Is my Mother in law a psychopath?

I was going to say get out before you get pregnant and then I read you're already pregnant. I understand that your faith is important but this woman is going to control your life until she unable to do so anymore. If you want things to change then you need to put your foot down now before she takes more control from you.

This will get ten times worse and your life ten times harder when the baby arrives. Do you work/have your own income? Would your parents have you back if it got to much. How do they stop you seeing your won parents? That is abusive controlling behaviour.

"Guys it's a bit more difficult then that, we have our own home already, currently it has tenants in it, I'm pregnant too 19 weeks nearly and my husband is the only son. So even if we really wanted to get out, there's this constant blackmail of "oh you left us" it's so hard to explain."

I do think that it is difficult to explain. It is emotional and abusive manipulative behaviour disguised as "culture". As others have said we are in England in 2020 not pakistan in 1930. It will not change. She will not change. The only change that will happen is the one you make when you leave. I don't think anyone can offer you any more advice than this because there is obviously not going to be reasoning or discussion to change her behaviour as it is obviously totally enmeshed in her society as acceptable behaviour. I imagine it will only get worse when your child arrives.

You need to leave and not come back - will your parents take you in? Or a friend maybe? If not go to a women’s refuge.

My in laws are very similar. Similar culture too. But we don't live by their rules, we make our own decisions and live with the consequences. My brother in law and sister in law do follow their rules including living with them, and they are absolutely miserable.

You can't live like this, it's abusive.

Ok.
I'm from a pakistani background and muslim
First of all the way you are treated isn't right.
She should be letting you go to your mum's house as much as you want.
In our culture the sons are usually the ones who have to look after family. So maybe that's why you are living with your parents in law.
Unfortunately I think the only way you are going to stay sane is to move out.
Your husband should be sticking up for you, and if he isn't able to do that then you need to look at the situation and see what you can do.
If there are tenants in your house the only other option would be to move in with your parents. It isn't going to get any easier if you have a baby, instead I think the control will escalate and likely your mood will dip.
If your husband doesnt back you up then you will have to make the decision if you want to carry on as you are for the rest of your life or separate. But in the short term you need to move out, maybe to your parents until you can sort out alternative living arrangements with your husband.

I think there's no point in people who are not from the OP's culture commenting, unless they have a very close and deep understanding of the consequences if she just "ran away", or "told" her DH they were moving. It could be very dangerous, or at least, have severe long term consequences.

OP I know there are several DV charities which support women from your culture, you could ring and talk this through with them? OK your situation might not be as extreme as some of what they will deal with but they will be happy to advise.

Here's an Islamic one, recommended by Women's Aid:

www.nour-dv.org.uk

Their web page talks about abuse from a partner, but I imagine they'd be able to help or pass you onto another specialist charity if not.

I’m not familiar with your culture so I’m sorry if I’m not helpful or understanding but why are you renting out your home and living with your pils?
You are so young, it’s not fair for you to live like this and the stress is especially bad for you considering your pregnant?
Will you be living with her after the baby arrives?
You may risk losing all say over your own child.
We don’t know the background story very well but is there no way for you to give your tenants notice and move into your home or for you to live with your parents?
If you are in the UK you do not need permission to leave their house, you are free to do as you please though I understand how this is more complicated than that.
You need a plan, you can’t live your life and bring a baby into such an unhappy living environment.

Are you supposed to live there for the rest of their lives? This is 2020. If she wants to live in the past so but it. Leave. Your husband will come after you.

You need to tell your DH how much this is upsetting you especially with a baby on the way, and that as your husband he should have your back, I wondered if it had become worse since you announced your pregnancy. Maybe your DH could tell his parents he's taking you for a day out and then just take you to your mum's, he really does need to man up though and tell his mum that if she doesn't back off she will lose you both and the joy of having her grandchild living in the same house. I hope all works out well for you

I will say first that I'm not Muslim, so have no first hand knowledge of your situation.

I think you need to talk to DH.

Set out how whilst you respect that his mother is very traditional, you are not prepared to live your whole life being dictated to.

He needs to understand that you need to remove your tenants as soon as possible and move out. BEFORE your baby is born. Whilst he is scared of his mother, you need to remind him 'what can she do?' she can moan and complain, but what can she actually do if you move out? Moaning and guilt tripping is NOT worse than what you are putting up with now - he is currently taking the path of least resistance.

If you don't have him as an ally prepared to stand up for you, then you don't have a marriage.

Have you told your family? Are they similarly traditional or would they support you through a divorce if you find your husband won't stand up for you?

I am guessing you moved into their family home, rather than the other way around. I am not from the same cultural background, but my friends - who are - all live in single-couple households with a regular pattern of visits to their parents/in-laws.

If you told DH you wanted to move out and start a household of your own, what would happen?

@Keeksbeeks You might want to move this thread to relationships where there is a wider audience and other posters in a similar situation. This board is more for people dealing with elderly parents who need care. I have DC your age and I barely think of myself as middle-aged, let alone elderly!

I am so sorry you have to deal with this

Your husband needs to grow a backbone

Exhange "MIL" for "Husband" you would think you had an abusive husband and if your friend / sister was telling this story you would probably urge her to get help and leave.
It's still abuse if your mil is doing this to you, I agree with others that you need to leave, it will get worse especially if you have children, good luck

You don't need to put up with this. Presumably your husband is happy for you to have to ask his mum for 'permission' to see your family? Get out, move and leave it all behind. You will look back when you are 26 and wonder why you put up with it in the first place.

Has you mil said why she feels she doesn't want you seeing your parents? Talk to her and find out. It could be that she's afraid of you bringing the virus back to her home which you could pick up while you are out of the house. This is the only rational explanation I can possibly think of. If anyone stopped me seeing my parents I'd be out of there like a shot.

This isn't going to get better and you know it

Go and live with your parents. If your DH loves you he will come with you. If he doesn't then you will be well out of an enmeshed relationship.

I know from friends in Pakistani culture it's expected that the DIL waits on the MIL or this was how it was in the past. If the MIL still has the traditional mentality, this is why she expects this however you are so young, even from the sounds of things the boxer amir khan's wife endured this with her PIL too. It is a battle of you been a young woman raised in the UK and the battle of the old Pakistani traditions. Hopefully someone from a similar background can advise you soon but you may have to do battle and insist on your own household. Even if you and your husband are saving up for a mortgage, it would do you better in the long run to rent somewhere and have freedom. Good luck

No one, and I mean no one, had the right to control you. You are a free person. Leave this place.

Run!

Go. Will your parents let you live with them? Do you have DC? If not, run before you get pregnant.