Cockroach Cafe - newly refurbished for the summer

I can't seem to extricate myself from all of the 'stuff'. My health has not been good for a while now, but even on holiday I am expected to deal with it all. I think we are moving towards a care home being inevitable.

The comment about the tropical heat made me laugh - that's my Dad. He rants like a madman about his gas bill but the thermostat in his hallway is set to 26c. It makes me feel really ill whenever I go there, and I have to wear a thin t shirt. He's sat with a fleece on, muttering it's a cold day...........

My mum went to a nursing home 36 hours ago for an assessment/rehab placement and has fallen and hurt her hip, maybe broken it. Back into hospital. And despite all efforts they're still calling my semifunctioning landline instead of the mobile. Argh.

...leaping immediately to a catastrophe in any situation is not usual.

Please let my mum know.

Call about a couple of hours ago. Her foot was gushing blood and wouldn't stop so she was going to call 111.

Fine, I say, I'll just tidy up the job I'm in the middle of and get dressed so I'm standby if they send paramedics or I need to take you to OOH...call me and let me know what's happening. She was prescribed ABs yesterday as she has a weird skin thing going on on her legs so with her being diabetic I'm thinking cellulitis....sepsis etc.

Half an hour later, tidied up and dressed, no call so set off round there.

She couldn't get through to anyone on 111 and the bleeding had stopped but naturally didn't think to call and let me know....oh, and what had actually happened and that she'd also failed to mention is that she'd stubbed her toe last night and knocked the blood blister that had formed off.

I'm absolutely certain it all had nothing to do with her having not seen anyone in person for a whole whole 36 hours and wanting to whine about L not having been in touch...again .

Neither mum nor MIL have easy access to a phone now, they can call but they'd need to ask at the office. After having been on daily phone duty from 7am - 10pm with the same question six times in an hour the silence now is bliss. Enough time has passed that I don't get jumpy when the phone rings and I don't feel dread when the answering machine is flashing with a message.

Tonton I hope that the doctor comes up trumps with the medication. I wish mum had taken the anti-anxiety stuff years ago because it would have improved the quality of her life (and mine) massively. I've suggested it several times in the past but she refused to consider that she had any problems with anxiety (clue - leaping immediately to a catastrophe in any situation is not usual).

Tonton that's so grim. I am really glad that a professional saw something of the problem.

Maybe I shouldn't say this but I feel quite glad that my mum will probably never phone me again.

We woke up this morning to 9 messages on the landline complaining that she couldn't leave a message because there was no beep .
She also made several snide comments about the fact that we weren't up - it was 6.50!

That's why you have to turn off the phone and don't even feel remotely guilty about it, although I admit it's much easier to tell others to do this than it is to do it yourself.

My mother keeps 'accidentally' calling L.

She'll be mooning over old messages on FB Messenger then hit the call button...how accidental it is I've no idea although she seems to have manged not to so it since he told her he'd have to block her if it kep happening.

She also 'accidentally' called me at nearly midnight last night .

Naturally she can never understand how or why she has done anything even though she is 'completely with it' and 'pretty good with technology for my age'..

But we can't shoulder the responsibility for them and their actions 24/7, can't we? DM told me recently that one of her neighbours called round to say that DM phoned them in the early hours. DM denies it. I chalked it up to being outside of my remit, and therefore not one for my to do list.

@BrilloPaddy

Don't feel guilty. My mum always calls my landline...I've got a retro style (but newish) phone with manual proper dial. The other day it kept chirruping randomly.

I have a new digital phone now, but I unplugged the landline for 4 days before I got round to replacing it. She can call my mobile in an emergency.

Got to mum and dad's and the blast of heat as I walked through the door was like getting off the plane into a tropical heatwave. But they were still faffing around and fretting that the radiators weren't very warm. It took quite a while to convince them thst was because it was already so damned hot in there. I had dtripped fown to a tshirt and was still breaking out in a sweat. Not sure they actually believed me ot just wanted to shut me up.

I'm a newbie.... just found this thread and am really not sure whether to whoop and shout knowing it's not just me living this nightmare..... or cry thinking this is going to get even more shit.

My Dad is an insulin diabetic, is 82, losing his sight, has rheumatoid arthritis so is in chronic pain, and drinks too much in a nutshell. Tonight I've had 3 phone calls so far, all ranting about BT as his TV box isn't working properly. He's been trying to ring them for 2 hours but keeps getting transferred to the Police apparently. Nothing to do with the bottle of wine he's probably had, his phone being too small to see the display on and his fingers not working properly.

