So, I posted a bit about this on an old thread in the dementia threads. But this board is busier so here I am. Anyway.
Bit of back story, my dad is end stage vascular dementia/Alzheimer’s. He’s been in a home for nearly 5 years now and is close to dying. I was told this back in December. He doesn’t really eat, completely immobile, doubly incontinent, doesn’t speak etc etc. Despresing and sad but he’s had it for around 15 years. We are already at 11 years post diagnosis. Never ever expected he would go on so long with it but he had it early in his early 60s.
Meanwhile, my mum. So she’s 81. Up until August/September time last year, she was quite active, going out on the bus independently, looking after herself. She’s type one diabetic. Around sept things started going downhill- several things happened in quick succession-
*she developed a really bad pain in her hip/leg. Could barely walk, became very unsteady, wasn’t sleeping. After many many trips to the Gp and an x ray they discovered she had severe osteoarthritis in her hip. After a few physio sessions where she was give exercises to do at home, it slowly eased. The pain went away but Walking was still not good. She started using a stick. Very shuffly. Around this time she had already stopped going out independently as too wobbly.
- then she developed extremely swollen feet/ankles. She went to doctor. Saw a new qualified doctor who said it was due to her varicose veins. I didn’t think this was true. She’s had the veins forever and has never had this problem. She is also tiny. You could see it wasn’t a usual thing for her. So I took her back and said I didn’t belive that was the cause and asked them to check her heart. Another doctor came in and checked and checked her heart and her chest. Fluid on chest. It was agreed that her heart was failing . She was put on various meds to sort the heart and remove the fluid.
- I started noticing her memory was getting bad. She started asking me stuff over and over again. I just knew this was the start of dementia. It’s got worse and worse.
- she became isolated and needy. She needed me every single day, for hours on end. She wanted to do the same thing every day. She would be depressed if she thought I wasn’t going over and difficult if I was Poorly or something and had to cancel.
There were many many trips to and from the doctor. The doctor and diabetic nurse became concerned about her insulin/blood sugars . She still seemed able to Anaheim it all herself.
- we saw a consultant at the hospital who thought vascular dementia was probable. He did a brain scan anyways o tile anything else out and we were due back at hospital in May for memory clinic for official diagnosis.
Fast forward slightly to two weeks ago. I knew the ‘isolation’ thing would be tricky for her and as such I was going over every other day rather than every day. And I was just going and sitting with her and having a cuppa rather than our usual trips out to the cafe and supermarket. I could tell she was getting more depressed and gp agreed to put her on antidepressants in her next pill pack.
Now the big problem:
I saw her briefly the Thursday before lockdown. And sat morning she text me early to say she as fine and not to go over and shed see me the next day. On a whim I decided to pick her up some treats and drop them over. When I got there I couldn’t find her straight away then found her lying barely conscious on the bathroom floor where I thought she’d perhaps had a hypo. She was talking nonsense and crying. I tried to get her up but just couldn’t do it. She was a dead weight, and pouring with sweat. Ambulance came and as soon as they turned her over she was totally grey and one said to the other ‘she’s going to go’ 
. So anyway eventually they took her off to hospital and I still really thought she’d come home that night. I went back in in the pm and took her some clothes etc. By which time she wa sin the acute medical ward. Late that night I had a phone call from the doctor to say they’d discovered she’d actually suffered a massive heart attack. It was clear they expected he’d to die. I went in a few times the next day. Becaus if the virus we were only allowed in one at a time for up to an hour. Also saw her in the Monday. Then- lockdown. So she’s been in hospital now for a week and a half. She can’t have any visitors. She’s getting more and more sad and depressed and confused. They moved her yesterday to a small community hospital. Which is miles away from me. And now we are waiting on a room in my dads nursing home. Which she doesn’t know she’s headed for but there’s no way she can go home to live alone now. Today on the phone she asked me about her mum and could I check on her - she died 17 years ago.
Anyway I don’t know what the actual point is of this, perhaps to just get it all out so I can return to it. I am SO stressed and anxious. I’m an only child and I have to sort it all out. There’s too much. She’s going to hate going into the home but the three carers a day they are offering me (becasie they want her out of the hospital) is going to be nowhere near enough, esp as they often don’t turn up and they don’t stay long. I also know how resistant she is to having carers in the home. She looked after my dad mostly alone apart from support from me wat longer than she should have. I mean she’s not going to get better. It’s going to get worse and worse and it’s all so fucking unfair .
Sorry about the monumental essay and now I’ve got it all out I’m afraid I’m going to do a terrible thing and go to bed because I’m emotionally shattered but if you do reply thank you so much and I promise I’ll be back tomorrow.