Cockroach Cafe - newly refurbished for the summer

So sorry to hear your news, sandwich. I hope the treatment isn't too gruelling.

Yep, my friend had an aggressive breast cancer a few years ago and she had treatment & is now really good. In some ways better. A tough road tho.

The long-running thread in General Health is very helpful.

Sorry to hear your news sandwich.

Do take care of yourself and best of luck with the treatment.

A close friend of mine had it 6 years ago, a year before we met. She had surgery and chemo and has been clear ever since.

Thanks dint trial sounds interesting…. Talking to staff about last year they said that routine screening was paused as not wanting to bring healthy people into a risk environment. Now are seeing more referrals as lumps being found.
This has certainly strengthened the Teflon coating. So sad that this is what it takes……
Take heed, fellow cafe regulars!! Don’t wait for your crisis.

Thank you not and knot I appreciate it.🌺🌺

Sandwich I am sorry to hear your news. How many times have I said that it takes a crisis for something to change, usually here it's a parental crisis and not our own. It is time to focus on yourself because if you don't do it, who else can?

Sorry to hear your news Sandwich I hope that you are able to step back from DM and let others step up - now and forever.

Well said dint. Your experiences are so valuable to others.
Update from me, as anticipated I have been diagnosed with breast cancer, which is treatable and will involve surgery next week and then poss chemo/ radio therapy. Nhs has been wonderful and I feel positive with great support. Of course there are shit times ahead but I feel positive.
And it is having its silver linings- dm is moaning to me less, I feel less guilty about swanning around and letting the carers care, at least one sib has stepped up, and I am starting to put my needs first. It seems to be what it took, if that makes sense. I won’t fill this thread with the big c but appreciate the support from you folk.

@IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere

You don't stop worrying about them just because they're not your direct responsibility.

It's great that you're allowed in to visit though...we weren't even allowed to do that when dad went in.
Luckily he was on the ground floor at the front of the building so I'd go for a walk in the fields beyond the home every few days and stop and knock on his window and wave. On one occasion the manager was in there and opened the window so we could have a quick chat .

We went to see Mum on Saturday. She was so, so down. Unfortunately because she has come from a hospital, not a private house, she has to stay in isolation and it is breaking her heart. We were with her an hour and she had cheered up no end by the time we left.

My cousin decided that she would visit every day until mum is out of isolation (this cousin is the best support you could imagine) so we went back yesterday morning and she was brightened up so quickly. While she was using the commode we were chatting to the carers who said she was very disturbed after our visit the day before, constantly pressing her buzzer "needs the toilet/feeling lonely/can you turn the tv on" - all the calls I used to get from her!

The nurse in charge said that they are going to talk to the matron and see if there is any lee way to get her out of isolation early as she really is struggling to cope.

We are going to see her again this evening and will be taking some audio books and a cd player.

With everything that is going on for the rest of you I feel quite a fraud still being here. You are all so lovely.

Went up to see mum and dad yesterday afternoon. Mum apologised for the stale biscuits as she hasn't been to the supermarket for about 4 weeks. Except I took her 2 weeks ago and DB took her earlier this week. At least the gas boiler was still switched on so that was a bonus.

I still haven't come clean about my sick leave ...

The rejection of every sensible idea or suggestion really gets me down. I find it so tiring. Really feel for you on that front.

I've got a couple of weeks pootling up and down to take mum to things, as her usual help is laid up too.

@notaflyingmonkey has your mum recovered from her fit of pique yet?

I'm just struggling on and off at the moment. Very grateful to not have to return to work.

It took me three hours to get myself together to go to Tesco yesterday as I've become a bit of hermit since the panic attack. I'm fine once I'm out but have to really force myself through the door to start with.

Otherwise I've done some crafting this weekend. I bought myself lots of goodies by way of art therapy when I was signed off so have been playing about with acrylic resin and polymer clay.

Mum's had a bit of a breakdown this weekend as she's not seen anyone since (gasp!) Thursday night, and the carer hasn't replied to her message of yesterday morning 🙄.

I want to help her but she really doesn't help herself and I don't know where to start...every idea I suggest is rejected.

I doubt that, I think we must be busy Doing Stuff. I have been over to the house this morning and filled the garden waste bin by pruning a tree. I haven't finished yet but the bin is full so the rest can stay up the tree until the bin has been emptied again.

I seem to have reached a halt in mum's admin, I started off with a long list of things that needed doing and I'm just about at the end of it. It's been many years since I only had my own stuff to deal with, I refuse to be drawn into the in-law's drama because MIL has actual family that could deal with it. They don't want to do it? No, me neither.

Sorry, I seem to have killed the thread with my moaning.

DM's birthday is today. DD had been trying to call her to tell her she would take her out somewhere for lunch, or coffee or a garden centre. No answer so she went over armed with cards and presents and it turns out she had unplugged her phone, and complained that everyone had forgotten her and her birthday, and therefore she wasn't going out (I've been away a week). DD is remarkably immune to these things though, so just said ok to her.

That's really nice to hear Toofar.

I'll join the positives today - the occupational therapist who's seeing my mum in hospital rang today and she was just lovely and so helpful. Still too early to make definite plans but we have an outline plan A for discharge which we both think will work.

@Toofaroutallmylife that's really nice. BiL has a DoL that DH has to sort out and he said that all the assessors he has encountered have been lovely and understanding.

Hugs to all in need. Sorry to have vanished this week. I did some extra teaching on my day off and am ready for gin. My mum died 24 years ago today; she was only 54, so I am going to cook pizzas and eat with DH and my dad. DF has spent part of the day strimming, something he really enjoys so at least our garden is looking barer neater.

Just wanted to share a positive thing for once. I spoke with DM’s Deprivation of Liberty assessor and she was so lovely and kind. I explained that although mum says she wants to go home it really isn’t an option and we’re selling the house. She said :”it’s ok - you’re doing the right thing”

Just to have someone say that to me makes such a difference