Power of attorney while parents are well?

I can only speak for myself, but I take enormous comfort in the fact that my parents have taken the steps early on to ensure I am able to take over should tragedy/serious illness strike. With all of their various financial interests, I can only imagine the nightmare I would have to contend with if they hadn't already sorted everything.

There's quite a lot of info here, Sinister

www.ageuk.org.uk/information-advice/money-legal/legal-issues/power-of-attorney/

@SinisterBumFacedCat

I would try my hardest to get through to your mum. Perhaps showing her some articles about POA and the consequences for you if she doesn't have one will wake her up.

Watching with interest. My DM is flatly refusing to consider POA even though I already manage all her admin. Roughly how much should I start saving now to manage GPO and how long does the process take?

You are right, your sister is woefully ignorant.

it Is something you should do while you are well in preparation for when you aren’t well.

This is correct. DH had POA for his DM, who was coping fine despite diabetes into her 90s... until quite abruptly she wasn't. It was hard enough anyway but would have been a bloody nightmare without the POA.

DH and I are approaching 60 and have already sorted out POA for each other with our (young adult) DD as reserve. There's no benefit whatever in delaying getting the paperwork in order if it's clear who should do it.

Your sister is daft. Their poa should have been done years ago. I'm an only child, and my parents revised their will when I was 21 to give me poa and any other authority I would need. I'm 47 now and they still have wonderful health, so hopefully won't be needed for many years to come.

The time to designate poa is before your health takes a turn.

if we just write a note to the institutions that mum needs to speak to (like banks) that this should be adequate

It won't be remotely adequate - the bank won't allow it.

Do your parents have wills?

We used this company, run by a former (possibly current) MN-er who did POA and wills really cheaply
www.marlowwills.co.uk/

My sister is however hesitant about it and feels it’s overkill. She thinks if we just write a note to the institutions that mum needs to speak to (like banks) that this should be adequate

Your sister is wrong.

Get POA in place whilst your parents can agree to it (and any specific wishes they want included). Having PoA in place in advance of the restrictions on visiting hospitals imposed by COVID was a life saver when a seriously ill elderly relative was about to be booted out of hospital into an empty house with no support.

After days of trying to get the consultant supposedly "leading care" to update me I found the magic words "I'm her legal PoA call me" resulted in a call from the consultant within 15 minutes. Interestingly the first sentance they uttered was to check the PoA was active and that they had to talk to me

I have it for my perfectly healthy parents - both of whom have looked after ill elderly parents and want things to be easier for the next generation when they are the old ones. I hope your sister can be persuaded and I wish you well.

Dreadful time here when parents refused POA.
DM (84( was under section in a MH unit when my DF had a catastrophic accident in the house and died.
SW therefore were making all decisions on her behalf until we applied via the courts for guardianship. It took six months and several thousand pounds. All the while DM was detained in a MH wing of a community hospital 50 miles away as her address had to remain constant while the legal papers were in the court system.
Only once we secured guardianship could she be moved to a care home near us.
Over a dozen people locally have got their POA in place after seeing my parents’ situation play out. Nightmare.

I didn't have the POAs, though the financial one would enable you to take control of the bank accounts.

However, if you simply did the internet banking because you had the password, that could raise questions if you continued to do so after DPs were unable to take their own decisions. Whereas if you are named on the account you actually own it and are of course entitled to carry on using it. But you need to agree with your sister who will take control under the POA because if you are a joint owner of the bank account but your sister has the POA, it effectively becomes joint between the two of you. Which may be OK, but it may be a source of conflict.

I controlled my DMs account from over 2500 miles away, to monitor her pensions coming in and paying for her nursing home and all utilities on her house, also all online.

Whilst you may be watching a gradual slide towards dementia, remember that loss of capacity can happen in a flash if one of them has a stroke, which is what happened to my DM.

Actually I carried on with the joint bank account for quite a long time, but in the end the money ran out and I needed to access some savings that were not jointly held.

Then, with no POA, I needed to use a solicitor (about £1000) to go to the family court (about £400) to request the Office of the Public Guardian to grant a Deputyship. I had to pay for an insurance policy (£500) and submit regular reports to the OPG of what I had been paying etc. It all took at least 4 months to put in place. Trust me, getting the POA is much cheaper and easier than this way.

I actually used the same joint account after my DM died and turned it into the executors account, then just took it over completely when the estate was finished and still have it.

