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Elderly parents
Original poster

Power of attorney while parents are well?

88 replies

Neenaw20 · 22/08/2020 14:25

Hi

I’d appreciate some advice. My parents are getting order. Neither are in good health. My mum has Leukaemia and has various other ailments including diabetes, high blood pressure etc. My dad has frontal lobe damage, is more or less deaf and has reduced mobility.

My mums speech has deteriorated significantly recently. She is at times unable to string a sentence together, slurs her words and has lost confidence (not helped by the corona lockdown and isolation). I have been living with my parents for the last 10 months whilst my house has been renovated and have seen a definite change in her behaviour (as has my dad) and we are both worried for her. Her memory and metal capacity appears generally ok. Not great but ok.

I have asked my mum to see a doctor to see if she can get some help for her speech but she has until now refused to acknowledge there is a problem. My dad has also spoken with her. We are now at a stage where she has agreed to see the doctor next week and she is looking into a Power of Attorney. Something I believe is sensible to put in place whilst both parents are well, it wont take away from their ability to look after their affairs at this time but it means I (and my siblings) can help them when required and it can be enforced should anything change in the future which affects mental capacity.

I think it’s the right thing to do and have been advised by many friends and family to put this in place based on their experiences.

My sister is however hesitant about it and feels it’s overkill. She thinks if we just write a note to the institutions that mum needs to speak to (like banks) that this should be adequate.

I am quite frustrated by this. My sister very rarely sees my mum (3-4 times a year) and when she pops by it’s briefly and my mum is on best behaviour. I feel she has no real understanding of the level of support both my parents need (even now). I am also fearful that should anything happen with my parents health then I will be left to puzzle my way through the minefield of legal and financial challenges associated with a lack of power of attorney. I wouldn’t be able to spend the time doing this. I live by myself, I have a full time job which is very demanding and I have my own mortgage and financial commitments which I can’t walk away from.

I suppose I am asking, am I doing the right thing by asking my parents to think proactively about the POA? Or is this overstepping the mark? As said previously, as I understand it, it Is something you should do while you are well in preparation for when you aren’t well. I want to make sure I am in the best position to help my parents. I love them very much.

OP posts:
wannabebump · 22/08/2020 15:37

It's absolutely the right thing to do to get it now whilst your parents are able to do so. Once it's too late (sorry), life is so much more difficult. POA makes the processes much with banks etc manageable. Your DSis is in cuckoo cuckoo land I'm afraid, both with your Mum's health and thinking a note would suffice.

Id go ahead with it x

MrsFezziwig · 22/08/2020 15:33

Absolutely do it now, and make sure you register it with the OPG at the same time. You then can just keep it in reserve ready to be implemented when needed - while your parents still have capacity they are the ones who make decisions, POA or not, if that would reassure your sister.

In the nicest possible way, your sister is a fool. Companies do not operate on the basis of little notes written to them (sometimes it’s hard enough to get them to act even when you have the actual power of attorney).

TeenPlusTwenties · 22/08/2020 15:33

Sounds long overdue. Better 10 years too early than 10 days too late.

We did ours in my 40s.

Knotaknitter · 22/08/2020 15:25

Your sister is making stuff up, ignore her and get it done now. I am fit, healthy and under sixty and I have one because if the worst happens then it's too late.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 22/08/2020 15:19

You don't need to register them with companies they can sit in a draw until they are needed

True, but make sure you do register them with the OPG, or they won't be valid when you need them.

Girlwhowearsglasses · 22/08/2020 15:18

Yep of course now is the time. God it’s difficult enough to pas if checks for yourself without having to convince institutions to let you do it for someone else. ‘A note’ is ridiculous. You need the two types too.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 22/08/2020 15:16

Your Dsis is in a fantasy world. It's hard enough to get banks to accept a POA. Good luck getting them to deal with you on the basis of a scrap of paper. Stick to your guns, OP.

pollyhemlock · 22/08/2020 15:14

Get it done. We did it for my Mum years ago when she was still fit and active, with her full agreement. It’s invaluable to have it in place now she’s 97 and increasingly frail physically and mentally.

imissthesouth · 22/08/2020 15:10

Definitely get one, the speech concerns me the most, vascular dementia as a PP mentioned could be an issue, and could cause her to deteriorate quickly. In fact everyone should get one set up, something as simple as a car accident could really be life changing

BetterCare · 22/08/2020 14:58

Get it done, for both of them and both LPAs. Heath and Finances, immediately.

My brother and I got my Mum and Dad's LPAs registered and just a couple of months later my Mum fell really ill. It would have been a nightmare if we hadn't of had the LPAs.

You don't need to register them with companies they can sit in a draw until they are needed.

I know other people who have not had them and it causes such a problem trying to get things sorted.

I tell everyone now how important it is to sort LPAs out.

Fyzz · 22/08/2020 14:54

Do it asap. In fact do it for yourselves as well.
We did it for mum years ago when she was fit and well. It was put away and forgotten about. It only came into play this year just before she died but made life easier.
DH and I have both got LPA with each other and both DCs as named attorneys.

Its very easy to DIY as the government website is very helpful, you don't need to pay a solicitor if the cost is an issue.

EasilyDelighted · 22/08/2020 14:50

Do it as soon as possible. Mine are in full health but set them up with is several years ago. Nothing then changes until you need to take over. Notes to banks etc will not suffice.

nzborn · 22/08/2020 14:45

l would recommend obtaining it ASAP before they can no longer give permission. Your mum's speech could be due to vascular dementia and there is no way to tell how fast either of your parent's health could deteriorate to a point where they could no longer be considered capable of giving permission.
Best wishes for the future.