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Elderly parents
Original poster

Took Dad to a care home yesterday. Today he has asked me to take him home.

56 replies

spababe · 30/06/2021 18:20

Only child and have been doing some of the caring for my DD. Carers were going in morning and evening and I was doing lunches, shopping, finances etc.
He said he would try a care home as we thought he would better to have someone on hand all the time. I'm not far away but I hate the responsibility. Plus if I want a 'day off' or any kind of short break holiday, he is not keen on carers doing lunch as they don't do it the way he is used to and basically he wants me.
He's been in the care home 24 hours. He's having to isolate in his room to begin with because of covid (he tests negative but those are the rules atm). He's messaged me to say that he has no hot water so hasn't shaved and he's refused to eat supper and he wants me to go and get him and take him home.
Tricky because I have obvs cancelled all his normal carers and also I have to move a uni son into a new flat tomorrow.
Dad is very upset and I'm in tears. I have no idea what to do.

OP posts:
cptartapp · 30/06/2021 19:03

You think long term and you leave him there to settle.
Surely he isn't willing to let you be his runaround , especially if you have a job, a household and family of your own? He'd really let you do that? Indefinitely?!
We 'scrimp and save all our lives' to buy in care as needed as we age.. Nows the time for the rainy day money to be used for his own well being and safety. Our DC have their own lives to live.
His wants don't trump yours.

Original poster
spababe · 30/06/2021 18:57

Thank you for the replies - @crimsonlake they should have washed him this morning and helped him to dress but by the time they got to him he had just dressed himself somehow without the wash.

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 30/06/2021 18:55

I work in care homes but not as a carer, rest assured this is completely normal. It may take him a few weeks to settle in to his new routine but eventually there will be acceptance.
As for the hot water I would ring and check, does he look after his own personal care?

MissMissTorrance · 30/06/2021 18:49

It's really hard but you must not go for him.
It doesn't sound like it will be in his best interests for you to take him back home.
It will all be very new and strange for him and it's not surprising he is looking for faults to get you to go and get him or saying he's not going to eat so that you'll come and he can persuade you to get him the hell out!.
Really tough for you but give it time.

Bagelsandbrie · 30/06/2021 18:40

If you’re confident this is the best thing long term for you both you’ll both just have to give it time. Can you ring the home and speak to whoever is in charge so they can go and see him / get him something else to eat if he’ll try something else? It’s very early days.

Feilin · 30/06/2021 18:28

Hes in the first awkward weeks of settling in. 24 hrs isnt any time to get the feel for a place while isolating . Ring the home talk to the staff about the water situation and try and convince him to give it another couple of days .