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Elderly parents
Original poster

"Toxic" mother trying to get money off her 18 year old grandson

38 replies

ElderAngst · 10/12/2020 21:38

I wasn't sure whether to put this in 'Elderly Parents' or 'Relationships'.

I went NC with my ("ignoring" covert narcissist?) mother recently after her latest abusive meltdown directed at me. The latest in 4 decades worth.

Recently my son's Child Tax fund matured. My mum put in some money over the years and it grew in value. To my surprise, my 18 year old son told me today that my mother wants him to buy her a £500 television. She told him she deserves this "gift" from him in return for her putting around £15K in the said fund over the years. He's easygoing and agreed to buy her a TV, though tbf he wasn't given a choice in the matter anyway!

I should add she is a very comfortably off woman and has plenty of money herself. £500 is literally nothing to her.

It brought up so many awful feelings for me, I just can't even describe them.

Am I over-reacting?

I feel I need to calm down, but can't seem to.

Can anyone help me here?

OP posts:
iMatter · 10/12/2020 22:25

What a cow.

This will only be the start of it.

Tell her the money is now locked away in a 5 year account or something

WineNotTheLabel · 10/12/2020 22:22

£15k was a gift, your mum isn't entitled to anything. Requesting money from her 18 yo grandson is shifty. She will probably keep asking.

Noname99 · 10/12/2020 22:22

I totally agree with you ..... the whole point of a child trust fund is to GiFT money to a child as they turn 18. To then say actually you owe me something back is utterly repugnant. And I’ll bet it won’t be the only ‘gift’ she’ll want. I’m horrified that anyone would do that to their grandson

tribpot · 10/12/2020 22:20

I agree with @TokenGinger, he needs to tell her (whether or true or not) that he's locked the remaining funds away in an ISA. Otherwise I suspect she is going to try and get the whole lot back bit at a time.

I would also warn your son not to accept any 'gifts' from her when she may want them back at the time he can least afford to return them.

SimplyRadishing · 10/12/2020 22:18

Is the fund worth 15k total????

Original poster
ElderAngst · 10/12/2020 22:17

And its good to get some humour as well as other perspectives, so thanks for that too ...

OP posts:
Original poster
ElderAngst · 10/12/2020 22:14

You understand gluteus, nothing is ever freely given, only with resentment and awaiting payback ....

I do feel sorry for my son though, I don't want him dragged into her manipulations.

OP posts:
Original poster
ElderAngst · 10/12/2020 22:11

Thanks its good to get other perspectives as well.

Even though she's a loaded miser.

But yes its good to try and look on the bright side too ...

OP posts:
gluteustothemaximus · 10/12/2020 22:10

I think she is picking on him, knowing he can't "refuse" her as they would then massively fall out, she would probably never speak to him again.

Well that kills two birds then. Be £500 'better off' and cut out granny in the process Grin

Sorry for the flippancy. We got a couple of narcs in the family. If I'd known refusing £500 would have seen them off I'd have done it!

overoptimism · 10/12/2020 22:09

I can see why she shouldn't have done it but I do think you're not thinking clearly. She has been incredibly generous and your son would be within his rights technically, but utterly ungracious, not to share a little with her now. What kind of person would he be to refuse?

He's in a very fortunate position.

TokenGinger · 10/12/2020 22:06

I don't think I could get wound up over £500 if she's contributed £15k, but I would be telling him to make it well known that he's locked it into an ISA he cannot access for a house deposit or something so she can't ask again.

Original poster
ElderAngst · 10/12/2020 21:58

Yes, she was the only contributer Hollow, apart from a few hundred by the government. I'm a single parent - ill health and benefits and low income.

My son's agreed to this already. He's philosophical about it. I think she is picking on him, knowing he can't "refuse" her as they would then massively fall out, she would probably never speak to him again.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 10/12/2020 21:47

Is she the only person who's paid money in?

I would back him up in refusing her. He could say he's saving the whole thing for a house deposit.