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Elderly parents
Original poster

Dad has stopped eating.

135 replies

Cocolapew · 15/06/2021 15:13

My Dad hasn't really ate anything since the beginning of May. He says he just has no appetite.
He has had bloods done at the GP and then got called for a lot more. A gastric consultant is going to phone him next week for a telephone appointment after he has reviewed the blood results.
I feel that him and my mum aren't being pro active enough. I went around today and he was in bed. I said to my mum that I thought he should be in hospital and she said that she was going to get my dad to phone the GP tomorrow.
She admitted he fell at the weekend but was on cyclizine and was hallucinating on it so has stopped it. If I had knew when he fell I would have phoned an ambulance.
Mum did say she told him he was going to starve to death if he didn't start to eat.
Its such a drastic change in him. He has always been super fit especially for his age.
He hurt his ankle playing golf and then took siactica and has gone downhill so very, very fast
I don't really know what I want from writing this. I'm just so worried and at a loss Sad
I don't know if my mum wants me to take control over the whole thing or not. She's usually pretty on the ball but neither of them even know what the bloods are for or why he's getting a phone appointment.

OP posts:
paradyning · 04/07/2021 15:40

Have you a Macmillan nurse in place yet? Call 111 if not

Original poster
Cocolapew · 04/07/2021 08:40

Thank you joystir.
Dad is getting more and more frail by the day, I saw him on Friday and he was talking to DD who said he was talking to someone that wasn't there but then was ok again.
Went round yesterday and mum said he had deteriorated again, he was very confused and hallucinating. Everytine i went yesterday he was fast asleep so I couldn't see him, I wanted to phone an ambulance once I had saw him.
Mum seems very loath to ring one for some reson.
I told her he could have an infection and to watch for signs of sepsis.
I'm going around shortly to see if i can catch him awake.
My stress levels are through the bloody roof.
I know he hated being in hospital but he can't be at home if he's so poorly without some outside input, the hospital appointment on Wednesday was the only time I've spoken to a Dr since he was discharged.

OP posts:
joystir59 · 01/07/2021 17:33

I hope he gets a prognosis soon, and if he is not going to be actively treated you will be able to access local palliative care services via the local hospice, including potential for hospice at home care if he /family wish for this. Wishing you all energy, love, support, answers, and that he gets the pain relief and care he deserves

Original poster
Cocolapew · 30/06/2021 23:12

Dad had his bronchoscopy today but the Dr says it wasn't very successful, it was just a wash not pinching any tissue off so she expects us to be called back for that. She said she thinks the tumour is behind his windpipe because she couldn't see it but his airway is narrowed. We've heard nothing from any Dr since he was discharged but the Dr today said that it's his Dr's she will be meeting with and we will be hearing sometime next week from them.
Dad still isnt eating and is getting very weak he still only has pain in his leg. He's also getting confused with information but his longterm memory is ok.
So we still have a wait to see if there are any treatment options going to be offered.
My brother is coming back over next week for a few days so that takes the pressure off me a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cocolapew · 28/06/2021 17:15

Thank you everyone.
Dad is much the same. He's able to get up and go to the toilet and shower. He hasn't deteriorated in any way since leaving the hospital. He's eating a very small amount.
He is still obsessed with the pain in his ankle/leg.
He is getting a bronchoscopy on Wednesday, I was very surprised. I presumed because he has cancer in so many parts of his body there would be nothing done.
He's a bit confused now and again but is aware that he's confused most of the time.
He definitely isn't at end of life care but I'm aware this could happen very suddenly.
Once Wednesday is over I'm going to phone his GP to see if they will give him something stronger for his leg pain. I thought they might have been in touch after receiving the hospital discharge letter 🤷🏻

OP posts:
IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 27/06/2021 00:05

I'm so sorry to read about your dad. It could have been me writing about mine eight years ago. You and your family are in my thoughts.

threeteenstaximum · 26/06/2021 18:20

Just to mention, please talk to dads GP or the hospital doctors if he is still in, about whether he is fast track chc? "Rapidly deteriorating end of life diagnosis" & keep asking . When someone can't eat much and has metastasised cancer , he should be triggering consideration of this.

threeteenstaximum · 26/06/2021 18:17

OP, has social worker assessed dad? I'm so sorry to hear he is so poorly. Even if he doesn't want to accept carers coming in, social worker can refer to various telecare options that include falls detector and useful equipment and liaison with primary care. A social work needs assessment, great of some pre discharge (but COVID arrangements are different currently) is great but you can also refer to community team once he is home. The local authority will do a bit of signposting if that is all dad needs and refer him if he needs more.

finallymightbehappening · 26/06/2021 14:57

How is he op?

suggestionsplease1 · 22/06/2021 22:53

There can be some very good at-home support, probably dependent on where you are. A relative got a hospital bed put in a downstairs room, carers on call, and well managed pain medication that was adjusted regularly. This might not be where you are at yet anyway but hopefully the OT or MacMillan can give more advice. Your dad may be tempted to underplay things but that can put a lot of pressure on family and sometimes things can progress quickly so try to think realistically about what might be helpful for everyone, in order to increase comfort at home.

