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Elderly parents
Original poster

Dad is obsessed with neighbour feud, don't know what to do!

30 replies

Thelatestfigures · 07/10/2020 20:27

Not sure if anyone can help, sorry this is long.....

My Dad is nearly 90, lives alone (Mum died 20 years ago) is in full control of mental and physical facilities. He's got some feud going on with a neighbour which has been going on for years, he lives in a communal area, 7 houses and has been there for 40 years so the oldest and eldest resident. All the other neighbours have either died or moved away in recent years and so the new incumbents know nothing of the feud, problem is my Dad is totally convinced that the feuding bloke (who is middle aged not elderly) will bad mouth him to the others. My Dad is the Director of the little management group that look after the communal gardens and pathway.

He's just got into yet another argument with this bloke and sent him a curt email and the neighbour has written to him and cc'd all the neighbours in demanding his resignation as Director and telling them a bit of his history.

He's gone nuclear - wants to get solicitors involved etc and I am pleading with him to just let it go. He's now furious at me for not 'supporting' him, should I just agree with him? I just can't. To my mind he is about to create the exact scenario that he was wishing to avoid - i.e all his neighbours believing lies about him if he goes ahead and responds.

I've tried numerous times to tell him that the best way to deal with it is to rise above it and just be cheery and polite to the new neighbours and they will make up their own minds but he is hell bent on putting things straight as he sees it.

I feel so sad that his twilight years are going to be spent on this pointless feuding and hatred and want to try and stop him, btw he asked me to be totally honest. I wasn't interfering with what he is doing.

What do I do? Just nod and smile and let him alienate everyone and go to his maker miserable or keep trying to reason with him?

Thank you for reading!

OP posts:
MrsMortimer · 07/10/2020 22:51

It sounds like he gains a strange sense of purpose from this. If he's always done this kind of thing, I think you need to accept it's the way he is. It's keeping him busy and giving him something to focus on - a negative situation and not one you'd wish on yourself, but if he's in control of his faculties, I'd leave him to it and don't get involved. Hopefully the other neighbours will form their own impressions of your dad rather than get dragged into this ongoing feud. Nobody wants a fight on their doorstep, and most people would have some forgiveness for a 90yr old even if he does seem a bit argumentative!

Original poster
Thelatestfigures · 07/10/2020 20:40

It just makes me so sad to see him wasting his life in this way, he's so unhappy. Maybe his age is irrelevant really.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 07/10/2020 20:34

If that's the case, I fail to see what you can do about it. I can imagine how frustrating this is.

Original poster
Thelatestfigures · 07/10/2020 20:32

Aqua thank you for responding, he's always been like this, sorry I should have said. Always been a very angry man, not violent in the least but firing off angry letters to companies - it's his hobby sadly and moaning about everything, he's been a lot worse since my Mum died but his world is so tiny now this is consuming him.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 07/10/2020 20:30

I'm thinking he actually isn't in full control of his mental faculties. He sounds paranoid and highly combative which might indicate some level of dementia. I would do my best to get him seen by his gp.