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Original poster

DM about to dangerously discharge

262 replies

DorsetCamping · 14/06/2020 15:18

Apologies for the continuing saga but am at wits end.

To be brief DM (74) has been in hospital 3 times over the last month due to various conditions and the last admission being for 10 days and near deaths door. All pointing to her continuing decline and inability to cope independently.

She reluctantly agreed to go to a rehab unit last week and seemed to be making reasonable progress, no doubt due to be constantly monitored and with the 24/7 care.
Tentative Plans were being discussed for her to go home with an enhanced daily care package.

However, yesterday she had a fall, whereby her walking frame tipped and she banged her head. Thankfully she is ok but naturally it raised deeper concerns about her safety and needs when she goes home.

Onto this morning, she said she is self-discharging and that if I don't go and get her tomorrow she will call a taxi Hmm. Said that there is no way she is staying, hates it and is exhausted.
I have spoken to The nursing staff who are adamant that it is not safe for her to go home, especially with yesterday's fall and that her care package needs a new review. More worryingly is that no carers will even be available in the immediate future given COVID and calls on resource.
They have told DM all of this but she it's falling on deaf ears.

I am so cross her with, it's like dealing with a toddler. She has no clue about the worry this is causing or the implications with lockdown. All she keeps saying to the staff is that either I, or her elderly neighbours will help if need be.
I mean, WTF?!
They did ask me about her mental health as she seemed so low today but ultimately it is her decision.

I am so exhausted with her. All she is being asked to do it sit and recover - you'd think she was in a prison cell the way she goes on. I can pretty much guarantee that if she goes home tomorrow she will just end up in hospital again and we'll be back in the same merry go round.

OP posts:
flygirl767 · 16/07/2020 06:45

@DorsetCamping any news on your mum? I do hope they have managed to move her to a suitable place.

Supersimkin2 · 14/07/2020 21:09

You can't feed or water or med someone without their consent. Having said that, the name of the game is to get their consent, as medics well know, with nice food, etc etc.

I don't know how likely it is she's moved the to MH unit - spaces will prob be like gold dust.

Try and find out what's frightening her. Has she always been difficult? It's hard, because sometimes the 'stubborness' (=suicidal idiocy) is a symptom of the madness as well as a cause of it.

Rinsefirst · 14/07/2020 19:53

Fingers crossed for you and for her. Remembering when it happened to us ... when they found my DM a MH bed it was in a hospital an hour away. Two nurses had to take her there in a taxi at about 8.00pm and I travelled separately. I got to meet her named nurse at 10.00 pm to go through all her likes and dislikes while they observed her. Flowers Covid might make it all 10x harder.

Original poster
DorsetCamping · 14/07/2020 18:45

@flygirl767 I am really hoping they do section her and move her to the MH unit. I don't believe she is being looked after properly and needs a specialist team around her.
I have insisted the psych team ring me as soon as someone has seen her.

OP posts:
flygirl767 · 14/07/2020 18:39

Glad to hear she has at least been scanned. Hoping the psych team admit her to a MH ward and then the long process of diagnosis will follow! We are 4.5 weeks now since mum was sectioned with no diagnosis or treatment as yet. I do appreciate it all takes time though. At least they will ensure she eats and takes meds, I too am shocked that they have not been more on top of this. However, I guess unless she is sectioned, they cannot force meds etc on her

Original poster
DorsetCamping · 14/07/2020 18:27

After much cage rattling, DM finally had a brain scan today which came back clear. Her liver scan was also clear
The psychiatric liaison team should now be seeing her this evening which I am praying will provide some answers. The doctor has also given her some meds to calm her down

DH went in to see her today and saw for himself how acutely unwell she has become in the space of literally 10 days. He was utterly shocked at how they have let her refuse meds and food/drink . She is literally a shell of her former self

OP posts:
AllTheProsecco · 13/07/2020 22:18

Hi OP, I haven't read the whole thread so apologies if someone has already said this but my GM has vascular dementia. She can have episodes like this when she has a urine infection. It's extreme but as soon as the infection is cleared she goes back to how she was. Obviously she still has dementia but is a lot more stable and capable.

HappyHammy · 13/07/2020 22:08

Oh gosh, that's awful. Not eating, drinking or taking meds will not help. Can you talk to PALS and ask for their help in meeting with the doctors, asking them for a diagnosis and a treatment plan. Maybe the mental health team cant see her without all medical reasons being investigated.

Original poster
DorsetCamping · 13/07/2020 20:33

Unfortunately there has been no improvement -
DM still very confused and paranoid. She is now dehydrated and refusing all meds. I saw her today and she's a shadow of her former self.
Cannot believe the psych team still haven't seen her, I've been raising merry hell but doesn't seem to make a difference. No updates either from doctors since Friday morning despite several requests.

I am at a loss as to what to do

OP posts:
Supersimkin2 · 11/07/2020 19:55

Sorry OP - for some reason I thought DM had been diagnosed with vascular dementia already. Par for the course if so.