paradyning · 22/06/2021 21:22

*GPs are not expert in this field

paradyning · 22/06/2021 21:21

Speak to the GP about Macmillan referral and hospice referral. The hospice will be expert in managing the pain he is in. In my terrible experience, GPs are. It expert in this field.
All the best op Thanks

Original poster
Cocolapew · 22/06/2021 16:47

He's coming home today, he has an appointment for a bronchoscopy on the 30th. He still isn't eating yet but has been taking a few forsips. I hadn't gone to the hospital but then had to go to help bring some of his mobility aids home. They were waiting for pharmacy to send something up but my mum didn't know what.
OT phoned me this morning asking about where and how mum and dad lived and what aids they could provide. He doesn't want carers coming in yet, he is still able to get up and go to the toilet. I just worry about him falling, but I do live only a few minutes drive away.
He's in a lot of pain so I'm hoping he's coming home with good pain relief, if not I'll phone the GP tomorrow.

OP posts:
BunnyRuddington · 22/06/2021 16:20

Luckily my sick line is for another 2 weeks and then I'm off work most of the summer.

Good, that should hopefully give you some time with your DPs and some time for you to try and look after yourself tooThanks

Stillfunny · 22/06/2021 09:54

My mother had similar . By the time she went to hospital with very few symptoms, it was already far spread.
It was a shock and we were calmly told that she had less than a month to live . She died 2 weeks later. It was
a bit of a blur to us . But later, my father said that it was an outcome that most people wish for. No lingering pain and suffering , time to see people , make any last wishes known and we all got to say goodbye to her .

I am sorry this is happening to your family. I hope he will go to the hospice as they are so much better at controlling pain , tending to his needs than any home situation.

Prayers to you Flowers

Original poster
Cocolapew · 22/06/2021 09:33

Thank you both.
Me and DD were just talking about her boyfriends grandma before we got the news yesterday. She was given a couple of months to live and that was a year ago, she had chemo. She had a stroke, lung and stomach cancer and is renewing her vows next week Smile.
I feel very flat today, it's like I was running on adrenaline the last week and now have nothing left. Luckily my sick line is for another 2 weeks and then I'm off work most of the summer.

OP posts:
Sakura7 · 22/06/2021 09:19

Hope you're doing as well as you can be today.

Bear in mind that every patient is different, so even though things moved quickly for some here it might not be the same for your dad. At one point we were told mum had 2 months at most, but she lived for another year. She had just enough treatment to slow down the progress of the cancer without causing her harm. She had a short course of radiotherapy and flew through it with very few side effects. She was 75 at the time.

I don't know what the treatment plan is for your dad, but we were told that every individual reacts differently so it's very hard to predict how/when things will start to go downhill.

Waiting for news is hard I know, but hang in there. Flowers

Nsky · 21/06/2021 22:56

Sending love

Original poster
Cocolapew · 21/06/2021 22:29

Thank you for all your kind words and I'm sorry for all your losses Flowers.
I made a mistake it's his kidney not liver.
I'm presuming from people's own stories the outcome is going to be bleak. The Dr did mention treatment but I personally think he's going to be found to be too far gone.
We're in NI think we might have 2 hospices near us. I had an uncle die in hospital due to brain cancer and it was a bit horrific, so if the time comes I'm sure my mum would be open to him going. It was her brother that died and she hoped he would have got to go to the hospice but my aunt refused
I can't fault the nurses and Dr looking after my Dad.
They both have their funerals sorted already so we know what he wants.
Thank you all again.

OP posts:
Chiffandbip · 21/06/2021 22:00

So sorry to read this. Sad the same has happened to my granny. She stopped eating in April and just can’t bring herself to eat now. It’s bowel cancer and it’s such a shock to hear. Thinking of you. Flowers

finallymightbehappening · 21/06/2021 21:52

Oh god, I'm so sorry. What desperate news.

Hax · 21/06/2021 21:47

Second those advocating hospice. My father died 3 weeks after diagnosis and the hospice made it all more bearable.

pallisers · 21/06/2021 21:24

I'm so sorry Cocolapew. This exact scenario happened with my step dad this month. perfectly healthy, suddenly stopped eating and then the diagnosis followed.

The only thing we regret is not having him in hospice sooner. He only had a day in hospice before he died. It was the nicest day we had in 6 weeks.

BunnyRuddington · 21/06/2021 19:55

I'm sorry sorry to hear that too. Do you feel able to talk to him about what he wants? My DF was really clear that he wanted to go into the local Hospice. They provided Hospice at Home until there wax a bed for him.

suggestionsplease1 · 21/06/2021 19:45

If it is quite late stage don't focus too much on the eating as it can be quite uncomfortable. Just have all his favourite treats available when he wants them and he might find it easier to have some liquids.

You're doing a great job and he will appreciate you being there for him.

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