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Elderly parents

Worried about Dad moving to a care home.

31 replies

Galvantula · 29/01/2021 09:39

I mean I was worried already, but the Covid restrictions are just making it feel more awful and scary. 😓

He'll obviously need a covid test, but the bit that is worrying me is that he'll have to isolate in his room for 2 weeks. Plus we can't take him in, he'll just have to go in himself at the door with the staff.

I know it's become too much for my mum to cope with and we've all agreed it's the right thing for them both, but I'm just feeling the guilt I guess.

He has dementia and has deteriorated massively over lockdown, he's anxious to get 'home'. They've been where they are for almost 10 years, but is not right to him.

If anyone has recent experience of moving into a care home and how it went or any advice I'd appreciate it, thanks Flowers

OP posts:
helpfulperson · 29/01/2021 17:03

The staff will be experienced at this. As well as a family tree we did laminated pictures with notes about his hobbies and holidays. Again to give staff something to talk about to him.

Candleabra · 29/01/2021 16:55

Don't feel bad about not doing your research. When the time came for mum to go into a home, where she went was governed by who had places and choosing from those.

Mum5net · 29/01/2021 16:49

Name tags - snappy tags are expensive but reusable and is pretty much a guarantee the garment is always tagged.
Take photos of all the possessions with your phone individually so you can refer to them with carers.
Start writing a list of his dislikes and favourite things and keep a back up file in your computer
A laminated immediate family tree with photos is great for the staff to chat to him about when he starts to get his personal care done. Good task for grand kids

Galvantula · 29/01/2021 16:18

All the power of attorney and other legal/ health stuff has been sorted out for years. The speed of this recent decline has just caught us out. We have made the mistake of not doing care home research in advance.

The one we are looking at is fairly close and quite small. I'll make sure we get a chance to look thoroughly at the care plan, I've seen an example one on their website. They've said they'll label his clothes for us actually.

He has an appointment for first vaccine dose in a couple of weeks.

I just feel for himand worry about the move, even though he's not happy at home just now either. I took my youngest with me today, which would normally keep him entertained for a bit. He was still so unsettled, looking to go out all the time.

OP posts:
NewspaperTaxis · 29/01/2021 13:16

The same advice I give in all such cases - ffs make sure he's granted you Lasting Power of Attorney in Health and Welfare beforehand. Does he still have general mental capacity? If not, he can't grant you it.

You go to Gov.uk or something, download the forms, sign in right order, needs a witness. Costs about £80.

Without it, you later find you are not the decision maker for your relative's care. Being Next of Kin has no legal bearing, and nor does being self-funding.

Otherwise, you're looking at name tags for clothes (from school outfitters, dry cleaning place may be able to fix them on, best they go on the outside for pants to avoid chaffing), don't bother with taking in pricey woollen pullovers, they just go in the wash and get ruined, any lovely bedspread make sure it is labelled or it can get pinched. Lovely sentimental pricey items? Leave at home.

Scan in photos at library and get printed out at Boots, then framed. Maybe get the care home to send you a photo of his room so he can anticipate it.
They will go over a care plan. Take notice of this - in effect it's a contract between you and the home.
I found it hard to get care homes to give Mum drink - I had to suspect they had her on end-of-life care aka ending life care, like the Liverpool Care Pathway. Daily fluid intake should be raised as part of the care plan - it should be a litre a day.
IMO the care home relationship is triangular - it's between the local County Council and local NHS CCG. The family is outside the loop, they're just there to be taxed/fleeced.
That's why you need all the leverage you can get. The 'friendly chat' with the care home manager can simply mean 'We don't want this in writing, so later on you've got nothing on us.'
Of course, has he been vaccined?

Mosaic123 · 29/01/2021 10:17

Can you send some personal items in advance that they can put into his room? Pictures for the wall, an armchair ? It might help.

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