I've just unplugged the phone and put my mobile on silent.

And feeling really guilty about it

@thesandwich I'm so sorry to read of your diagnosis. Please do take care of yourself and all good wishes for your treatment.

To everyone else, I am in awe of your ability to laugh at the randomness of it all. My school has organised flu jabs for the over 50s/clinically vulnerable at the local pharmacy to school. It was my day off so I went, taking my dad. The very nice young pharmacist managed to slot both of us in then we went for a ride on a restored tram, something I did with my dad years ago. We had a wander along the promenade at the beach, had some lunch at a cafe then went back to the tram & eventually came home. Dad is delighted as he loved the day. But he is getting distinctly more muddled and keeps wanting to go back home (230 miles away). I have told him I can take him over half term for a short visit but although it's draining, he is almost certainly better off with me. My fruitloop sister has not replied to any message since I told her that the earth is shaped like a satsuma & not a plate. No point arguing with stupid - dad at least talks sense some of the time...

Thanks tonton I appreciate it.
Feel a bit of a fraud at the mo as I feel healthy but know surgery is next week and am squeezing in as many outside coffees with friends before isolating. Sorry I’ve not had chance to respond to everyone. You are all going through so much.
It’s taken this to make me refocus. Please protect yourselves, my cockroach friends. We matter.

Heart attack at 53, jeez.

Mine had managed to set her central heating controller to give all the days in Italian. No idea how she managed it.

Sorry, but just laughed out loud at this. MIL does such bizarre things to her all gadgets it wouldn't surprise me if one day she managed to hack into the CIA by mistake.

We have had a quiet week or so (although you are always on edge waiting for shit to kick off) but we were summoned early on to reveal where we had hidden her diary. DH went over to be shouted at to find a very nice woman from adult social care who was there to do an assessment.

She rang us later to swap notes and was very understanding. She said she was shocked at how angry and abusive MiL was towards DH and how calmly he handled it. She doesn't think social care can help much at the moment (which we agree with) but is going to speak to the GP and the dementia are team to report on MILs extreme paranoia and anger, and suggest medication to 'take the edge' off it.

It's been a tiring day (we have had lots of calls since then) but it has helped that someone from an outside agency has witnessed what we have to go through.

I was talking to a friend who was in hospital recently and she said there was an old woman with Alzheimer's on the ward. The woman's daughter was her carer and had had a heart attack, and there was no where else for this woman to go.

The daughter was 53! She was looking after her DM as well as her own family. As I stood in the kitchen this morning pouring my first cup of tea and listening to MIL ranting and raving on the phone calling us thieves (we have stolen 3 jacket potatoes ) and liars, I could sympathise.

Look after yourself @thesandwich and take no unnecessary crap. I hope your treatment is not too gruelling.

Mine had managed to set her central heating controller to give all the days in Italian. No idea how she managed it.

I had to sellotape the flap shut on mum's central heating controls as the ON/OFF (so labelled) button was harder to use than turning the water and heating off for all time. I suspect it being a white button on a white background in the darkest part of the house was originally the issue, the slider for switching the system off was grey so easier to see.

Countrygirl I am really sorry, I hope your family is up and about quickly. I know I had no back up plan for being sick. There simply wasn't anyone else.

Snowsquonk the answer is no, you can't take time off. Full stop. He's got two weeks to sort something out, I'm sure he will manage. If all else fails then he can take some time off to do it himself.

Bloody hell...if ever there was a scenario that made me glad that I'm only round the corner!

@snowsquonk time to develop Teflon shoulders and perfect a gallic shrug.

Looking like we are going to have a rough few days here. DB lives near mum and carries most of the day to day burden. Last week he was round just about everyday fixing the central heating programme that mum "hadn't fiddled with" amongst other things. This week mum had an assessment at home re her alzheimers. I went along and DB joined in by video as he was feeling rough. You've probably already guessed, he tested positive the next day and so has SIL. DB looks after their drugs and doles them out weekly as dossette boxes were being emptied into an ornamental watering can (apparently by the fairies) and new lot due for tomorrow. DN was going to disinfect and take round - guess what! Yep, positive test today. So now I have to drive up after work and sort it out. Should be home around 10.

Also how much help does he need?

Surely if he does it your way its one phone call to the cleaner and one to the removal guy?

@Snowsquonk well the simple answer is 'no' isn't it? How bloody frustrating.

Have a virtual and a prematurely festive mince pie (I've been on the Christmas threads 🙂)!