What when it's our turn?

Absolutely no intention of carrying on when I lose my independence.

Several bottles of wine and a cold midnight swim is the best plan I have right now. Hopefully we will have assisted dying by then so the plan becomes redundant.

Of course!
Yes, I agree with you. I took a lady with vascular dementia for her covid vaccine today.
(I'm a volunteer driver)
This lady has no idea where she is or what she is doing/saying. She always looks so confused. Every now and again she seems to grasp that there is something wrong with her. Its desperately sad.
She relies on volunteers and a very kind local lady to keep her safe/fed.
Her family all live abroad.
Another couple who live locally both have dementia and multiple health conditions (the ambulance is there 3 x times a week - I'm not exaggerating) and their 51 year old son cares for them.
I would hate to do that to my sons. I have made clear they are not to sacrifice their life to look after me if I lose capacity but I also want to ensure I don't end up in a home either.
There are worse things than a quick death.

I look at Derek Draper and think, there's no way I would want to be kept alive like that. Great if he does, that's his business, but I want to be sure that I get switched off in that kind of scenario.

Re care homes, my nan was in a nice one but to me, that's not the issue. The issue is my independence.

Well I'm 48 so ill find out :)

Suicide, legally or otherwise. A care home is no place to rot away.

Bram, they were late 70s when they did it. It was just before covid, maybe the doctor would feel differently now.

I can't really imagine how the doc would react to an AD from someone who isn't yet 60. I can't see it going down well and I don't want to cause unnecessary hassle for myself.

@carmelbeach

Ah I see. That's a bit odd (unless your parents are still quite young, fit and healthy I suppose?)

Bram the GP signing them was upset, that's what they told me anyway.

My parents GP was upset about them doing DNRs!

Official DNR orders need to be signed by a doctor or nurse so you can't just put one in place on your own. Having a DNR is only one aspect of advance care planning, it simply means if your heart stops beating you don't want CPR or a Defib. Medical professionals are obliged to follow advance directives as long as the patient had adequate mental capacity when the directive was made and they haven't been coersed into it.

Anyone can write an advance directive but it is probably a good idea to look at suggested templates online and then amend as you see fit

You need a properly witnesses signature and then provide a copy to your GP so it can be scanned on your medical records. Do make sure your nearest and dearest are aware of its existence and what it says.

If you have someone you trust to make appropriate decisions on your behalf then make them your POA for health and welfare.

Make your wishes as clear as possible so they can't be misinterpreted.

Seeing my mum with advanced dementia with no quality of life makes me question why people can't die with dignity.

Do doctors honour ADs?

My parents GP was upset about them doing DNRs!

@memberofthewedding lovely way to describe dementia patients (of which my poor mum is one) did you mean to be so disparaging ??

Thank you

No intention of growing old in a care home for either of us. Suicide via pills, alcohol, carbon monoxide and anything else we can do to make sure the job is done.
Genetics mean either we shall pass in our 60s or dementia will get us. Hoping for the former. No family etc.
Poas/dnr and wishes lodged with everyone we can think of. We already taken steps to avoid nhs interaction for things such as blood pressure meds etc.

How does one go about sorting out an advance directive?
I absolutely want no heroic measures if I am deprived of oxygen nor anti biotics if I have dementia.
I am making my soon to 18 year-old my LPOA and he knows and supports my views.

As PPs mentioned it's also antibiotics. Old people used to die of pneumonia, which was called 'old man's friend' presumably as it was a good way to go before more severe decline then death, now they're given antibiotics.
UTIs in the extreme elderly are also awful as they cause such mental confusion, but again they're treated with antibiotics, and the person is kept alive while their autonomy, health, sense of self and dignity is diminishing.

@BackforGood I also support Dignity in Dying and have let Dh and my adult kids know my feelings. Trouble is my dh is a hospital consultant and doesn’t believe in assisted dying. He says it’s against the Hippocratic oath - which is bollocks because causing unnecessary suffering is against the oath in my opinion!
I will write an advanced directive and pray that this Country comes to its senses and legalises assisted dying at some point soon.

Pickle "We are living longer and costing more to support- very few of us cover our own costs in terms of tax"

I've paid more than enough tax and that will be taxed when I'm dead!

A reduction in tax might be the only thing that motivated me to volunteer. Anyway, I did that when I was young, I certainly wouldn't do it again.

The idea that I have to prove my worth as I get older is even more of a reason to think how old I want to get.

I believe as individuals we do better when we have a function.
Certainly society does better when we all have a function.

We are living longer and costing more to support- very few of us cover our own costs in terms of tax. We can contribute our knowledge, wisdom, experience to our community. Otherwise if we down tools at 67 and do nothing for anyone except ourselves, then all that is lost. We have perhaps 15-20 years ahead of us when we could be contributing. If we aren't, then we are the drain on our extended families/community that we none of us on this thread want to be.

I'm not saying we all need to work ourselves to death, but volunteering in a local school, visiting housebound people, mentoring teenagers, being a local councillor- whatever you could enjoy and be good at- really makes a difference.

Pickle "We should all be doing community work of some sort, imo."

Why?

We're having this conversation too. Also, encouraging our sons to think about the quality of their own lives.

We don't want them to spend their 50s worrying about us, and then feel 'past it' in their 60s. We're trying to identify that sweet spot where you aren't squeezed!

That said, I don't approve of dismissing ourselves and others according to age. I do feel we should be contributing though. We have immense value to the community in our older age, but only if we choose to offer it. We should all be doing community work of some sort, imo. When I can't contribute and am not independent, I'll start to wonder what's the use of me,

I worry about this too, we only have one DS and neither of us are in good health. I am so sick of caring for elderly relatives and completely exhausted by it, I never want DS to be burdened by us.
I'm desperately hoping they legalise euthanasia before too long.

sleepy what you describe really scares me

Random I have to got to die of something. I appreciate there's a balance but I'm on that BP level where a different doctor wouldn't even want me to take meds.

The constant reclassification of things doesn't help.