Not asking for help

Oh yes. Tripping over, hitting head on corner of railing, refusing an ambulance "because he doesn't want to be any trouble", turning up on my doorstep with blood cascading down his face. "Next time", I said "just get an ambulance. It's a lot less hassle".

Of course, I'm aware of all the times he's put off "bothering us" until the problem has got too large to manage, and I don't know about all the times where he's sorted it for himself and was quite right not to call for our help.

My PIL have really struggled to let us take over more of the admin burden - but I can completely understand that, it must be very diminishing to have your kids running your finances, explaining everything. They’ve gone from being the strong ones to the dependent helpless ones.

We did go through a long couple of years of them getting in a mess, asking us for help, but not giving the organisations we were dealing with permission to talk to us. We’ve finally got it cracked - although mainly because both now recognise FIL dementia is progressing and they just can’t handle.

But really they are both lovely and I can understand how hard it must be for them.

Hi @Orangeblossom7777 got this in spades with elderly mil. Lots of passive-aggressive crap : ‘I shouldn’t have to ask’, xx family are always round at hers etc.
It’s generally day to day stuff like food shopping. She insists she will do it herself, then calls around 6.30 to complain she has nothing to eat.
In her case, she has always been attention seeking but as she gets older she has zero consideration for others. Lockdown has made it worse.
DH tends to ignore her until she plays nice, but as I am currently at home she just calls me. ( I don’t always answer) It’s hard - if she were my mother we would have a direct conversation, but she cannot deal with those, even from DH so the cycle continues.
Maybe just ignore them for a bit ? Or be blunt. It’s a tough time of life for them and those of us trying to help.