Advice on putting together a photo album for Mum in home who no longer knows who I am?

[quote ParkheadParadise]**@Honeyroar
After reading your post a memory came back to me.
My mum was her Mothers double. Towards the end of her life all she wanted was her Mother. She would stand at the door of the home with her coat on waiting for the bus to take her home to her mother.
We had a full-length mirror in her room. She stopped in front of it because she saw her mother in it. She had a massive smile on her face telling me to come and see her mother.[/quote]
Aww, how lovely. It’s really heartbreaking isn’t it. My Mil also thought my husband (her son) was her husband and her grandson was her son. She thought her “husband” was having an affair when he said he was going home. Nowadays she doesn’t recognise any of us, but is happy in her little world.

@OnthePiste
You're right it is a horrible cruel disease. I don't think you realise that until you've lived with it.

[quote ParkheadParadise]**@Honeyroar
After reading your post a memory came back to me.
My mum was her Mothers double. Towards the end of her life all she wanted was her Mother. She would stand at the door of the home with her coat on waiting for the bus to take her home to her mother.
We had a full-length mirror in her room. She stopped in front of it because she saw her mother in it. She had a massive smile on her face telling me to come and see her mother.[/quote]
@Paradisethat has just made me cry. My DM has recently started asking for her Mum and Dad, it just breaks my heart. What a cruel disease it is. {sad}

@Honeyroar
After reading your post a memory came back to me.
My mum was her Mothers double. Towards the end of her life all she wanted was her Mother. She would stand at the door of the home with her coat on waiting for the bus to take her home to her mother.
We had a full-length mirror in her room. She stopped in front of it because she saw her mother in it. She had a massive smile on her face telling me to come and see her mother.

Yes I agree she’ll appreciate older photos more. They remember the more distant past longer. My mil is in a home where they put a photo of each resident on their bedroom doors. Every time we go in she asks why there is a photo of her mother on the door.

A photo book is a great idea.
Yes bright colours are great for dementia. Our uniforms are rainbow coloured for this reason!

Definitely label the photos with name and relationship. If the care staff have to ask "who is that?" and the person with dementia doesn't remember, it can remind them that their memory is failing them and it can make them feel frustrated and upset.

I find older photos are better. Short term memory is usually the first to go, whereas they remember things from decades ago for a lot longer. So for eg photos of you and your mum when you were little.

Houses, cars, and pets are good too. I have a resident who has such severe memory loss and confusion and cannot remember almost anything at all, but show her a photo of her old holiday house, and she can tell you in vivid detail about the house, down to paint colour, architraves, furniture, and plants in the garden. It also brings back lovely memories of her husband because he built the house himself.

Places and landmarks that are special to them are good too. For eg I have a resident who grew up in Holland, and a generic photo of the Rhine brings back stories of how he used to swim in it and teach younger kids how to swim.

I hope that helps.

Also another thing that brings familiarity and memories is music. If you can provide copies of or a list of specific artists and songs, that is very helpful. It's so amazing when even a largely non-verbal resident hears a song from their youth and starts singing along with the full lyrics!

I would use Snapfish or similar then you can order another easily. Light to hold, good reproduction. Whilst of course you want it to help her memory of people and who she is as said above it can backfire. I think include pictures of places she has been on holiday (with labels), favourite gardens, views, sights, walks, pictures etc that is things that don't have to mean something but are just enjoyable in their own right. If she remembers well and good if not she can still enjoy them and people can chat about them. Maybe a few lines of a poem or favourite book, hymn that can be read to her. You can then use family images and ones online. Hope this helps.

Oh, and while my gran's care home and staff were lovely, I think it's good to have a visual reminder that this person wasn't always an old, demented lady sat in a chair all day - that she had a long, happy life with lots of interests.

I used Snapfish (or Photobox, can't remember as I always use whichever one's got the best discount codes at the time) and scanned photos so that originals wouldn't get lost. It also means it's easy to make multiple copies of the book - my gran's got very dog eared and stained because she looked at it a lot so it was good to be able to get a fresh copy.

I didn't use a lot of words - the names were mostly for the carers and family who liked to look at it with her. It was a nice talking point. There were people she remembered (usually the ones from long ago) and people she didn't. Having the names there didn't help her remember the ones that had gone from her memory really.

She LOVED seeing pictures of old pets - those memories seemed to particularly linger. She also liked seeing pictures of places she'd been before - even if she couldn't remember that she'd been or where they were, some sort of affection seemed to remain that gave her pleasure.

It was well worth the time that it took to scan the photos and get them all in the book, and now that she's gone we still have it and it's precious to us as well.

@ParkheadParadise, when my MIL had forgotten who anyone was, but was still reasonably lucid, we were looking at the book one day, and turned to a page with a photo of my FIL when he was in his 20s (FIL died over 20 years ago).
MIL pointed to his photo and said "oooh, who's that? He's very handsome!". Which was rather lovely!

saraclara That could have got very expensive!

@MereDintofPandiculation my MIL's false teeth were the first casualty of her bin obsession. She made it harder for the staff by carefully wrapping things in tissues before binning them, so by the time they realised they were missing it was too late!

We had a photo book for my mum. We put old photos of my mum and her siblings. She also didn't know her 6 own children at this point.
Sometimes it would calm her down when she was agitated, asking her who was in the photos.
I remember looking at her weddings photo she recognised herself but didn't know my dad. She wasn't happy that she had married MY dad because she didn't know him 🙈
Dementia is really the worst. I can remember very clearly my mum asking who I was for the first time I cried all the way home.

Thinking of you, what a hard thing to be dealing with today

Oh yes, definitely make copies for this project. Don't use any photo that there is only one copy of. One of our books was lost (no blame attached to any staff, it's very possible that MIL put it in the bin - she went through a phase of putting everything in the bin)

That' a lovely idea and something I have been thinking of doing for DM.

Like you mum, my DM had Covid and has gone downhill since then. She is currently in respite care, not sure if she will come back home as she is still very confused. She does recognise me, I took some photos in as requested by the CH but she asked me to take them home. She said they belong there..it's so sad isn't it? I do feel for you.

It's worth doing, if only that it will give a focus to your visits in the future. We made a couple of books for my MIL, and although it wasn't long before they started being meaningless to her, just sitting with her, turning the pages and talking about the picture, the person, the holiday we were on when a photo was taken etc, helped pass the time, and enabled a kind of connection. So whether you do it for her or for yourself and other visitors, I think it's worthwhile.

Often photos of people are confusing as they dont recognize them. Care homes often dont have mirrors because residents dont recognise themselves.

Loved places or hobby items and pets were all good for us. We printed a few out A4 with a little information on and put them on Dads wardrobe so he could see the pictures from the bed and carers, particularly those not familiar with him could use them as conversation prompts eg 'what a nice picture of Blackpool. I know you enjoyed your holidays there'

I made one on line from somewhere like Snapfish. You can include labels on them. Dad did scribble all over them but we were able to order another one easily. It gives the carers something to talk to them about too.

My mum's memory wasn't as bad as yours but she had lots of family photos round her room. She did occasionally think I was her sister rather than her daughter.
I used a label maker to write names on all of her photos. It was useful for the staff as well as her.

The other thing we found useful (if she can still read) was what we called her Mantra.
It was a little photo frame on her bedside table and it had 4 or 5 phrases printed out - the things that worried her the most. She would read it to soothe herself
"I have decided to live here at "SunnySide"
"I can afford to live here as I have sold my house"
"All my family know I am here and I can ring them whenever I want"