There are loads of meds to calm her down, but they can't fix the brain damage. Ask to see a psych asap.

flygirl767 · 11/07/2020 19:37

I guess they are ruling out physical reasons before dementia. Has the psych been to see her? I feel for the other patients on the ward, it must be distressing for them as well as your poor mum. I really hope they move her to a MH ward soon, you think they would have scanned her brain by now?

HappyHammy · 11/07/2020 18:03

It could be a number of things, dont assume anything until the doctors have done more tests. What are they planning to do, can she have something to calm her down a bit. Poor woman.

Original poster
DorsetCamping · 11/07/2020 17:26

@Supersimkin2

She's had a psychotic break. Suggest they medicate it now. Vascular dementia does this - it worsens in steps, not bit by bit.

DM's acting normally for dementia, OP. This is the disease. Push for her to be sectioned and then she has to be treated.

Do you think this we are definatley dealing with dementia then @Supersimkin2 ? I had no idea it could come on so rapidly Sad
OP posts:
Original poster
DorsetCamping · 11/07/2020 17:24

The frustrating thing is that no one at the hospital seems unduly concerned or has a sense of urgency.

No doctors are ever around and all nurses are able to do is give general updates. I tell anyone I speak to that the woman laying off her face in that hospital bed is not my DM and utterly unrecognisable from even 1 week ago!

OP posts:
Supersimkin2 · 11/07/2020 17:18

She's had a psychotic break. Suggest they medicate it now. Vascular dementia does this - it worsens in steps, not bit by bit.

DM's acting normally for dementia, OP. This is the disease. Push for her to be sectioned and then she has to be treated.

growinggreyer · 11/07/2020 17:17

Have they checked for sepsis and delirium? My Dad was really awful when he had this, but the hospital were on the ball and had him diagnosed and treated.

Original poster
DorsetCamping · 11/07/2020 17:12

I went to see DM today and although she was a little calmer, still utterly confused and paranoid. Shouting all sorts of dreadful accusations at the poor male nurse and just talking nonsense at me. She seems to be worse on a daily basis, almost psychotic. Even a few days ago she could focus to some extent but now nothing, just ranting or rambling. She's not even really eating or drinking as thinks it's all poisoned.

Not had any further scans, but am sure a brain scan would show some sort of damage/trauma. I keep saying it but the speed of her decline has to have a physical element.

OP posts:
Original poster
DorsetCamping · 10/07/2020 22:27

To add, thankfully her diabetes has been well controlled throughout

OP posts:
Original poster
DorsetCamping · 10/07/2020 22:26

@flygirl767, yes she was constipated when she was admitted but let's just say the whole ward were made very aware of when her bowels opened opened yesterday 😷
An abdominal scan she had earlier today not the liver one) confirmed that any fecal matter had been cleared

OP posts:
caramac04 · 10/07/2020 22:10

I just don’t understand why your mother’s choice means your choice is not valid.
I mean, if she comes home but cannot care for herself safely then your choice has been taken away as you will have to pick up the pieces.
It’s becoming more common - I’m biased as my FiL rules our lives even though he seemingly asks for little.
It’s just not fair.

I hope you and your D M get the support you need.

HappyHammy · 10/07/2020 22:03

good luck with tomorrow, maybe the doctors can get to the bottom of her distress and tell you if it's something that has gradually happened.

Original poster
DorsetCamping · 10/07/2020 20:24

@HappyHammy

Ask the dr if they are going to do another brain scan, did she have one done after her fall. Bear in mind it will be difficult for her to have any scans done if she is so distressed and agitated and they need to consider her safety. How is her diabetes is it under control now.
I did raise this with the doctor earlier as he seemed unclear on the timeline of events. He said her last brain scan was on 30/5 which was normal but I reiterated she has had several falls since then. Will press harder tomorrow for another scan
OP posts:
BillBaileysBum · 10/07/2020 19:28

You poor thing OP, I’m so sorry.

flygirl767 · 10/07/2020 19:25

@DorsetCamping

My DB who lives 3 hours away visited her today. She didn't recognise him and kept trying to send him away. Even more confused and manic than yesterday, wouldn't stop fiddlling with the bed controller and trying to pull drip out of her arm. Again repeating she wanted to die and that all men were murderers! Confused

I spoke to the doctor, they still hadn't done the liver scan but every other test she'd had done was clear. She last had a brain scan 30 May but her behaviour has been so extreme I'm going to insist they do another one. Dementia has been mooted but how can it be so dramatic and quick? This delerium/psychosis has literally gone from zero to off the charts in a matter of 2 weeks. There has to be something organic causing it Sad

Could she be constipated? My mum's delirium was caused by a mixture of that and urine retention (mixed in with a bit of dementia for good measure) Like you say, it is very sudden which was the same with my mum.
HappyHammy · 10/07/2020 19:24

Ask the dr if they are going to do another brain scan, did she have one done after her fall. Bear in mind it will be difficult for her to have any scans done if she is so distressed and agitated and they need to consider her safety. How is her diabetes is it under control now.

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