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Elderly parents
Original poster

Mother wanting to start going out “ it’s allowed now “

34 replies

Nearlyoldenoughtowearpurple · 04/06/2020 13:11

Am losing the plot here and feel like a bully.
My mother is 84 and has a brain tumour, not on treatment at the moment but obviously a prime candidate for DNR if she got covid. It also makes her not quite mentally “ normal” .
She is desperate to go out somewhere , preferably a garden centre because she watches the news and sees that you can.
I have explained many times that the cafe won’t be open, that you can’t linger and that it won’t be what she is expecting, but I don’t think she believes me .
She can only go if one of the family take her ( living as one family unit not breaking rules ) which I’m just saying no to at the moment but she won’t stop pestering and I’m feeling really unkind.
Am tempted to take her just so she can see but seems a stupid risk to expose her to the virus plus she is terrible for touching things, especially if you ask her not to, so that’s a whole other issue with covid.
Fully aware not a solvable problem probably but need to vent !

OP posts:
Apolloanddaphne · 04/06/2020 13:28

Take her out to drive past the garden centre to see what the set up is and then discuss it further and decide from there. She will then feel like she is being listened to and her views respected.

saraclara · 04/06/2020 13:28

God, in 20 years time I'll be that age, and if my kids remove all decision making from me like this, I'll be distraught.

saraclara · 04/06/2020 13:27

It is a solveable problem. Take her out. Even if she touches the pots in the outside nursery, the chances of picking up the virus are infinitesimal. There are studies now saying that the risk of transmission by touch has been way over-stated, and anyway, you can just stick hand gel on her every time she does it.

Being 84 doesn't mean that every vestige of control over one's life has to be removed. Put yourself in her shoes and have a bit of empathy.

winewolfhowls · 04/06/2020 13:25

I'd definitely want to making the most of my time left if I could at that age, so I say take her out too.

curtainsforme · 04/06/2020 13:25

God I would have taken her out plenty over the past few weeks. Take her out. She is allowed out.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/06/2020 13:22

Do you have a car? Could you take her on a drive somewhere, perhaps go for a picnic in a park?

saraclara · 04/06/2020 13:20

For goodness' sake, take her out. She's 84 and she has a brain tumour. The way things are going, she might never get out of the house again. I would be going insane in her position. There is no light at the end of the tunnel at the moment, so it's not like you can say 'hang on for a couple of weeks when things will be better'

The garden centres around here are being extremely well organised and 'policed' in regard to social distancing, and especially if she spends almost all the time in the outside area, she'll be at virtually no risk

Knittedfairies · 04/06/2020 13:17

Could you take a video on your phone to show her that the garden centre isn't as it was?

FreckledLeopard · 04/06/2020 13:15

Frankly, at 84, lonely and in not great health, I'd just take her. Or maybe go to a park or somewhere else outdoors that she can enjoy? Being lonely and isolated in lockdown with nothing to look forward to is hardly a life. Yes, there's a small risk, but at the end of the day, she's 84 - it's up to her to decide if she's happy to go out and about.