DM about to dangerously discharge

Oh Dorset, it sounds like she has psychosis or something, surely they must have sent a psych team member to see her? Can they give her something to calm her down so that she at least gets some rest?

Poor you and her, it must be dreadful seeing her in this state. My mum was none too good either today, begging me to take her home, not knowing where she was again and talking nonsense. Just when you thinking you are getting somewhere then they take a turn for the worse again. It is painfully slow getting any diagnosis let alone any treatment. Keep us posted how things have gone today.

Good luck for today - I feel for you x

De-lurking to send you a very un-MN hug. You've really been through the wringer. I'm sorry things are so awful for you and your poor Mum.

Hugs and more

Thinking of you🌺🌺

Hope the hospital can help her and you are coping as well as you can

Dorset Hope it hasn’t been too traumatic. Your mum sounds increasingly unwell and it maybe that they will start to increase meds or do an about turn on whatever meds she has been put on. The hospital staff will have a huge volume of cases that they have seen before and can look objectively. It’s harder though as you are not detached. All days won’t be as bad as this one .

Your DM sounds very similar to mine. It's so draining. Good luck this afternoon.

Dorset This comment addresses something you said on Flygirl’s thread... If your mum’s behaviour was v erratic at the NH now she’s in hospital it would be fair to assume the staff will witness what the NH staff were contending with .... they may make an exception and get an elderly specialist to rake a look.

Well, you really can't look after her yourself now. NH and new GP will have answers next week, don't you worry.

Of course seizures can cause bizarre, usually awful, behaviour - a mate of mine who had a small stroke was vile for months. Old people who have them can be impossible to keep at home.

Switch off (ha ha - easy to say. But try.) DMs behaviour is a medical problem, not a family one - leave decisions up to them.

Whilst it’s v upsetting to read her notes, far better she is being monitored by a team at the nh and not under your sole care. If she worsens then she will be escalated to somewhere with higher staffing ratios rather than back to you.
My DM left lots of little scattered notes saying how scared she was of people staking out her home and noises. Medication helped her greatly. It’s likely you are still on high alert and wired to her every need. Try to switch off for a few hours if you can.

So sorry Dorset. I can’t say anything helpful, but at least you know now she needs specialist help. Don’t go everyday to see your mum, she won’t be aware of how often your visiting anyway. Be kind to yourself and take care. Xx

How often are they asking you for detailed history? It's ok to tell them you will not be available for 2/3 days. Give them another contact number for emergencies only and make yourself unavailable. You need to put your own oxygen mask on before helping others. Look after yourself.

I think the NH will have seen a lot of this type of behaviour. It also shows that she cannot be left on her own so services will have to be involved in her care whatever happens. I would let them know about the notes you found.

I think you should continue to step back and give yourself a break with your phone off. If your dm thinks 2 days is 2 weeks anyway, it really won't make a difference to her.

Congrats @DorsetCamping .

So so pleased for you and your mum hope she’s very happy there. Can’t help wishing it was my mum we’re just starting on this road, more and more calls for help, just had a call to say she feels dizzy and can I go and take her bp, yesterday could I go because her toaster had broken the day before she had a lot of Pain in her hip. She’s been assessed by adult services we’re waiting for a call to see if she can have carers. I honestly feel like running away, I suffer from anxiety so I’m not much good anyway in these situations, which in turn makes me feel very guilty. But I’ll have to live with that. Good luck to you all.

Good news for you both.

Well done Dorset!

Yes, longhaul is right about capacity. Nursing home is still accepting DF has capacity over whether to take painkillers, The government guidance is very clear that capacity isn't all-or-nothing, it has to be assessed on a decision by decision basis, from "where do you want to live?" to "would you like a cup of tea?"

Thank goodness @DorsetCamping we had a similar thing with my mum a few years ago. She was discharged home and we’d actually told the discharge team it would fail and she’d be back in 24 hrs and she was, this time with another broken hip!

I would just say though that the capacity thing is tricky. My DM doesn’t have capacity to decide where she lives but is deemed to have capacity to decide if she wants to accept personal care. Effectively this means that she rarely washes but that’s her choice and the care home cannot force her. Just because she has limited capacity for some decisions doesn’t mean total control should be removed and it’s very hard sometimes to remember that.