If they keep refusing carers...

If he’s always hoarded then it’s not necessarily a capacity issue. The nature of it may change with diminishing capacity - My dad has always done what might be considered as hoarding - saving anything that "might come in useful" - a rational behaviour pattern for someone who grew up during the Depression and WWII. And he's always been distressed about (anyone) losing "information" - he doesn't buy my argument that if you can't find it when you need it there's no value in the information. As he's got older he's got more determined and less rational about what he keeps and less able to keep it tidy and in order.

I think it’s incredibly difficult to strike the right balance. No harm at all in thinking about the level of decisions you can help him make and when you might need to agree to disagree.
If he’s always hoarded then it’s not necessarily a capacity issue. Sometimes it is best to accept others need to be involved in providing support. You just need to try and keep open communication and provide the support for him to make his decisions in the undoubtedly kindly way you have been doing.

Maybe I just need to stand back a bit and let him see the consequences of his decisions.

Harsh as it seems, you do. Because he can - rightly - make his own decisions. But you don’t have to help him to make bad ones, or facilitate those poor decisions. Step back and let him see for himself why his decisions need to be different.

It’s tough. My mother is on this road and it’s gruesome. I sympathise with you...

The LPA is basically the representative The LPA is a Lasting Power of Attorney whose physical form is a document. The attorney is the representative.

It is only effective at a point when someone loses capacity around the decision being made. Not quite. An LPA for financial affairs can, if the person wishes, be set up so that it can take effect even when the person still has capacity. An LPA for Health and Welfare can, however, only be used when the person has lost capacity for the decision in question.

Yes I guess the words seem a bit harsh but then so does depriving someone of their freedom to make choices.

I just want you to be aware how serious any breaches of the Mental Capacity Act are. Whilst I’m sure the intention is kind, a gilded or cotton wool cage is still a cage - Justice Hales words not mine. Control over our lives is a fundamental right.

You cannot detain someone except under the Mental Health Act or via an approved DoLS. It’s important to know that an LPA doesn’t give you that authority. However much the urge is to protect.Removing someone’s rights is abuse unless done through proper route. Using threats ‘You’ll be put in a care home if you don’t do what we want/we think you need’ is a threat.

It’s hugely difficult and you do need to help him understand the risks and options but it has to remain his decision. That’s hard to watch and entirely understandable that offspring want to protect but he’s still allowed to do unwise things. Even if there are consequences he hasn’t foreseen.

It’s an absolute minefield.The LPA is basically the representative who acts on behalf of the person where they have given consent whilst they have capacity. If a capacity assessment shows they are unable to consent they cannot agree to an LPA. You’d need to apply for deputyship.

The assumption is he has capacity unless proven otherwise.The law requires minimal control over the person’s decisions and gives them as much decision making power as possible.

An LPA can’t force him to accept things that deprive him of his liberty. He cannot be forced to take medication against his will, for example. Covert administration requires a DOLS if he is not co-operating. An LPA can consent to surgery or (if financial LPA) set up direct debits for the electricity bill or buy an oil filled radiator.

He’d need a Deprivation of liberty Safeguard assessment completed by the local authority if the idea is to stop unwise decisions. That is not the purpose of the LPA. He can go ice skating if he understands the risks.
He is absolutely entitled to eat or refuse to eat what he wants. That can be a diet of liquorice allsorts and pork pies, if that is his preference. An LPA can’t override that - very few courts would overrule his right to choose what he eats regardless of capacity.
Moving someone into a care home against their will is unlikely to be successful. If he reaches a point where he cannot understands or be involved in the decision then he’s unlikely to put up a fight.

Blackmailing him to accept the care you want him to have isn’t particularly kind - even if done with kindly intent. Threatening a care home is just nasty. If he has capacity to agree a LPA he can remove it very easily. It cannot be used until he loses capacity. So no, you cannot force care upon him. You cannot force him to do it your way, however well intentioned. If he can agree an LPA he can make his own decisions. Using an LPA inappropriately to make decisions on his behalf but without his permission whilst he retains capacity is abusive and a criminal matter.

If he doesn't have capacity he cannot grant POA, it will have to be a best interest decision made by everyone. If POA has already been granted and he lacks capacity then yes carers can try and go in but they need to weigh up the risks to him and themselves and will have to hold a meeting with all the people involved. If he gets to that stage when he lacks capacity and refuses care then would he be safer in a carehome where he can be looked after.

You can’t get LPA. It must be given.
It must be registered with OPG to be lawful.
It is only effective at a point when someone loses capacity around the decision being made.
Capacity is decision specific; it’s not a case of having capacity or not it is about having the capacity to make a specific decision. Someone with quite advanced dementia might retain the capacity to decide whether they want crumble with custard or ice cream, but not have the capacity to decide to drive. They might be able to decide whether to wear a coat outside when it’s raining. Someone in a coma does not have the capacity to agree to surgery.

I've got my mum loads of M&S meals and put them in her freezer. She can choose what she wants for them the next day and take it out to defrost then just pop in the microwave.

Brother is getting power of attorney, unsure about capacity. Can you be put on form too, or is this a responsibility you don't want? It's useful to have two attorneys, in case anything is needed when one is on holiday.

100% his previous refusals will have no impact on future care.