My dad has sexually harassed his cleaner

This happened with my FIL. It was vascular dementia in his case. He was inappropriate with several females. When he went into a home, it culminated with him getting into bed naked with a female resident. We had to have him moved to a male unit and although there were females serving the meals, all the personal care was done by a male.

It will be interesting to know whether he has said or done anything inappropriate with a carer. Either way you are right, he should have males dealing with him from now on.

I'm really sad to hear that you're considering sacking the cleaner and replacing her with a man because she's lodged a sexual harrassment complaint!

He could be doing this because he's mentally incapacitated in some way, in which case the cleaner has said she's happy to continue working. He could be doing it because he's an old perv, in which case he should be called out on it and told to stop. You can only work out which one it is by talking to him - surely that's the first course of action before the poor woman loses her work!

I really feel for you this must be awful for you Can you request a review with neurology? My dad had a stroke some years ago and whilst he hasn't behaved like your dad has fortunately it has affected him mentally in many ways eg really poor executive function and self awareness, cognitively slow etc. In the short term a male cleaner is a good solution but it might be that the neurologist could suggest some more rehab/support which might help. It might also be his response to feeling very put of control, lacking independence, grieving etc obviously very inappropriate and upsetting but a medic might be able to help you figure out what's going on a bit.

I don't think she should go back for both their sakes.

www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/vascular-dementia/symptoms-causes/syc-20378793

On the brain injury thing - frontal lobe injury or disease can result in disinhibtion, but not have other obvious signs. Whatever the cause, the cleaner needs to be protected.

I find it odd too. She said she was ok about going back as long as he was spoken to and as long as there was another cleaner with her. I agree that it's not ok and told the owner as much. she might just really, really need the money and you might find that the agency have suggested that 2 cleaners go together to try and protect her.

Sorry, sent by mistake before finished.

I would see what his general behaviour has been like in case there are other signs of unusual behaviour.

If not, then he could be letting all his frustrations out on the cleaner.

Either way, I think you could speak to him about this, how his behaviour has upset the cleaner, and ask him why he is behaving like this.

If he is like this with the carers too, then that suggests removal of inhibitions or understanding of appropriate boundaries as result of the stroke or some other mental condition. Needs addressing if so, get the gp back on the case.

Does he have single careers visiting or are they in pairs? He may be less inclined to be inappropriate if the latter ...

I would also agree this sounds like dementia. This type of behaviour is very normal in dementia patients. And dementia is very common following strokes.
My suggestion would be to discuss with his care team about his behaviour. Not just the recent incidents but his behaviour more generally. They will probably be able to say if they think dementia is a possibility.
Also if this is a very recent issue don't discount issues such as a UTI which can make people disoriented and act inappropriately.

Once you have spoken to the care team you will have a better idea of what your looking at. I would then be talking to his GP.
I would keep any conversations with him about it light and no accusatory to start with. And see where the situation goes.

Going off subject slightly though. If you haven't already it might be worth chatting to him about organising a LPA both for medical and financial matters. Dementia can come on and progress very rapidly.

OP, the partner of my husband’s friend had a stroke a couple of years back and since then has made many an inappropriate remark to my husband, myself or both. She doesn’t appear to have dementia going on my experience of having had both parents with different forms of the disease. Stroke can damage the brain in different ways. It’s probably just that and your dad of old would probably have been horrified if he could see himself now. Maybe he needs more care than he’s receiving at present e.g. nursing home or care home?

I'm pretty disappointed that you are agreeing with one of the few posters who are implying that your father is a suddenly a sex pest, despite many others confirming that this is a common side effect of dementia and condemning his behaviour - unless you are about to drip feed that this has been his normal behaviour.

"The cleaner says she is ok about going back"

This isn't okay. They're setting the scene for another incident.
Why would someone return following sexual harassment?
Why would a company inform you and then say that the victim is going to return?

Your dad is a vulnerable old man and has been accused of some awful behaviour. He needs you to advocate for him.

What's in his best interest?
How can you reduce accusations in the future until a plan can be set up?
What does Dad say happened?

I personally wouldn't use a cleaning company that lets a cleaner return to the scene of the crime.

[quote TubbyMcFatfuck]@creepingthyme I agree with you.. I'm pretty sure if he was like this with his carers, physio, or nurses, I'd have heard by now. I think he's specifically targeted this one particular woman. Awful. [/quote]
I wouldn’t assume that. If care staff know his medical history they will likely assume it’s disinhibition and won’t necessarily raise it unless it becomes very problematic. Just happens it’s the cleaner and not the care staff where it’s tipped into problematic.

Or he’s just being a letch - but if that’s out of character I wouldn’t assume the worst. If the cleaner is willing to go back she likely is assuming it’s medically induced behaviour.

Does your dad realise she is infact there working as a cleaner? I’ve worked in dementia units and found that wearing badges saying ur job role nurse, domestic, etc are very helpful as they simply forget.

He may well be disinhibited as a result of his stroke.

Worth asking his entire care team if he has been displaying behaviour that is inappropriate with any of them and implementing some safe working practices routinely, such as always having two people attend him if he is physically strong enough to be a risk. If not a physical threat then his care plan should advise staff if this is an issue so they can manage it appropriately.

Totally agree that all staff need to be safeguarded. But if nurses and cleaners stopped dealing with the disinhibited with dementia or strokes or other conditions, they would soon be short of work. Best thing is to be totally open about it.

My wonderfully proper grandmother who spent her retirement volunteering to help immigrants navigate their new community, unleashed vile, racist diatribes at her carers at the dementia facility.

Things can go south very quickly. He might also be taking advantage of the situation. You just can’t know without investigation and time.

Dementia can have a pretty quick onset. My DGM was assessed and had a head scan and we were told she didn't have dementia, but they was evidence of some cognitive impairment. 6 months later after a couple of tia's she had to be admitted to a care home as she could no longer walk and was displaying lots of bizarre behaviour. She was then diagnosed with Alzhiemer's.

So it is possible that he has developed dementia since the scan, or than the stroke has had more of an effect on the part of his brain that affects impulse control. You can speak to him and tell him his behaviour is unacceptable, but I would get him checked out by his GP to make sure that it isn't a sign of dementia or any other brain issue.