How often do you ring your elderly parents?

Regret having done that.

Every day but my Mum is only 75 and despite major physical health problems she is definitely not elderly!

I am going to sadly buck the trend and say once a month at most, she’s 80. Superficially we get on but there’s a back story, you don’t get to ditch me and forget I exist because you had another family for 13 years without consequences.
My aunt (mother’s SIL) however is fab and now she has a mobile we FaceTime a couple of times a week

Every 2/3 days. We WhatsApp regularly too. DM is 73 but is widowed. I try not to have a regular phone time as it would set a difficult precedent that would be hard to break. DM phoned her Mil every evening at 6 for years which I so don't want to get into. I'm very supportive but I have a young DC and very busy Dh and need to find a balance.

Wait are you saying 68 is elderly? I'm almost 60 and my kids are still in school!! "Elderly" varies from person to person. I know potholers and cave explorers who are 68 or older. It also depends whether you are still looking after parents in their 90s.

Every couple of days. Usually me phoning them but sometimes the other way around.

I sometimes phone every day, but they seem to find it difficult if it happens too often although we do enjoy a chat. I know, I know, it's very hard to explain. They are in their mid eighties and increasingly frail. Everything is exhausting to them and they are paranoid about showing me their frailties and vulnerabilities, so it is all a bit of a compromise really.

Frustrating and worrying really, as their landline is out of order, they need a new mobile and we had to ask a neighbour to check on them.

Dad, 83 , every other week , or every week at times, for about 15 to 20 minutes.

He never phones me - this annoys me, although he's always been like that and I should be used to it.

Wait are you saying 68 is elderly? I'm almost 60 and my kids are still in school!!
When my parents were alive and lived locally they came every week for Sunday lunch and I'd go visit another day, phone calls were generally just arranging that. When they were in their Spanish home we'd call once a week (and go visit there once a year). They were very active and social up until my dads death at 79 (my mother was 83), then I tried to see my mother more often. She moved abroad near other family and I'd call her about once or twice a week after that, and visit once a year (and she'd come visit once a year too).

Every day, without fail.

Once every 2-3 weeks plus texts in between. It’d be more but I’m not convinced they like me/ would want to talk.

Daily and my parents are the same age. I am 27.

We share a bottle of wine (or two) once a week.

You will miss them once they are gone

Pre-Covid it was a phonecall a couple of times a week.

Since lockdown started, we have Skyped for 30-45 mins every day, missing probably only three times over the year. It has now settled to 7.30 every night unless my brother is joining too at weekends.

I don't see how I could ever stop that routine now, and it is not something I would ever have wanted to get tied down to if it hadn't been for the pandemic.

About twice a week actual phone calls, but WhatsApp, texts, emails most days. DM is 80 this year and widowed, she moved 3 streets away Jan 2020 and with the year we have had it's the best thing we could have done as we can see her (support bubble) as often as we wish

I have noticed lately that whenever I call, no matter what time of day, my mum and dad are in the middle of something vitally important (doing a food order, putting some fat balls out for birds, rearranging the photo drawer) and desperately inconvenienced by my calling then- but go on to complain endlessly about how they have nothing at all to do and are very bored and quite disappointed by how so few relatives are calling them. I spoke to my brother and a cousin who reported the same- any phone call is greeted as if it is interrupting essential activity and they are doing you a favour by answering it, but they report having nothing at all to do and are miffed at a lack of phone calls. It's odd.

My mum (74) and I message a lot, ust chatting - almost always daily, usually more than once. I very rarely message my dad.
We rarely chat on the phone, pre-covid I'd sometimes call on the way home.
We (normally) see them every Sunday for a meal.

I phone or FaceTime nearly every day at the moment as although they have each other they really look forwards to other interaction to break up the monotony. They are 81 and 77. If I haven’t spoken to them I will still exchange some texts. Pre Covid I would visit or phone around twice a week.
DH’s mum is 91. He is her support bubble as she still lives independently but needs a bit of help. He sees or calls her every day.

I phone mine every day, more or less. I usually do it while I’m out for a walk and speak for around 30-45 mins. I don’t FaceTime much though.

I don't really have a set routine but I speak to my parents probably 2-3 times a week. We WhatsApp daily though.

About twice a week and I do visit about once a fortnight, they are quite local and late 80s/90 so I count that as supporting the vulnerable before the Covid Police report me.

It is difficult when you disagree politically, my DM is very 'feisty' and loves a political argument debate but after hearing the same points for so many years it is obvious that we are never going to agree so I try to listen politely or change the subject. I would love her to talk about the next door neighbour's cat's operation or similar rather than having to discuss Brexit etc!

Smed It's possible that they ring only when they want something because they don't want to be a trouble, so they ring only when they need you to solve a practical problem. Of course then they'll start convincing themselves that trivial problems need you in order to excuse their call.

Have you told them what time is good to ring?

It is difficult to find things to talk about when your lives are completely different. I found Dad wouldn't listen to anything I said, and I realised it was because is real need was to talk - he listened all day to the radio - so I started emailing him about the family's day to day doings, and it was reflected in his conversation he started to talk to me about things I'd told him in my emails.

Dad wasn't politically that different from me, but he'd come up with all sorts of strange stories that just couldn't be true. I found a usfule technique was to say "we're never going to agree on this and I don't want to row with you" then move on to another subject.

It's worth making an effort, not just because of the sense of duty you feel, but also because you're role-modelling to your children how to get on with elderly relatives.

Once a weekish. They never ring me unless they want something, and then they invariably ring at 6pm (work full time, have three young children, so 6pm is the craziest time of the day). Then I’ll say something (because I’m tired and grumpy and trying to feed/bath/change/do nice things with children) like “but mum, it’s 6pm, did you have to ring now to ask me if it was ok to come and stay in three months time?” And then they get in the hump and go “well it’s never a good time for you”.

I ring more out of duty than anything else. They try and talk to the children on FaceTime but then mid - child conversation they’ll start talking about aunty betty’s neighbours cat’s operation or something, so the children aren’t interested at all (and neither am I). And invariably I now get the “well I know he’s a bit of an idiot but I can’t see anyone other than Boris Johnson doing such a good job as he’s doing” and I either have to row or bite my tongue. I literally have nothing of shared interest to talk to them about.

I spoke to my dear parents every day I wasn't seeing them. Truly wish i still could.

Every day and text a few times a day.

sorry forgot to add their link www.coolpots.co.uk