Care home Christmas Day and presents left should I make a fuss?

[quote IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls]@CherryRoulade i am glad you do not work for me and you are probably glad you dont .

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Sounds like good management attitudes - not.

It shouldn't have to occur to you to think about whether you will inconvenience the staff ... thats not your responsibility @AMBOG .

It really isn't

@CherryRoulade i am glad you do not work for me and you are probably glad you dont .

And @AMBOG as a mental health nurse of course you should visit if you want to !!

I cant believe some of the attitudes on here. Psychologically it is so important for you & your mum & dad to maintain a connection.
It promotes hope and helps people's wellbeing, lessens feelings of isolation.

Absolutely always do what is in the best interests of your family & mum - not the staff .

As staff we are here to support and meet the needs of the family- your expectations of what you need from us for you & your mum should not alter because we are in a pandemic.

Things might need to be done in a different way but the standard of care should not change.
I am very passionate about that .

[quote IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls]@CherryRoulade you are so bang out of order.

I am a nurse for people who don't pay for their care , and we absolutely care that people have their presents, favourite clothes, and yes we try to put the glitter on top of the icing because we look after our patients quite literally as though they are our family.

@AMBOG you are not unreasonable in your expectations . Dont lower them. Your mum absolute deserves true personalised care ... challenge the staff and the practice its how things improve.

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I’m sure many do.... it with huge pandemic staffing shortages it isn’t reality expect staff to get everything right all the time. Many homes have staff on their knees, missing leave and days off to offer a basic good quality care.
I’m delighted you can find the time and staff to permit you to provide very personalised care; most homes are struggling at the moment. Preventing pressure damage, ensuring pain relief, assisting people to eat has to take priority over finding presents that have been put away for safe keeping.
Nobody is suggesting poor care is ever acceptable, but at the moment there’s a balance to be had.

@CherryRoulade you are so bang out of order.

I am a nurse for people who don't pay for their care , and we absolutely care that people have their presents, favourite clothes, and yes we try to put the glitter on top of the icing because we look after our patients quite literally as though they are our family.

@AMBOG you are not unreasonable in your expectations . Dont lower them. Your mum absolute deserves true personalised care ... challenge the staff and the practice its how things improve.

I would be very wary about reducing visits and contact. I understand what you mean but we do still have regular contact and we are pretty convinced she's been looked after. In the extended family someone has a visit/zoom each week with calls and photos being sent as well.

@WinstonmissesXmas I personally don't know a lot about care homes but there's defo not a lot of money in nurseries lol. They were on the bare bones and that was before covid, some won't even survive it. I don't know where people get the idea that they are money makers

I would be very wary about reducing visits and contact. In my experience, this does not lead to staff having more time to look after the residents, but it can lead to standards slipping and care being less good. It is pretty obvious that if no one is checking or even noticing then it is much easier for care needs to be neglected. There was a thread on here where a nurse was contemplating whistle blowing because the care home wanted her to accept people being wakened and dressed from 4.30 am in order to get it done before the day shift started. OP, continue to ask and check on what is happening. You are your mum's advocate.

Honestly, I'm going to go against the grain slightly and say the fact someone found it after half an hour suggest someone put in a safe place and it just hadn't been well communicated where. I'm not saying it's great care but it's not the worst thing that could have happened. Does she generally appear happy and well looked after? That's the main thing.

I have found it really helpful being able to do video calls with my mum in her care home . The home has a couple of iPads specifically for this reason, you book in a call and the staff set it up. They will prop the iPad so mum can see me and either stay with her for the call or keep coming back to check she is ok with it (she has quite advanced dementia ). I find this really helpful as it allows me to see the interactions between mum and the staff and also the normal functioning of the home eg I can see/hear any activities going on . I wondered if your mum's home does anything similar ?

With regards the presents , sometimes it's just about getting used to their procedures, so if you know that a home 'quarantines' things taken in for residents then you know that you need to drop stuff off in plenty of time .

It must be very difficult for you, and for your family for your parents to be separated at their stage in life, particularly with current difficulties around visiting .

*I think your expectations are entirely unrealistic and unreasonable at this time. She had her presents. She opened them that’s fine.
The care home staff are probably operating on a skeleton staff due to Christmas leave, Covid19 and Brexit. They have all the people to care for in hugely difficult circumstances. They are paid a pittance.

You want glitter on the care perhaps you should provide it?*

Sounds like someone is a care home manager! Individual staff may be paid a pittance but the management teams certainly aren’t! For that price, they should be providing glitter made from gold.

Care homes are notorious for providing a mediocre service for a pretty penny, being run on a shoe string for maximum profit. They’re like nurseries, absolute licenses to print money and still they can’t be arsed a lot of the time. Things like this would make me consider whether it’s the right home. £900/week and they can’t be bothered to pass on a few gifts?! I’d be taking my money elsewhere!

I agree with Cherry. DMIL is in care and we've reduced all visits in lockdown precisely because we want the staff to be looking after the patients.

When we do see her or they send photos, she's always looked clean, in her own clothes and they phone us if she ever needs anything.

If we didn't trust them implicitly she'd be moved.

This makes me so incredibly angry. Of course you're not expecting too much. Of course someone should be treating her kindly. If it doesn't improve look to move her.

If mention it long and loudly

At £900 a week I'd want really amazing care

I was a carer for 4 years. I'll never do it again.
We were understaffed, we never had sufficient time to take care of our residents the way they should have been taken care of.
I was told off once for spending too long helping a lady with her hair. Your expectations are not unrealistic at all. That is the care they should be getting. I ended up coming in on days off to do things like painting nails, having a clothing sort out, taking them to the sea front for ice cream! The cost is astounding and the least the staff can do is offer some of their bloody perfume when helping assist in care.
Also I was on £6 something an hour, for 12 hour shifts and the hardest job I'll ever have. I do feel for the staff as I desperately wanted to be better at my job than I was, simply because I didn't have the time or Staff to really help. 2 staff to 28 residents in an afternoon. Choosing between helping someone eat or leaving to assist to the loo. Honestly the guilt and upset from that job. I miss the residents every day. They were amazing, I truly adored them. But I could never ever do such an upsetting job again.
I really do feel for you op. I hope covid goes away very soon so you get more quality time with your DM X

Care home Christmases are fucking brutal in my experience. We paid £37 a head to eat Christmas Dinner on what we knew would be my dm's last Christmas. It was tiny and grim. The home was supposed to be one of the best in the area and they just didn't bloody care.
I'm so sorry they've let your mum down, you all deserve better, much much better.
I hope, like me you have some good Christmases in the future to make up for this one x

It is crappy. It is also unsurprising. Yes, it is difficult for care staff; yes they are understaffed etc BUT they need to make arrangements for stuff like this. In normal times, family sort this stuff out if they are around. If you are not allowed to do this then yes they should have made sure she got the presents. I remember how upset I was on my ds birthday that the arrangements I had made for him to celebrate were completely forgotten about. He is in residential care as an adult with disabilities and it was very upsetting that staff couldn't be arsed to do what had been agreed.

That would really upset me and I work i health care and know how busy it can be. Were the presents all together in a bag or pillowcase with her name on.