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Elderly parents

Dad, aged 90 + is begging me to visit

64 replies

SausageCrush · 26/04/2020 17:54

Several weeks of lockdown and my poor, extroverted Df is crawling up the walls with boredom.

I won't be visiting, but am very upset by his obvious distress.

He is physically frail, but still mentally very alert and really missing family visits, going to the park, shops, etc. He has carers in twice a day to do the basics, but is otherwise alone in his flat (in sheltered accommodation.)

His call today has left me in tears of frustration and really questioning the whole quality versus quantity of life in what might well be his last few months.

OP posts:
Bflatmajorsharp · 26/04/2020 18:39

Agree with others.

If he's on the ground floor, you may be able to stand outside his window and talk?

Otherwise, yes clean clothes to visit, wash hands as soon as you get there, stay 2m away.

Mental health is part of health. It must be so awful to be so lonely.

Herja · 26/04/2020 18:36

Definitely go and see him. The shielding advice says for anyone coming in to the home to remain 2 metres from the shielding person. Just do that and obviously don't go if you're not in tip top condition.

He has carers going in twice a day. You'll be less of a danger to him than they are, if you're distancing properly; I bet he'd rather a visit from you!

CeibaTree · 26/04/2020 18:32

I'd go if I were you. If he is happy to take the risk then I wouldn't deny him your company. It's no way for someone to spend their twilight years.

WatcherintheRye · 26/04/2020 18:29

I think you can definitely justify visiting your 90 year old father who lives alone.

userxx · 26/04/2020 18:29

Just go and see him.

HollowTalk · 26/04/2020 18:25

I would go. I couldn't bear to have him in a state like that. Would it be possible for him to stay with you until it's over?

MadisonMontgomery · 26/04/2020 18:23

If he has carers in twice a day, what’s one more person, really? If you stay at a safe distance & don’t touch anything, maybe sit on a plastic sheet or something, I don’t think you would be increasing the risk that much. Just make sure he fully understands & you both are happy with the risks.

GoodbyePorpoiseSpit · 26/04/2020 18:20

I would go and see him

NeedAUsernameGenerator · 26/04/2020 18:19

Providing support to a vulnerable person is permitted. Personally I would interpret this as whatever support they need, not just food shopping.

Ragwort · 26/04/2020 18:17

How far away is he? Can you visit and keep a safe distance?

I visit my elderly parents, (nearly 90) we sit in the garden, if I am questioned (which I haven’t been) I would count it as ‘helping the vulnerable’.

circusintown · 26/04/2020 18:13

"don't visit him the same days as you go shopping" why?

TeacupDrama · 26/04/2020 18:10

you know you can leave your house to go and care for the vulnerable

don't visit him the same days as you go shopping sit oppsite side of the room etc my father is a similar age but he is with my mother he is not alone otherwise I might feel like you do and he does

Hannah021 · 26/04/2020 18:07

can't you visit him and keep a distance?
I visit my parents every 2nd weekend and stay there for 4 days, I could never them when they need me most. I live alone in another city 92miles away and my partner stays in his own place.

I can't imagine leaving someone who's 90 years old alone knowing well enough he has little to live anyway. I'm sure if you ask him, he'd rather die happy with coronavirus, than alone with something else

ScarfLadysBag · 26/04/2020 18:00

It's a difficult one. My gran is 90 and is finding this very hard as her life revolves basically around going out to various shops to buy her groceries every day. She's really struggling and is still going out every couple of days as otherwise she says she'd top herself!

Honestly, with a father that age I would think this might come under caring for someone vulnerable - that doesn't have to be just their physical well being. Have you been pretty much isolating for lockdown?

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