Clearing out my mum’s house

I did this for my mother, it took months so start soon. My sister was reluctant for us to start, saying it was like throwing her stuff away before she was dead.

But in the end it was for the best, it took weeks and weeks to clear, and suddenly we had to sell the house to pay for the care home, we were really pleased to have made the start when we did.

I feel for you as it's hard, but don't feel bad about getting on with it.

I’ve never done something like this and I’m sorry to hear about you mum but one thing I would say I to ensure you leave furniture in the home until you decided to sell etc. Mainly because of council tax reasons and home insurance. There’s some kind of clause that if there’s furniture (fridge cooker soafs) then it’s being lived in technically and you won’t incur charges or have insurance made invalid by having an empty home. I only know this as we had to do this with my grandfathers house after he passes. I would be inclined to start a room at a time, my mother started in the bathroom and worked her way upstairs, up stairs held the most memory’s so it was easier for her. Keep what you want, if you’re unsure then keep it and make a decision at a later date. In regards to items that are too good to be thrown away how about a too good to waste scheme? I’m in South Wales and we have a few of those, as long as things like sofas have fire labels and everything clean and tidy they will come remove it and pass it onto someone in need.

I agree with everyone else. It is a really difficult thing, but worth starting to tackle.
You know in your heart she isn't coming home, but dealing with the house seems to be 'admitting' it.
However, it is better done now than letting the house get damp or musty or the target of those criminal minds that know it is empty.

I would start by ''filtering" stuff. Start in one room - maybe a spare bedroom - and get rid of everything that doesn't hold an emotional attachment. The blanket box, the spare sheets and pillow cases, the books, excess furniture, ornaments, etc. All the "stuff" we all have in, that 'might come in handy one day'. Go in the garage or the shed and get rid of the tools and the old tins of paint and all the bits we hoard that, in truth she would never use nor miss even in the remotest of possibilities that she did come back and visit. Put anything personal on one side and come back to it later.
Do you have a good friend that might come and help you for a couple of hours one weekend ? It is SO much easier to do when you don't have an emotional attachment to it.

Especially given what you said about the relationship I would think of it the other way round. Remove those things you want to keep and any important paperwork and get someone to do a house clearance of the rest

Ow, OP, I feel for you. Your mum's stuff has come to the end of its, not her, life with her.

But her stuff can and will bring delight and help to other people if you charity shop it, and it will get a whole new lease of life.

A clearout might be an ending for you, but you're starting a lovely new beginning too.

I had to clear out my Dad's house when he died. I felt exactly like I was throwing my parents' life away. I kept as much as I could and my daughter kept some but there is a limit. I had to sort everything else to the charity shop or the tip. Two men with a van from the local Hospice shop came and took most of the furniture. They must have thought I was looking upset (although I thought I was holding it back) and told me that a lot of people would benefit from the sale of these things. They were so kind, they must have seen this many, many times.

You may need to sell the house anyway to pay for long term care. I think either way (now or waiting until she's passed) it's going to be difficult. Can you take some key things to the care home? Ornaments, photo frames etc.

It's a horrible thing to do OP but the chances of your mum going home are remote. I understand what you mean about feeling you're 'chucking away' her life; I suspect that anyone who has ever cleared out a house in such circumstances has felt the same way to a degree.

We are in this position with my MILs house. We are clearing it because it needs to be sold to pay for the care home. I think it’s a bit easier because we are not grieving - but it does feel awkward effectively throwing away her life. But the things are no use to her now and her Alzheimer’s means they don’t even have sentimental value. The only good thing I can say about Alzheimer’s!

It is a hard thing to do. My mum died last year, so we have been clearing out her house to sell it, and it is tough. She was in a care home before she died, and I wish we had started clearing stuff after she had moved in there, as it is more painful now (though this may be different for you as your relationship was not good).

Practically, I would start by removing any of your stuff that’s still in the house (school/ university stuff) as I found it easier to deal with my things and it felt like I was making some progress. After that, we’ve gone through things a watdrobe/ cupboard, drawer at a time. A lot of sentimental things have been boxed and stored to deal with later. Books, crockery, ornaments etc will go to charity (though that’s hard to organise right now), then we’ll get a house clearance firm to clear the furniture. I hate to think about it

Is it just you, or do you have siblings to help?