Falling out over Bojo and general Tory incompetence

@rookiemere I'm not sure that makes it any clearer!

One thing I am sure of, in this context it doesn't have the litera; meaning that Acorn saw in the urban dictionary

Oh dear - I heard the expression from a long dead etiquette site - Nothing to do with what I’ve just looked up, it literally meant “Oh that’s interesting that you think Priti Patel is much maligned. Oh that bean dip looks yummy”

I wish I hadn't and I have no idea what it has to do with this thread!

something called bean dipping

@rookiemere I could do with reminding to not get involved with pointless arguments. Any way to avoid them much appreciated, so thank you very kindly for the idea of 'bean dipping'.

I'm guessing, though, that I am the only one who looked up the expression 'bean dipping' in the online urban dictionary

Your mum is an adult not a child, no need to infantilise her by always agreeing with her views. It’s your choice if you lack the energy normally to challenge them but you are as entitled to a say as she is! Maybe you went in a bit strong this time but it’s healthy and normal to hear other opinions.

I appreciate that I may sound ‘patronising’ and very much hope my parents never notice anything from my non committal answers - we have never had a relationship where debate can rage, but have had mild debates re political policies in the past - my parents definitely see me as awkward and ill educated when I disagreed though. In the last year they have needed more support and after I got a proper dressing down early April I decided to not comment further - I don’t want to fall out and they need my help - I feel they don’t venture as much into political conversations for the same reasons. When I say I think their critical thinking has reduced - it’s less that my view is right - more that instead of giving some explanation why something is ‘right’ - it just is - they said it that’s enough and instead of responding to questions they would just flap them away.
I found their views difficult at first when I started seeing them twice a week instead of once a year, and some are frankly outdated - I would come home enraged and with half a tongue 🤦🏻‍♀️ but it’s got easier over the months to take this approach and makes for an better relationship - I generally think I should be open on my views and speak out on my principles- but have to break my own rules with my parents.

I don't agree that as people age they should be patronised, not disagreed with, patted on the head and smiled at rather than debated with. My parents and I have always had passionate debates and discussions which sometimes become arguments, I won't stop doing that just because they're getting older. If one of them wanted to praise Johnson and the government I'd express my disagreement strongly. But they wouldn't expect any less. I think they'd feel more insulted by me taking some "oh poor OLD parents I can't possibly upset them by doing anything other than smiling and nodding at their views" approach than any expression of disagreement.

My DPs do that @MsJinks try and drop wee nuggets into the conversation to show how marvellous Brexit is or why Donald Trump is not the devil incarnate. I get secret malicious enjoyment from just letting the crumbs land on the floor - usually with a few seconds silence so they know I've registered it and am not entertaining any discussion of the point.

It's a shame as I've recognised that I won't change their minds and avoid many discussion subjects, so it would be nice if they'd offer me the same courtesy.

secondly I am sad at their lack of critical thinking They may be feeling the same. Just because elderly parents have different views to their offspring doesn't mean the offspring are necessarily right.

Total sympathy- and it is wearing on 2 counts - firstly, my parents talk to me as if I’m an incompetent and deliberately ignorant child - secondly I am sad at their lack of critical thinking, and their continuing support for a party that only has the same name as that they voted for 20, 30, 40 years ago, not the same principles or policies, though I do understand that’s my view too. I don’t care to say anything controversial any more, as they’re ill and elderly, but it can be difficult- a small comment I thought boris should have shut down earlier in March brought a torrent of telling off and I could feel I was a disappointment to them! I have just spent 3 weeks living with them to do care and just bit my tongue when my mum’s telling NHS staff how right the gov’t got it -and when watching twattie mattie - they’re too old to do anything else now. Conversely I know they comment on things they consider might show me the error in my thinking quite slyly and I have a feeling they would like to tell me off but know it’s not right to get into such arguments.
No real advice - I roll my eyes to myself, go ‘mmm’ and then rant at everyone else after to save it spilling out to them.

I had the same with my mum the other night after the school closure debacle. I was annoyed that Boris could say schools stay open on Sunday and then close them on Monday, that didn’t go well. She’s very supportive of poor boris and obviously if I have better ideas I should write to him and volunteer to do his job! Felt about 5 again, the disapproval flowing down the telephone line was palpable. You have my sympathies OP

“Right wing” if you don’t agree with OP - who hasn’t even got a political argument, just propagandising - hope she’s jogged on to AIBU or a “safe space” where no one can disagree with her .

I let people have their views and I have mine. What makes you think you are the only person entitled to political views? Sheer arrogance I’m afraid to say. Let your mother have her views. If you want to create a scene and fall out with her your because she doesn’t agree with you, you must be living in a very small goldfish bowl...

OP, for what it's worth I have the same issue with my own parents and my brother and his wife for that matter. I bite my tongue whenever we get together as healthy debate is just not possible. I can count a couple of times when I have snapped and that has predominantly been when I've ganged up on by them at the dinner table. I totally get where you are coming from and it's not even about left vs right. It's about their total tunnell vision and I guess lack of awareness for anyone in a slightly different situation to themselves. I think like previous posters have said, there isnt much you can do. Just change the subject. But I totally feel your pain.

Has this thread been moved over here from AIBU? It's not the usual "elderly parents" discussion.

She asked for opinions on how to proceed with her mother - not on Tory incompetence.
No one really believes Boris is handling the pandemic well, do they? I mean, that's not possible.

OP, you literally asked for opinions but are dismissing any that don't match your views

Sorry to hear it. My dad thinks somehow that the gov are “doing the best they can with the science they’ve been given” at the same time as believing it’s a biological weapon.

Coming to think of it, I’m more likely to believe it’s a secret weapon than the gov are following any timely science.

Byeee

I think a lot of the nasty replies you are getting are from Tory voters / Daily Mail readers the only nasty replies on here have been from the OP.

Fact is discussing religion or politics will always have the potential to be divisive. And if you can’t take the criticism for your views (you as in one in general) then you shouldn’t be giving out criticisms to others. It’s a two way street.

Are you new on here?

Seriously, you need to unclench. You have your views. It doesn’t make them right.