The Cockroach cafe -new look for spring 2021

Yep
What ^ sandwich said

Oh minty so glad it went well and your dm is priceless.
Leave her to it. Look after yourself and dd.

Oh minty :(

The funeral and wake went well. Then we got home - me, mum, her friend and my BF. DD went to work.
We were having a few drinks and a laugh then mum started wanging on about the 'companion carer' she's obsessed with and who is doing nothing to put a stop to it. He was at the funeral and trying to ingratiate himself with everyone.
I complete lost my shit and walked out. BF is staying with me and DD tonight and mums friend is staying with mum as far as I know.

Thinking of you minty
💜
It's odd. Mum seems content and is (touch wood) healthy ATM but mil is causing issues now 🙄

Oh well. Not my problem!

Minty. Hope the day was ok.

minty
I'm a nn changer but have posted on this thread many times in the past.
I just wanted to send you love for today.
It's 8 years since I lost my own beloved dad and it does get better. Not easier. Its never easy. Maybe we get better "at" bereavement?
You were such a constant strength and stay for your dad and you should be proud of that.
Deep breaths.
One foot in front of the other.
💜
In other news Mum and I are getting on better than we have in years 🤷‍♀️
I think it's because she's more content n the flat and I let more stuff go than in the past.
We were in the car the other day and she sighed contentedly and said "life is good"
😃😯
Sending love to all x

Minty it will pass, the rain will stop, there's only so much breakfast one woman can eat.
Like eating the proverbial elephant, one bite at a time. One breath at a time.

There are Developments with DM, but they'll keep for another time...

It's absolutely chucking down, I've come on and mum is eating her breakfast in a way that seems designed to trigger my misophonia to the absolute max.

Have forced down toast and coffee and now feel decidedly queasy.

I just can't get my head around anything.

Will be thinking of you Minty - so glad you got so much from your visit.

nota I hope the referral brings some clarity and comfort. You don't need a diagnosis to do the cashing-up, cheap vodka and sunshine mind, or any number of alternative escapes.

Knot take care.

Hairbrush this is a good point for all to stock take, your DM's needs should be assessed before any discharge and you can decide what you're prepared to do from here on in.

DM is a bit elusive, not sure if its the complicated way I have to communicate with her at the home or if she's avoidant because she feels abandoned. Now I'm feeling some of the stress lifting, I think this should have happened about 2 years ago - can't believe she went through lockdown with just a cleaner.

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow @MintyCedric I got through my dad's funeral with the help of a pocket full of mint humbugs. Going into the chapel I could barely put one foot in front of the other but I came out truly uplifted. I hope that that will be the same for you.

I went to see mum today and she is very unhappy. She has moved to a general ward from the assessment ward and she tells me it is very miserable. The lady across from her keeps crying all the time and there is a lot of shouting and arguing. She said everyone knows everyone else and she is very lonely.

I spoke to the nurse and they think that she might have a water infection which would contribute to the confusion. Mum doesn't know whether or not she can walk but seems to think she walks to the toilet whenever she wants to (she can't). She can't remember how she gets downstairs (she doesn't). She wet the bed last night but it doesn't matter because everyone does! They can not get her to mobilise at all so they are thinking of transferring her to a rehab centre for assessment. I asked them to do that when she was in hospital two years ago but all the cared about was getting her off the ward even though she had had no physio at all.

But right now she is not medically fit for discharge so I have a few days respite at least. I said that I had an appointment on Monday (my first session with the counsellor) and should I reschedule but the nurse said there is no sign of her being sent home. Not sure if I am happy or sad.

I’ve been lurking really but just want to say Minty that I have followed your story for ages and I think you have real grit amid many frustrating things in the lead up to your father’s death and have dealt with them so so well, I’ve admired it so much - and of course admired the others parked on The Bench - and good luck for tomorrow. You will do him proud, you certainly have up until now.

@gonow I wish I'd thought of that...I've just bought 3 rolls of Lovehearts, and a stash of decent chocolate and crisps as we're staying with mum until Saturday and her Walker's French Fries really won't cut it. Also popped home for my bottle of Dad's favourite whisky.

The visit was lovely...I'm really happy with how I decided to do things. I had a lovely chat with him and good cry and played him some Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong. Good test of the waterproof mascara too.

Thanks for all your support everyone...it's really does mean so much. I've checked out the bereavement thread over the last few weeks but I just don't feel like I 'fit' there.

It's a tough one to get though Minty. I remember my dad's funeral and getting through it by eating one sweet after another. Haribo in the handbag.

knot sending 🌺🌺
And minty another member of the shadowy army behind you tomorrow. You can do this. Focus on you and your dd.
Do this your way. You will do him proud.

I deffo up for the shadowy army of support for you Minty. It's been a very long time since my DF's funeral, but for me there was all the stuff that occupies and stops you thinking - and then moments of personal quiet, which I needed to help me come to terms with it all.

What was lovely was having people who knew him from different parts of his life talking at the wake afterwards, and me realising that he was a multi faceted adult, rather than 'just' a dad.

Minty keep talking to us then my honey.
There'll be a whole shadowy army of us with you at your back tomorrow, which is a most unMumsnetty thing to say but bollocks to that.

Thanks Knot

I don't have a clue how I'm going to get through the next 48 hours (off for closed coffin visit in a mo).

I kind of switched off last week after finalising the arrangements and now it's real and happening and I don't want it to.

best wishes for tomorrow Minty, I hope everything goes well.

I'm having a few days away from the internet because I'm stressing over the world's problems again. I need to have a few days away from the news until my raging anxiety settles down.

Welcome to the bench Woman there is infinite room on it for you to join us and vent away.

Can I join the Bad Daughters' bench even if it's not a parent driving me round the bend?
I do realize when people are frail, elderly and dealing with the sort of health conditions where the choices are more, "would you like to risk X which is a sideeffect of the meds for X, or, well, risk Z?" then they might well not be at their best.
But I'm allowed to come here and grumble because they said something pretty hurtful (I may also have comforted myself by thinking, "Strike One ..." even though I don't truly intend to operate a Three Strikes Rule! )

My DH is wonderful though - he said just the right thing (basically a prediction of what they might do next which was pretty observant). Made me laugh and helped wear away some of the feelings of outrage!

Apols for the vague posting but even though I'm a bit hacked off they haven't yet un-earned their right to privacy, and it's more about me wanting to just go AAAARGH rather than the specifics. This time, anyway!!

I would also like to thank all the posters - I've been a lurker and this board is full of good tips - I'm hoping not to have to use them but 🤷🏼 who knows what the future holds eh.

Good luck with everything on Friday Minty if I don't see you on here before.

Well, yes...he's not coming to the wake thank God...just not sure how I'm going to cope with having to engage with him, especially if she starts going gaga about him.

Tbh other than a civil 'thanks for coming' if necessary I will keep out of the way...which will no doubt result in me being told off later for being rude...