Cockroach Cafe - newly refurbished for the summer

Hairbrush I am really happy to hear that she's moved and hopefully will be able to pick up an old friendship.

I've been to see MIL today. My suspicion is water infection because she's more confused than is usual for her. I went an hour after lunchtime and her lunch plate was on her trolley, her breakfast plate and cup were on the side table. She's not left her room today because she thinks they are all going to laugh at her. There were dark mutterings about "that woman who hit me". Her daughter tells me she's happy and settled but I'm not seeing it myself. It really is quite depressing.

Well I buggered off on holiday. So not only will my name be mud for the duration, but it was for every visit in the preceding month or so as DM thought I had already been away and was annoyed that I had 'finally turned up' because she'd seen nobody etc. Apart from me, every other day, the carer every day, etc. So no doubt it will be more of the same when I get back, so pass the gin please someone.

DM is not exactly keen on clearing and selling the house and moving into sheltered housing, but she knows it is the only sensible thing to do, so she says she will not put up any objections. She is, however, worrying about what to do with all the stuff, wondering who might take what object, sad that probably no one in the family will want or have space for the old dresser that belonged to her great-grandparents and so on. I am trying to refocus her on the more positive task of selecting what items she would like to take with her.

Sorry have been Missing in Action. Mum has moved into the home and has settled well. The matron has told me that if I come by public transport to ring from the bus stop and they will send someone to pick me up because it's a long walk, in the middle of nowhere with no pavement.

Mum is currently in quarantine in a temporary room but will move to a room next door to an old friend that she hasn't seen for years. Hopefully they will know each other and pick up where they left off.

I will message you Minty to see if anything of my experience is of use for your piece.

Minty I just had a fortnight off and kept quiet about it.
Latest fun and games is covid booster jab. Mum and dad live in the same house and are both registered with the only GP in town. Both have received invites for the booster jab. Mum is being offered 2 dates at the weekend in one nearby town. Dad is only being offered weekdays in a further away town in the opposite direction. Go figure!

I haven't cleared my husband's wardrobe, it's been four years but I just can't. I have some sympathy with mum keeping all dad's stuff for close to twenty years but I'm not convinced that she could name her late husband, she is so disconnected from the past now. It's on my list, after I've done with pans and cake tins. We did the cake tin transfer about ten years ago so I already know that I have everything that I'm going to use.

Hahaha...so glad it's not just me!!

minty she doesn’t need to know….

I’ve recently gone part time Minty and haven’t told my mum either!

Thanks all .

Death seems to have that effect on me.

My 'first love' died 6 years ago at 39 - I wasn't directly in contact with him but his parents had become family friends.

It was his death that gave me the kick up the arse I needed to end my marriage. Now dad's death had given me the boot I needed to re-think my career.

I still haven't told mum I'm signed off .

Checking in as I dropped off this thread ages ago.

Minty I followed your story and just want to say well done and go for it.

The house clearing up thread resonates too. DM has Alzheimer’s but is coping well atm and living independently. Her mobility is another issue though so we’ve moved everything downstairs. Upstairs and the attic are crammed with 60 years worth of accumulated stuff though so I need to get on with sorting stuff including Dad’s clothes which are still in the wardrobe over a year after he died. DM won’t even look at them.

Minty I'm sure that your health is worth more than the money. If there was ever a point for a career change it's now, so many people are re-evaluating their priorities and deciding to do something different.

Minty it's amazing that you are doing this and I think it can only be positive x

Just checking in - and go minty! Congratulations. But take great care of yourself, keep those boundaries up with dm.

Thanks @Ilady that's really lovely lovely encouraging to hear about your friend.

I'm a bit numb and somewhat terrified atm. You know when you see a cartoon character jump off a cliff and they're suspended in mid air for a bit? Just like that!

But I've wanted to work for myself/freelance for a long time now...I hate being on someone else's schedule and I love being at home just getting on with stuff on my own without distractions (apart from the bloody Internet!).

Even if it doesn't work out, at least I'll know I've had a good crack of the whip.

Minty , you have been through so much in the past few years with your dad been sick and then dealing with your mother's issues. I know you went to the doctor and got some time off work. You at the stage now that you needed a break to get back on your feet mentally and physically. You did the right thing in leaving your job because you can keep pushing yourself and then end up very unwell either physically or mentally.
One of my friends took time off a stressful job a few years ago and after a few weeks she felt so much better. She ended up getting a nicer job with better pay within a few months.
Good luck with your plans for the next few months.

Oh I will do but it'll be some way off yet if I get lucky, maybe not so long if I self publish.

I'm also writing something about my experience caring for elderlies during Covid...am not sure if it'll be an article or something more substantial yet, but if anyone is interested in contributing feel free to drop me a PM.

Evening all. Just checking in as I seem to have dropped off this thread.

If it's a roller coaster maybe I'm reaching the calm part of the ride...? DM in hospital with a brain bleed. Actually doing OK and a spookily gentle and uncomplaining version of herself Had a good conversation with the doctors and all agreed Mum would want absolute minimum of intervention so no surgery, no needles, just trying to get out of hospital. Very high likelihood that she will be dead in 6 months and probably quickly once it happens. I can't help feeling it's a bit of a gift. She has been on a decline for some years but she probably won't have the long twilight this board knows all too well. Xx

@sasparilla1 her brother has told her that with the fuel problems he’s going to find it harder to drive to her, but she is locked into the mindset that she would have loads of visitors if she was at home (which we know is not true). She doesn’t have the capacity to realise this is in her best interests but forcing her to move doesn’t seem attractive either. The care home have kindly said they’ll keep the other place open while we sort this out.

Minty that's fantastic, I really hope it works out for you!

I'm back after this morning's rant, sorry!

exexpat But at least she seems fairly keen, I hope the waiting list isn't too long! My parents have an awful green griffin lamp base in their garage loft (that's how lovely it is!) that my sister and I inherited from our grandparents. My grandmother used to insist it was a present to someone in the family from royalty. I suspect not!

Toofar That sounds really tough. Would she understand if you effectively sold it to her as she'd have more visitors?

Well done Minty - I really hope it works out for you.

Morning fellow passengers on the world's shittiest roller coaster.

No more mum dramas since the weekend thankfully.

I handed in my resignation yesterday. The last couple of years have completely knocked me for six, and I need a complete change of everything which I can't do while I'm in that position so...plunge taken.

I have 6 months from the beginning of November to build up a base of freelance clients and/or get an agent for my first novel (first draft completed, edit pending).

If that doesn't work out I'll have to reconsider my options, but if I don't give it a go I'm going to just completely lose the will to live tbh.

Morning everyone!
Well dm is home from hospital and the care package won't be in place for another 2 weeks, so there's been lots of muddling around to try to sort out private care to cover for now. Df needs it as much as dm to be honest. He physically can't do everything.

Dm is being a bloody nightmare too.... my sister is working from theirs for the week and she had to intervene in another argument yesterday. Dm was shouting at df because he couldn't find exactly the jumper she wanted (she has 3.5 wardrobes full of clothes!), and so she took her oxygen off!! I'm furious with her but, as my sister said, if you say anything she just crys. She is, and always has been, a massive narcissist!