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Elderly parents
Original poster

Paranoid MIL - what do we do?

55 replies

TonTonMacoute · 07/08/2021 16:43

MIL is in her 80s.

We have suspected that she might be developing dementia for a few years now, but over the last few weeks she has suddenly become extremely paranoid.

DH is an only child, she lives close by and we do a lot for her, but now has suddenly started accusing DH of stealing or hiding her things. She is absolutely convinced that he sneaks into her house and moves or hides her things (often jewellery but letters too). Then, when they inevitably turn up again, he has sneaked in again and put them back.

DS and I are accused of helping him and covering for him. There is no way of reasoning with her about this.

We have spoken to her GP, and they did do some tests and have apparently told MIL that there is nothing wrong with her.

Has anyone else been through this?

OP posts:
alexdgr8 · 07/08/2021 17:20

so sorry, that sounds like classic dementia. i'm not a HCP, just lots of experience in the family etc.
yo need to find out what help is available locally.
try Age UK. local alzheimers groups. Carers centres, sometimes called princess royal centres, for support to families.
no good challenging it.
just try vague sympathy, oh dear well let's get you another one...
while changing the subject, distracting, then go look for radio, step ladder, phone etc, whatever they are sure has been stolen.
all the best.

DogsSausages · 07/08/2021 17:14

The gp doesnt sound much help, has mil ever been properly assessed for dementia or mental health problems. Did the doctor rule out any infection or dehydration that has caused this sudden decline. If she is suddenly paranoid then it must be frightening for her, is she safe at home on her own. I have seen people decline and stop letting people in the house and wont eat anything thinking it's been tampered with. Did she tell you that the gp said there was nothing wrong, that may not be the truth. I would get back to the g.p and say you are concerned about her.

Wingingit573 · 07/08/2021 17:11

Get a urine sample and have her tested for a UTI, Can cause strange behaviour etc in Elderly people.
And keep pushing for some help. Good luck x

doodleZ1 · 07/08/2021 17:09

They are totally convinced that's the issue. My father-in-law was sent to a memory clinic to be assessed and even then it only came back as mild impairment even though he makes up stories that couldnt possibly happen.

doodleZ1 · 07/08/2021 17:04

We had this but it wasn't with us it was with father-in-law's friends. He accused them of stealing things, never to their face though. If anything went missing it was always this person that stole it, however what had happened was he put the item in a drawer under loads of stuff and we had to hunt to find it. It took us days one time to find his iPad. It didnt matter though anything going missing was always stolen in his eyes. At one point some relatives wanted to phone the police but we talked them out of it as we had see it before. Nothing was ever stolen but he was totally convinced almost to the point of being aggressive. Father-in-law was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment. He is sure in his mind that certain things have happened and there was no telling him anything different.