Cockroach Cafe - newly refurbished for the summer

That doesn't answer your question but I know fluent Welsh speakers are much happier speaking Welsh if possible

I would think it would be easier if she was in a home with Welsh-speaking carers & residents. Does she think in Welsh?

How often is reasonable to visit a residential home?

The only possibility of a home that has been suggested so far is a home that I have only heard bad things about. We have two homes here in town within walking distance and I was really hoping that a place would come up in one of those. But I was talking to a friend of my mum's today and I wondered whether she would be better off in a home where they have Welsh speaking carers.

Welsh is her first language and she has loved having a Welsh speaking neighbour on the ward although she has gone home now. I was wondering whether it would be better to consider homes a little further away where Welsh is more prevalent rather than hang out for somewhere where I can visit more than once a week?

Made my fortnightly visit to CH today. DM (90) no longer using cutlery, eats with her fingers and I can see her losing weight. Translucent skin, just veins and bones. She knocked back three cups of coffee and the biscuit and cake I gave her so she's not off her food. She'd been showered this morning and had had a visit from the dentist so wasn't in a bad way. Early signs of how fewer staff members having to cope the best the can. Replicated I'm sure in every town across the UK.

Countrygirl99
That's good to hear that your father got a letter from the police about a full medical and that he should seriously consider surrendering his licence.
You knew it was not safe for him to drive but according to him their is no issue. At least that letter has stopped this further worry about him getting another car.

Rest - FIL got a letter from the Police saying he should have a full medical and that he should seriously consider surrendering his licence. Job done😊

My main stress this last week has been trying to persuade DH to accept that we cannot do anything for MIL at the moment, and just tonstep back from it all for a bit.

Luckily we had a call from our contact on the dementia team who managed to visit MIL and is satisfied that she is looking after herself properly and is not at risk of any harm, so that has convinced him that we just need to let her get on with it for a while.

The safeguarding team emailed us and she is resisting them for the moment, but they are planning to visit her too. Our dementia team contact told us that she doesn't think MIL will accept any of their recommendations anyway!

She still rings us up regularly to inform us of all our shortcomings and also tells all our friends on Facebook messenger how terrible we are too.

On the positive side she won't go out, because she is convinced we go into her house when she isn't there, so we don't have to worry about her driving.

Happy birthday all. I didn't mention mine was coming, I doubt mum will ever realise she missed one. It was quite nice not to have the pressure of doing it right, finding something to want, buying it and then being surprised on the day.

I too am pretending to be away on holiday, I really was but came home early after a minor accident that made it difficult to walk. If I'm having to stop in I'd rather do it with decent internet, tv and a full freezer.

I taped up the flap that covered mum's central heating controls some time since. I'd get there and the house would be freezing because she'd turned it to water only.

Minty every week will be easier than the one before as you slip back into the routines of your working life. By Christmas it will be as if you've never been away.

Belated happy birthdays.
I've been very naughty. I have this week and next week off work and haven't told either set of parents. I have a huge backlog of jobs that need doing and I'm trying to get through some of them.

countrygirl I twitched when I read that, in my family circles (mine & OH's), buggering about with the central heating controls has always been the first sign of madness!

Happy birthday to you too @MintyCedric. Glad your workmates made a fuss of you.

I had a phone call today from the social worker. No sign of a bed for mum so we just keep waiting.

Happy birthdays hairbrush and carnation...mine was yesterday. I wonder if Virgos get to deal with shit more frequently because we're supposed to be stoical and efficient?!

I've been reading on and off but back at work for nearly 3 weeks now so...

First week was horrific, was thinking about talking to mum about jacking it in if she paid me for carers services!

Last week up and down...still considering it, then spend Thursday evening with her and OMG...if anything would ever make me determined to stick it out...

Yesterday was tough. I hadn't given the fact it was my first birthday without dad any thought really. Woke up feeling sad but didn't immediately register why....then arrived at work to a desk full of banners, balloons, flowers, cards and gifts and completely broke down.

Spent half an hour sobbing in a meeting room with my line manager and a bucket of coffee...everyone was very sweet.

My role has changed which is weird, as I'm the longest standing member of non-management staff, but have been kind of demoted in terms of my role and am out of the loop after being off for so long so it's a bit like walking a tightrope but they're being surprisingly supportive.

One of my new colleagues is older than me and widowed so I'm no longer the only singleton in the office and we've already talked about going out sometime.

Mum is still a massive worry...feel like I'm sitting on a time bomb but there's sweet fa I can do about it so trying to crack on with my own plans.

Cockroach all!

Happy birthdays hairbrush and carnation 🌺🌺🥳🥳

Happy birthday to us both

@freshcarnation I feel for you. I'm doing exactly the same with my mum - making sure everyone gets the presents she would normally send but there is no one to do it in return. Mum always says "I didn't recognise you" when I walk in but she seems to know it is me. I didn't mention my birthday to her because I was afraid of upsetting her. As it was my birthday was wonderful - my daughter and her husband came for the weekend so we went out for breakfast before my husband went to work. When my daughter left I spent the afternoon in my cousin's garden playing with our dogs and had a takeaway with my friend in the evening - if mum had been around everything would have revolved around her needs/abilities.

I hope you have a lovely birthday anyway.

@IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere I read your post about your birthday and it has resonated with me. My mum has dementia and I'm the only person she can't recognise face to face. She can chat quite happily over the phone but when I see her, which is several times a week, I'm a carer. We spoke last week about my birthday and that she was going to come out with me today to buy a new jacket. So I turned up today, got her in the car and said well we will go and buy my birthday jacket now. She said 'oh no, I'm not buying you a jacket because I've got to buy Freshcarnation one for her birthday'. She just can't believe it's me. I've decided to drop the subject of my birthday now. I'll make sure she gets cards and gifts for the other family members though.

Ah, that's difficult. I was hoping a 3rd party would make life easier.

My DM (late 80s) barges through people in the supermarket, using her trolley as an offensive weapon, perception & distance are definitely an issue...

I wasn't sad when she was told not to drive, tho now things are fixed, she does mention driving again.

country Your story reminds me of an incident nine years ago. Parents aged 80 years broke down on a motorway. DF went off to find an emergency phone leaving DM alone alongside vehicle. A little while later, DM set off in on hard shoulder in opposite direction looking for DF. Police patrol car picked them both up. Car towed off motorway and written off. Then DF bought another car. Feel your pain.

Mum turns 87 in about 2 weeks...

My mum just insured her car (via us) for £1050. That's 50 more than she paid for it. However, it's an improvement on the price she got when calling the insurer herself. Rip off merchants.