Sundowning can I ask gp to prescribe something?

@CMOTDibbler, the home do get her involved in "jobs" but then she thinks she works there and complains that they have not paid her! But, yes, it is a good idea.

Those cats are amazing, I thought she would laugh at it when I gave it to her but she immediately cuddled it and it has proved to be a great success. I have even booked a monthly supply of batteries to be sent to the home to ensure he never runs out!

@NorthernChinchilla Thank you for the flowers and thoughts, I am sorry to hear about the toll on your mental health, I'm hovering on the brink of a depression I suspect, but so far am keeping it at bay by not visiting and restricting answering calls to two a week. And the robot cat I got mum seems to have helped her settle a bit.

Thanks everyone kind enough to check in on my thread, just knowing there's folk out there who understand does bring some comfort.

I get a bit cross when cancer is talked about as the most dreaded illness. Many cancers can be treated, dementia cannot, it is just years of decline and terrifying loss of self for the sufferer. My mum knows something is not right but also thinks she is healthy and able to do anything she wants. She said she wants to go skiing and ride horses, she can barely walk and broke both her wrists last year, but she is unaware of how little she can manage now.

It is her birthday next week, I have bought her two large peice jigsaws with just 100 pieces, it is all I can think of to keep her occupied which seems to be the biggest problem for her, she was always so busy, now she sits most of the day, alone often, because she forgets her friend is just two doors down the corridor. The staff do what they can, but it is a battle that cannot be won.

When she dies there will be no "she lost the battle she so bravely fought against dementia" type epithets. It will be "at last she has peace".

Another update, the mental health team have now added lorezepam to mum's medication and the home are happy to administer this "when absoultely necessary" and have had to do this twice in the last fortnight.

She still packs her bags every day to go home and the poor staff have to put it all away again. I bought her a Joy for All robotic cat and gave it to her on Sunday, she was thrilled with it and she cuddled it all the time I was there.

I have got some counselling and my counsellor has told me I should reduce the number of times I visit as it is causing me to slip into depression. I feel guilty but am able to rationalise it and keep it at bay. I just wish she could have her wish which is to slip away peacefully in her sleep, it would be a blessed releif for her and my aunt and me.

Finally, mum has been prescribed memantine. If it doesn't work I may be forced to find a more specialist dementia care home. I hope it works.

She can wander freely at the moment and threatens to leave and get a hotel if I wont have her here but she would be lost as soon as she walked out of the complex if she were to go out alone.

NB she entered the home of her own will when she had capacity, now as she is losing it she wants to go home because she is "exhausted from all the travelling they make me do" she told me last night that she is on a boat in Northern France on holiday.

The home are going to remove her phone today it is "broken" and I will call her every other day and my aunt on the other days on the landline for the home. The phone seems to be a big factor in her axiety. We are also filing for a DOLs order so that they can stop her from "walking with purpose" (used to be called wandering).

Dr said a dementia specialist will see her next week (I thought they'd seen her last week) dr won't prescribe until advised by dementia person. That's fair enough.

The home suggest we remove the mobile phone and my aunt and I take it in turns to call mum each day (alternative days each) as the phone seems to contribute to the problem. Aunt says yes, I agree too, so I'll get the home to "send the phone for repair". Mum can still call but on a landline in the corridor rather than from her own mobile.

The home agree that mum's behaviour has changed recently. They also said mum would need to be a "lot worse" to consider asking me to move her. That was a relief.

In fairness to the home, I don't think they know how often she is calling me or what she is saying. She presents to them as "well behaved" I think. She lies to me about where she is (eg she will say she's outside in the street when she is actually in her room). So they say "she's fine. She is her room etc, when she has called saying she is outside and they've told her she has to leave/can't leave etc. I tend to call when the night team are on duty because that's when mum calls, but they are less knowledgable about how she is because most of the time she is asleep.

It's residential, not a nursing home. The staff are generally not nursing staff. It is attached to a nursing home which will be the next destination as mum's dementia gets worse.

Sorry, not just before lockdown, a year before- I'm losing track of time now!

Mum has a mobile yes and staff are asked to remove from her after supper but she won't hand it over. I'm going to try the doc tomorrow, I have her voicemails that say she's a prisoner and I'll ask the care home for a meeting.

She was moved here just before lockdown so she hasn't got a psychiatrist here. I asked the doc fir help last week and he said he'd ask the dementia team to visit but I've heard nothing yet and in the day she is sweetness and light and could pass for being ok on a good day. But she's no short term memory and cannot look after herself. The doc not knowing her doesn't help I think.