special care which she could get funding for. Does she claim attendance allowance. Who has decided she needs live in care, that is something for her doctor, nurses and social services to decide especially if she lacks capacity to make her own decisions.
I would not agree to give your brother money, you dont know how it will be spent, you dont know if a live in carer is the safest option. I would try and organise a family meeting to discuss how mum gets the right care she needs first before anyone agrees to pay for anything.

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