My dad has sexually harassed his cleaner

Please don't read the riot act until you have had a diagnosis. This sounds very like one of the recognised symptoms of vascular dementia, brought on by small strokes ( rather than Alzheimer's ) and you say that he has already suffered a stroke. It can indeed come on relatively quickly, certainly since September . It's a horrible situation and I do sympathise, but if it is this shouting at him will do no good at all

Disinhibition is not uncommon after stroke, along with emotional lability. His carers may not have thought it worth mentioning as they will be experienced at dealing with it in previous patients. I think it would be worth having him checked by the GP. Even if not obvious immediately after the stroke, it may still be connected. It is unlikely that a man with no previous evidence of sexual offending has suddenly decided, when elderly, to attack his cleaner. Unless he has been a pest all his life and OP was just unaware of his offending.

My neighbour had a stroke and there was a time when he made some very inappropriate comments. As time went on and he recovered he stopped doing that, luckily

@TubbyMcFatfuck please don't beat yourself up. It is an unfortunate incident that happened.

I would speak to help the aged & the other organisation another poster mentioned to see what is the best way of dealing with the situation. You have alerted the carers.

Look after yourself OP 💐

Until you find out for sure whether or not he has done this with other woman coming in to help him then you're not going to know if this is a side effect of his stroke (and therefore he doesnt have control of himself so will do this to any women when there is opportunity). If he has never behaved like this with anyone else, then it a choice he has made. At least once you have the information from his carers, it will make it easier for you to take medical action if that seems to be the culprit.

Sot him down and have a talk to him. Explain that you’ve been told that he’s doing x and x. Ask how he thinks it makes her feel and what he can do to make things better? Ask him to stop.

You might think this is solvable by getting a male cleaner. However all women are at risk and not just her.

Also he needs to be reassessed. Get a telephone consultation with GP and ask to be referred.

This is somewhat common in stroke patients.
I agree he would be better with a male cleaner and male carers although these might be very hard to find. Does he have a social worker who helps with all this?

I would speak to the carers or maybe the dr or help the aged about the best way to handle his behaviour. They will have seen all this before.

If he was behaving like.this with the carers or nurses or physio then concerns would have been raised. He's doing it to the cleaner because out of all of those professions, that's the one an elderly man will see as the easy target. The OP said he was assessed for dementia less than a year ago and there were no signs. She said that he has his faculties, and most people wouldn't actually realise he had any issues after the stroke. She said he will know what he has done is totally wrong, but that he will also minimise is because that's what he has always done.

Men behave like this. We're sick of it. Elderly, lonely men absolutely behave like this, even if they've never behaved like that before.

This is obviously awful because it's your dad. It's a situation no one would every want to be in and I'm very sorry you're having to deal with this, but that cleaner has has to deal with worse. Please do take fast and firm action.

Yeah you definitely need to give him a very stern talking to and condemn his behaviour. As others have said, he’s essentially preyed on her. He wouldn’t do the same with you or with a male because he knows exactly what he’s doing.

I know he’s your dad but imagine if this happened to your daughter.

This reminds me of a scene in the superb It’s A Sin where a character with brain problems articulates some really inappropriate stuff, shocking the people present because it is so uncharacteristic.

Unless you suspect he’s a sex pest who has kept it hidden for donkeys years (unlikely) I think you need to chat to his GP about dementia. I’m so sorry OP.

This isn't uncommon in elderly, lonely men who HAVEN'T got dementia. They are simply taking advantage. Elderly people with dementia who are displaying inappropriate sexual behaviour often don't differentiate, so might be sexually inappropriate to their daughter or another female relative. Your dad is reserving his consistent 'inappropriateness' for the time he is alone with a female. He needs a firm talking to. Make the carers aware of this and make it a policy that they double up or only allow men.

Well he clearly can’t be trusted around women any more, so going forward you can only employ men to assist with him.

I think you're right not to have the same cleaner back and I'm shocked that she's prepared to or that the agency would allow that!

How are the cleaning company planning to handle it? Presumably they're going to send in a male cleaner from now on?

If you tell your dad that he can't ever do this again do you think he'll listen or be able to control himself?

I'm sorry OP, this sounds so hard and I feel for you.

What type of scan did he have? Some brain damage can only be identified by having an MRI.

You sound so kind OP

No advice, I'm sorry, I am sure you will do the right thing. How upsetting for you and the cleaner

Get him a male cleaner if needs one
The poor woman must be so upset

This type of behaviour is usually Frontal Lobe Dementia - from what I gather, it's usually caused by brain damage due to head injuries or substance abuse - but - this should have been evident on the scan. Has he been drinking again? This could explain the depth of depression and the behaviour as well. Depression and alcohol are a bad combination. I completely agree that keeping the cleaner away from him is a great idea. One way or the other, he is simply lacking the filter to tell him not to behave inappropriately or act out on his desires/sense of entitlement. I don't think she's safe. You certainly don't trust that he would listen to you if you "spoke to him about it" and frankly, neither would I. The company that employs the cleaner has a duty of care to keep her safe, and shouldn't be suggesting this anyway.

I don’t know what the answer is but this is very common with people I worked with who have dementia. Given the information you’ve mentioned it seems highly unlikely that your previously lovely dad is actually a sexual predator and far more likely that there is a medical cause. I’m really sorry though, I know how difficult it can be for families to cope with these kinds of personality changes.

After your update, I wont be excusing his behaviour as a side effect of his medical state. You seem to suggest that he has his faculties and will know it is wrong.

If he needs a cleaner then hire a man. Follow up with his carers to see if they are safe, although I suspect he is only doing this with the cleaner because she is less protected and therefore vulnerable. She should be calling the police. If she wont then it is what it is. Pay her a decent number of months wages and hire a man.