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Elderly parents
Original poster

What steps do we 50 somethings need to take to avoid the situation many of us find ourselves with our elderly relatives?

190 replies

Mxflamingnoravera · 13/06/2021 18:55

Many of on here vow that we will never put our children through what we are going through with our oldies. I'm one of them, but, unsure what I need to do (apart from set up LPA and a will). What are your suggestions for steps we can take?

It might be good to set up a checklist for different stages of our adult lives, depending on how old our children are. My son is 27 and has agreed to do LPA.

OP posts:
bonbonours · 13/06/2021 19:13

We have our house as tenants in common rather than joint tenants and wills have a clause saying the other gets to keep the house until death. which is supposed to mean they can only take into account half the value of the house for care costs purposes.

Original poster
Mxflamingnoravera · 13/06/2021 19:11

I've just bought the book Art of Death Cleaning on audible on your recommendation. Forestdweller

OP posts:
Baboutheocelot · 13/06/2021 19:11

Get rid of stuff so that your kids don’t have to spend forever doing it later. Moving to a smaller house and cramming heaps of stuff in the loft and garage doesn’t count.

Accept that you need help such as carers and cleaners. Live in a bungalow/flat or convert a room downstairs to a bedroom with en-suite.

I don’t know if this is possible but could you ask utility companies if your children can speak to them on your behalf?

Footle · 13/06/2021 19:11

@ChocOrange1 , read up on deprivation of assets.

MoltenLasagne · 13/06/2021 19:10

Downsizing / moving to appropriate accommodation early is key. So many cases of elderly people not being able to return home from hospital are not because they're incapable of independent living, but because they cannot safely live in a house with narrow stairs to reach the bedrooms / bathrooms.

Another is being proactive in getting in help such as cleaning and being open to support from paid carers rather than expecting family to step up (in non existent free time).

Original poster
Mxflamingnoravera · 13/06/2021 19:09

I don't have a problem with my home being sold to pay for care if necessary. I'd rather our social care system was sorted obv. but if it means I get good care, I don't mind.

But has made me wonder if it's worth a life insurance policy for the value of the house so that my son gets something if it does have to be sold.

OP posts:
Forestdweller11 · 13/06/2021 19:07

Read and follow the art of Swedish death cleaning.

ChocOrange1 · 13/06/2021 19:05

Put your house in your children's names so it won't be sold to pay for your care.

Have a house which is disabled friendly, or can easily be made so. E.g. downstairs bathroom, spare downstairs reception room which could be a bedroom.

Admit when you're starting to get older and don't go doing stupid things like climbing ladders at the age of 88

Original poster
Mxflamingnoravera · 13/06/2021 19:05

This is all great advice. I've done the will, I'll do the LPA. And I will start a plan to start getting rid of shite and downsize.

Keep it coming Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Mxflamingnoravera · 13/06/2021 19:03

@HermioneWeasley I just don't earn enough to save for more than my pension (although this can be used for care needs).

I can downsize at some point, and probably should. I'm going to be 60 next year, still working and fitter than I've ever been in my life.

OP posts:
DappledOliveGroves · 13/06/2021 19:02

Downsize when you're still healthy and able to do so and get rid of all accumulated clutter and stuff. Ensure all key documents are somewhere safe and accessible (or let your children know where they are). Sort out POA early on.

I'm very grateful that my mother did all of this which meant that when she did get dementia and go into a care home it wasn't as difficult as it could have been.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 13/06/2021 19:02

Get rid of stuff. Make sure your paperwork and online accounts can be accessed. Don't soldier on when admitting you need help would make everyone's lives easier. I'm having to do the last one due to disability already.

NecklessMumster · 13/06/2021 19:00

Write down what you want to happen in the event of infirmity so your wishes can be referred to in the future

Cathpot · 13/06/2021 18:59

Watching with interest. My own parents have signed power of attorney for the various areas sorted and in ‘the Will drawer’ for when they are needed. They had a really hard time sorting out their own parents affairs and didn’t want that to be our experience

HermioneWeasley · 13/06/2021 18:58

Have you saved enough to meet your care needs in later life.

Also, move to suitable accommodation when you’re able to, and not when it becomes a crisis

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