First steps supporting someone with Alzheimer’s

32 replies

TheChosenTwo · 18/09/2021 10:56

Sorry, I’m sure this post has appeared hundreds of times but I would really like some advice.
My grandad has Alzheimer’s and is rapidly declining in his ability to keep himself and his home under control.
He doesn’t live locally but I’m the only family he has. I hold PoA but haven’t had to use this yet (I don’t actually know how to ‘use’ it or what to do with it to be honest).
I’m going to see him at home today to talk to him about how to help him. He has discussed before that he doesn’t want to go into a home and will not leave his house. But I’m getting all kinds of distressed phone calls from him when I’m at work, asking me to get to him ASAP because of various emergencies. When I get there, nothing is wrong and he says that he didn’t say to come then and there, just when I could, because eg his toilet seat is broken or he’s worried about a fence panel in his garden.
This can’t continue, my job doesn’t really allow me to do this easily. I think he just wants company. I do get up and see him as frequently as possible. I call him on the days that I can’t.
I think he needs to go into a home but I just don’t know how to do it. I don’t know who to contact. I’ve tried contacting his GP to ask if he has a social worker (he tells me he does but I can’t see any paperwork at his house regarding it) but they’ve not got back to me. He’s been assessed a few times by the memory clinic and they called me and left a message, when I called back they were closed…
Just feeling like I’ve got the weight of the world on my shoulders and I have no idea where to turn or how to get help for him.
Any advice? He’s also currently going through an awful process of a divorce which isn’t helping, he knows what’s going on and his solicitors are keeping us both informed of each step but I know this is causing additional stress.
I’ve never had to negotiate my way through anything like this, sorry if my post is rambly and nonsensical but I’d be grateful if anyone could help

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Original poster

TheChosenTwo · 18/09/2021 17:12

Possibly. Worth looking in to. It would be a good start but I don’t really want to start getting involved in his finances because he literally loses money (last year I found 8K in a pillowcase in his cupboard when changing his bedsheets and he honestly didn’t know where it had come from, I find things like this often to be honest. He tells me people are robbing him, hence it being difficult to get anyone like a cleaner in but I know he’s just forgetful and loses things.
Today I also discovered that 4K has come out of one account even though he said he ripped up the cheque for the person he wrote it for because they were conmen and he decided to use another tradesman to do a job for him. But something has happened because the money has left the account and there’s a bankstub saying £4000 - he can remember the name of the man who came but not the name of the company. I’ve googled but not found anything. He then said not to worry about it, just to leave it and forget it, it’s gone and he’s been robbed.

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DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 18/09/2021 17:04

If you have POA could you close those accounts and move them to ones he can't access so that he has enough to live on but his savings are secure?

Original poster

TheChosenTwo · 18/09/2021 16:47

The doctors already have a copy of my POA, the solicitors sent me a copy to pass on to them. But no one contacts me. He was recently admitted to hospital after a reaction to the vaccine and i didn’t know.
He banks with several places, there are issues with him drawing out large amounts of cash and losing them/giving them away and I’ve spoken to the different banks, been in to see them and they’ve agreed to call me when he goes in to make withdrawals over a certain amounts and yet this hasn’t happened and he’s drawn out over £9,000 since July, he doesn’t know what he’s done with any of it although I found £2,000 in his house today. I don’t know what to do,
I’m at my wits end with it all.

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DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 18/09/2021 14:14

That sounds like such a difficult situation. First thing I'd do is to get in touch with his bank abs doctors abs inform them both that you have POA and you want it on record.

Original poster

TheChosenTwo · 18/09/2021 11:52

I’ve organised cleaners previously (he really needs this) but he’s accused them of stealing from him and chased them out of the house.
His garden is his pride and joy and he wouldn’t let anyone else do this.
He had to have a tree cut down a while ago and he wrote them a blank cheque

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freshcarnation · 18/09/2021 11:36

It's tricky. Unless your grandfather agrees he needs to go into a home it won't happen. He is also allowed to turn down carers if he doesn't want them. Would he agree to a gardener/cleaner visiting? This is often a good gateway to getting someone to agree to help.

Original poster

TheChosenTwo · 18/09/2021 11:01

Just to add, social services (I’m guessing?) had organised carers to come in twice a day to check he was getting up and having breakfast and taking his medication and the same for the evening but he told them he didn’t want them in his house anymore because he was convinced they were snooping in his bedroom. So they’ve gone.
It’s so frustrating.

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