Dad, aged 90 + is begging me to visit

My DM died a week ago in a care home from Covid.
I visited my DDad, he was so distressed I hugged him, he needed that more than distancing. He’s in the shielded group due to lung issues and age, but you have to weigh him up.
I’ll be driving him to the funeral as he’s not driven for 3 months following an operation and will be too upset to be safe driving. I will sit with him at the funeral.
Yes against guidelines, but the lesser of two evils, I’ve only been out once a week for shopping

You can probably visit within the rules about caring for a vulnerable person. His mental health is part of his care. Take care. x

My Dad died a month before lockdown and my Mum is now stuck in the house by herself with no company apart from the dog (and thank god she has him).

If I didn’t live 200 miles away I would absolutely be going around there to be with her as her mental wellbeing is shot to pieces - she’s incredibly low and craving human company. We offered for her to come and move in with us at the start of lockdown but she didn’t want to be away from the house she and Dad had shared

Go and see your Dad, take precautions, but if he needs you I think it’s OK.

Go see your dad why wouldn’t you,he’ll be classed as vulnerable.Im seeing my very elderly mum twice a week staying for about an hour.

I have an isolated parent too, with dementia. It’s just desperate. They keep asking when it’s going to be over. Day centres closing is a disaster. They can’t manage any online activities. I visit from a distance but the lack of physical contact is seriously damaging.

I wouldn't hesitate to go and see him.

Speak to the manager at his sheltered accommodation, and explain his distress. They may well be able to come up with a solution that you’ve not thought of.

Clearly he isn’t going to infect you.

He’s having Carers twice a week who could easily infect him and then him infect
OP before being symptomatic.

Saying that I’d still visit.

My stepGM is also 90 - living alone in flats, but her kids and grandkids are sometimes coming over to meet in the block's garden, keeping 6ft apart.

I do think for the oldest people it should really be their and their family's choice as to what risk they will accept so the older person isn't alone.

My parents have just turned 70 and both have health conditions that put them at risk (not massive, I'd say, just slightly heightened). I have since lockdown been around once, to drop some groceries off before they found a regular delivery, come in through a side gate that my mum opened and sat outside over 6ft away, and I'm sure I'll do that again over the next few weeks. MIL (who is local) has also been over and chatted at end of front garden path and have seen plenty of families do likewise. I don't think anyone's churlish enough to really complain about people doing that.

I visit my Dad in his mid 80s. I'm doing his weekly shopping. We observe the social distancing by sitting far apart in the garden. He loves seeing us, and it's good for his MH, as he doesn't have many friends left and certainly none he can see right now. I have absolutely no problem with this. Yes he's older but with no major health concerns and wants to see us, even from a distance. There has to be a question of quality of life.

He is vulnerable. I go.

This would come under supporting a vulnerable person. Visit him.

Would he like to live with you for a few weeks?

Dm is recently widowed - she’s been isolated and we’ve all been isolating but she has had to have us visiting with food a deliveries have been sporadic and she has no neighbours.
Db and I have both had her in tears on the phone. She misses us, her grandchildren and my dad.

For her mental health we’ve taken the view it’s important to have contact. Please see him and don’t feel guilty. Dm said to me she didn’t care if she got corona because not seeing us was so much worse, so judge me. We’ve sat in the garden, she’s made me a coffee, I’ve bought her groceries.

I'm really pleased youre going. He sounds like my DF who has just turned 95. My mums in a home so he can't see her, he can't go out for lunch with his friends (his social life was amazing). No slap up birthday celebration this year. I really feel for him, but he's put a brave face on it and has been pretty good. He's been really busy working on the garden which has never looked so nice.

I took the view I need to see him. He's pretty deaf so phone calls don't work well and I need to check he's all right. He doesn't need carers, I do his housework and laundry, put out his bins etc and of course his supermarket shopping now. I also managed to connect him for a zoom meeting last Friday so he could catch up with his friends.

It's a judgement really, he wants me to go and I think it's the right thing to do - we don't know how long he's got left and I'd hate him to be unhappier than he needs to be in his final years...

Go. If he died you'd never forgive yourself x

Mayhem “ Shes now alone in hospital with a likely terminal illness- if I could turn back the clock I'd be there every day those last five weeks.”

I’m so sorry.

Christ I'd go without hesitation.

Going against advice here but honestly at 90 I would go if that is what he wants.
I dutifully shielded my fit and seemingly healthy mum (70s) for five weeks - agony for her, she was so lonely and missing grandchildren.
Shes now alone in hospital with a likely terminal illness- if I could turn back the clock I'd be there every day those last five weeks.

I went to stay with my 98yo gran two weeks after lockdown, as she was struggling with her mental and physical health. I isolated for 2 weeks beforehand. I would go.

Glad to read your update OP - because my reply would have been that even though I've been following the rules completely, in your situation, I would have to go and visit him

sausage does he have a scheme manager at all? I work in sheltered housing and I’m contacting my residents more often than usual, I appreciate it’s not the same as you visiting, and it’s lovely to see that you are, but if one of my residents family contacted me and said they were worried about their relative feeling isolated, I’d be happy to help.

Thanks saussage. Enjoy your time with your dad xx