@june2007

My parents named who would have POA should they need it. They don,t at the mo but things are in place should they need it.

Have the forms been completed and registered with the OPG? If not then actually nothing is in place.

Your sister is entirely wrong. You need PofA and should do it soon.

My OH and I signed PofAs to each other when we were quite young - we both worked in the health service and had seen how important it could b). My OH died in February - he had PD and was very paranoid and had no idea about sorting finances and care out. It was tragic to see a highly educated and intelligent man become a shell - and neither of us envisaged such a thing happening when we signed the PofAs. But I was so glad that we did. I was able to completely take over the finances and pay for the care he needed. And to make some very difficult decisions about his care; and at in the end, about how his death should be managed.

Do it now!

my husband and I did them with our Wills in our 20s.

Do it ASAP. If you think you need to use it bits probably too late... it needs to be done before then. Soooo many people only think about it once a parent has dementia. By then you are into capacity assessments which can often only be done privately by old age psychiatrists, despite solicitors saying just get your GP to sign it, it is a big legal declaration and GP ones can easily be thrown out of court by a determined barrister (as GP is non specialist) if families fall out with each other and contest which is sadly not that uncommon. If not deemed to have capacity to understand what they are signing it all needs to go to court of protection.

Yes, I’m in the process of doing it for DM as we just lost my DF suddenly (in his 80s). I have set up a 3rd part mandate with one of the banks so I can administer her accounts with them. That was straightforward, we went in together and they did it on the spot.

Yes do this straightaway as advised by everyone above. My husband is just taking early retirement and his pension advisor has said we should do this now so it is there when needed. Its a long form but not difficult, you can do it yourself without a problem and send off to OPG for registration. Well worth it

Do it ASAP. Brother and I did this for our Dad. No solicitors involved. He had to consent to application and sign forms. Once registered,Finacial LPA can be activated at anytime. Health and welfare can only be activated if deemed to lack capacity. We used Government website it was excellent.
Forms seem daunting but just work through them

As an alternative your parents can make an advance directive giving details about the ceiling of care they would want in specific circumstances. That would reward solicitor but offers another option.

Don’t phrase it as discussion about dying or dementia. Maybe ask more who they would trust to make decisions for them if they had an accident or became acutely unwell.

for

LPA must be given by your parents when they have capacity to do so.
There are two types, financial and health/welfare.
You cannot make any decisions without the LPA being registered whilst they retain capacity. You do not need a solicitor at all.
If you are registered you still cannot make decisions they are able to make for themselves, but can act where the decisions are beyond them.
Your parents can ask you to act and give consent for banks etc without LPA, but that right to act stops whenever they lose capacity.
If you aren’t given LPA before they lose capacity you may apply to be their deputy but that isn’t automatic and they may be reliant on professional best interest decision making.

I have it fur my mum who is fit and well .. we need to get better about talking about illness and death while we are well and alive imo

I am right in the middle of doing the LPA for my dad. The hardest part was figuring out who could be the certificate provider to say my dad knew what he was signing (we ended up with old family friend).

The form itself is pretty straightforward I think, so you can do it yourself. But I did call this solicitor which was mentioned on another mumsnet thread and they seemed quite reasonable.

www.marlowwills.co.uk/

Sorry for all typos.

As for health poa - my ma also had a living will which she attached to her health poa so that we knew hers wishes about variais thing like resuscitation, life support etc.

For money she had me as some poa with others named as alternative. For health all of her children were poa And we could act alone (thought sensible in case of emergency and her living will dictated most things for us).

The forms give you all of the options and the guidance notes are good.

She was really relieved to sort this out for herself and for us.

After death you have to notify and send back originals to be cancelled.

Bank accounts -
Poa only kicks in when they are unable to deal with themselves. You need to register yourself as poa with their bank so that if anything needs to be done in a hurry it isn’t delayed by then registering. I had to make appointment to do so.

Day to day with their consent it easiest simply
To sign them up for online banking BUT depending on their mental capacity
And tech ability administer anything online yourself with their agreement. I used to deal with all of my mums online stiff but only white her permission and in fact I ou when I was that hers so we would do it together so she knew what I was doing for her (bills paid or transfers). She did not ever know the login or password. She continued to use chèques and go into the bank for her £10 withdrawals etc.

In death )sorry) the poa falls away so it was good I had online access to accounts (I was executor if the will) so I could deal with some stuff (estate expenses - funeral, house expenses, etc) before accounts were closed and probate solicitor instructed.